I spew forth words that come into my head

I spew forth words

that come into my head

incongruous to inner thoughts

words that I struggle with

or capable of

displaying

shallow perhaps

unlike

an abyss

babbling kindred

to a brook

not expressing

that become holes in 

my narrative

I spew forth words that

come into my head

wanting 

to bear richer fruit

grafted vine upon the vine

shades

cast by trees in the sun

tone

for inspiration an opus

interest

to paint a picture

impression

footprints in the sand

I spew forth

words the come into my head

but I am learning

unremitting

like fine

raindrops that fall from the sky

before the storm

in my quest

for the compelling

ramblingsfromamum 29.12.2012

Encouraged by Susan L Daniels to whom I am grateful for reaching into myself and how I write.

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29 thoughts on “I spew forth words that come into my head

  1. I really like your writing and your style. I love the below part and I can completely relate with appreciating writing because it gives you the ability to express your inner thoughts that aren’t expressed verbally. Thank you for sharing this with us!

    I spew forth words

    that come into my head

    incongruous to inner thoughts

    words that I struggle with

    or capable of

    displaying

  2. Bravo!!
    Nicely written. I too really like the ending!

    Might I suggest playing around with the actual layout of the poem? Sometimes the layout can make a difference in the way it flows / is read / perceived.
    If you want me to expound here in the comments or in e-mail, let me know and I’d be happy to do so.

    Keep up the great work and keep the poems coming!!

    Peace,

    Stephen

    • Hi Stephen!
      Thanks so much. I really appreciate your kind words. :-) This was my first attempt in a long time at poetry, lol. I had quickly looked at some poetry form sites, but now that I have the content, I can definitely play around with the structure. I would love to see what you come up with!

    • Stephen,
      How about something like this…..

      Trickling like water
      Across the mossy stones
      I strive to be the moss.
      To grow on hard places.
      Free from water that runs.
      Indifferent from its surroundings.
      Remaining true to oneself.

      • Kimberly,
        While my original comment was aimed at Rambly (I actually hadn’t read your poem when I posted my comment), you have adapted my feedback nicely to your poem. I do like this version better than the first as it has a better flow… Much like water across the mossy stones. :)

        Keep at it! Poetry, much like other writing, can be challenging but very rewarding…

        Peace,

        Stephen

      • Hahaha I’m so sorry. I am new to blogging and didn’t realize you weren’t responding to me, lol. Anyhow I used your advise anyhow to help improve!!!

  3. Your time starts now Stephen and thank you – I really love this idea of prompts – letting others put their twist on things..thoughts… pfft you know what I mean – I wait with bated breath :-)
    Then of course you have to give me one …only fair *pouts* :-)

  4. Pingback: Forced relocation – Poem based on a prompt | Stephen Kellogg's Blog

  5. Yep, for me this is starting to get interesting. “babbling kindred” – nice. “footprints in the sand” – cliche, can you replace it?
    but I am learning
    unremitting
    like fine
    raindrops that fall from the sky
    before the storm

    Where else will rain come from!! So you can shorten this. And if it’s raining, the storm is happening already. Besides, the storm is a little cliche.

    It could read something like:

    I learn
    relentlessly
    like fine rain
    until the storm
    accelerates

    Just thoughts, as you asked for some. But this is a much more poetic piece and very encouraging :)

    • Ah you didn’t let me down ;-) I see what you are saying about the rain and the sky. Rain can happen without a storm though? I also ‘get’ why you changed those last few lines – thanks RoS for your critique ..taken on board …learning.. learning…forever learning :-)

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