I have learnt whilst blogging that your Title can mean you get read or left on the shelf – I have no clue what will happen with this one 🙂
Losing love in a relationship/marriage and what the heck can we do about it?
The Movie – Hope Springs – The Actors the brilliant Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones promoted me to write this. Probably not a movie for the 20- 30 year old bracket, unless of course you are already in a similar relationship.
So this is why I thought I would blog my thoughts to the men and also the women. How many books are written on relationships? How many seek counselling to find their way back to the relationship they once had with their partner, and how many of you decide it’s all too hard to try? Finally how many of you just fall ‘out of love’?
It can be the smallest of actions that help us in relationships, but you have to WANT to try those small things. Yes, from our teens to probably our 40’s we couldn’t get enough of everything physical. Some younger readers of this blog are probably even grimacing at the thought of people in their 40’s and beyond actually ‘doing it’. Reality check – we do!
As we get older though our relationships take on a different kind of intimacy. We aren’t hell bent on hitting the sack every 5 minutes as in our youth, and we are settled and happy with sharing a different kind of closeness. The closeness of your partner who is also your friend, who you can share conversations about everything and anything with and with whom yes the physical side is still there but probably not as often.
Share the tiny things.
Reach out and grab your partners hand when you are walking together or sitting on the couch. Pay that compliment when they are dressed nicely, even if you have seen them wear that outfit a hundred times before. Tell them how handsome, attractive, sexy,beautiful they look. Spontaneously cup their face in both hands and kiss them or even just smile.
Listen when they speak to you, don’t get glassy eyed when they come home tired from work and need to vent. Really take an interest in what they have to say. Show them that you know you are listening by commenting on what they have said. If they do housework for you without being asked – thank them. In fact manners can help a relationship – don’t let them feel they are being taken for granted. We all want to be appreciated.
So many women get frustrated with their partners because they are usually working full-time and must come home to cook dinners or see to the kids, or shop etc. Resentment can build so quickly – nip it in the bud. All it takes (men are you listening) is to offer to help or even JUST DO. Don’t wait to be asked – grab that mop and bucket or vacuum cleaner. It may seem insignificant or trivial but it isn’t. Ladies offer to mow the lawn,wash his car, put the bins out? We want to be treated as equals but feel that there are jobs that are designated only to men, yet we would love them to help us out with our ‘female’ chores.
Women withhold sex – it’s a punishment we have devised over time
Our reasoning is “You don’t appreciate me’ “You don’t know how hard I work” “You never offer to help me”
“All you think about is what you want” So why in gods name would we ‘put out’ – ‘have sex’ or want any kind of personal intimacy with you!
Hands up how many women have thought this? Hands up how many men have an idea that this is the reason they don’t want to go to bed with you?
Resentment – vindictiveness – disappointment – stubbornness..ahh tis a vicious circle indeed.
We know men and women are from different planets (I’m sure you have all read the book) man goes into his cave – women want to talk about it.
With each relationship we learn.
With every relationship we enter into, we learn something different. When we enter a new relationship we have to draw from those in the past to guide us in what we should or shouldn’t do with our new one. We have all had our hearts crushed and broken seemingly beyond repair to the point we feel there is no one else out there for us, only to find (perhaps not just around the corner) but pretty damn close that there is someone else.
And when you find that someone – the one who is your friend and also your lover (whatever age) they are worth holding to. We can’t make the same mistakes we did in the past, to flourish means to nurture.
Remember it’s the small things not necessarily the large that help our relationships.
Spontaneity is loved by females (I’m sure I’m not only talking about myself here) – and I am sure males enjoy acts of kindness and being pampered without being asked. How good do we feel about our partner when they have helped around the house or the yard on their own accord? Paid us a compliment or booked a romantic night or week-end away – a bunch of flowers for her or something that he would love? We feel EXCELLENT – the key is not to let it slide – maintain it – continue it.
I’m not saying Life’s like a box of chocolates – Yep It ain’t all peaches and cream and gooey eyes in our relationships, there are everyday battles for all of us.
We don’t have to have the Christian Grey – Anastashia relationship or the Kate and Arnold (Meryl Tommy Lee Jones) either… BUT – Love can flourish – Intimacy can be preserved – it just takes s small amount of work..now hard can that be?
Yes the Movie inspired me to write this blog and I would love to have any comments from those that may read it.
“AH YES HOPE SPRINGS” and PS I’m as happy in my relationship as pig in the proverbial (in case you wondered) 🙂
Great post! I’m going to have to watch ‘Hope Springs’ now 🙂
Why thank you very much Di 🙂 Yes do watch it – I really enjoyed it. Meryl is my favourite actress so a tad bias.
Two things jumped out at me …
1) When your partner just “does”…does not ask, where do you want to go for dinner..but just decides. Sometimes it’s always hard to be the one to decide.
2) That you mentioned that sometimes it is us women that need to also do the things without asking. The taking out of the garbage … mowing…nod nods. It is a two way street indeed.
Though I am no longer married…if only I knew some of these things better then …
1) It is sometimes hard, and some may think it controlling more than being spontaneous if the decision is made.
2) It definitely is a 2 way street, both sides equal – sometimes we may grumble but we have to look at what’s fair for both parties.
We love, we learn… *hugs*