The Dag’s Dictionary – A little bit of word humour

Courtesy of Author Richard Glover

Just a few words that should exist…but don’t

Avoiddance – The process of stepping sharply to the left & then the left again & then back down the street, when you want to avoid someone at the shops

Bellwilderment – The moment of communal panic when a mobile phone rings & everyone assumes it’s theirs

Brietentious – Descriptive of a person who shows off about cheese

Cadamite – A woman whose always attracted to the worst bloke in the room

Catasonic – The speed at which a cat moves after you tread on it’s tail

Cellulights – The especially harsh lights found in changing rooms designed to prove you must cover your body at all times

Confidont – A friend who blurts all your secrets

Dudmentia – A woman’s ability to forget how rotten all her past boyfriends turned out to be, so as to be able to fall in love with the next

Eespondent – The disappointment that follows when you discover all 20 emails have the subject line “Do you want a bigger Penis”?

Feng Shooey – The ancient male practice of abandoning at least one pair of shoes in every room in the house, in order to maximise his own energy flow

Fridgebit – Food that contains no calories by virtue of being eaten straight from the fridge, while standing with the door of the fridge still open and the light spilling out

Lollycoddle – During a long drive, to mollify children in the back seat of a car by throwing them regular supplies of junk food

Shyatus – The painful gap in conversation at a dinner party before the wine’s kicked in

Slobstacle – A person who just sits there as you try and sweep or vacuum around their feet

Tanti-climax – The bit when the toddler throws themselves face forward in the supermarket floor & holds their breath

Verboaster – A person who always uses a complicated & pretentious word when a simple one will suffice

and finally….

Weenertia – The moment in the morning when you can’t get out of bed, even though you urgently need a wee