2nd Challenge for Writing – I need help

http://ivonnemontijo.wordpress.com wants me to write about the following:-

I want to know about love and relationships after the age of 50–what should I know—what should I do to find true love at my age of 51.

Microphone on?

Where do I begin?

How shall I advise on finding true love, their soul mate, their person?

I am a person who has and fortunately I can answer yes to the above. In saying that it took me to the age of 54 before finding that ‘right’ one.

Perhaps it can be found in https://ramblingsfromamum.wordpress.com/2012/11/12/on-line-dating…-the-desperate

Perhaps not?

What should you know about love after 50 – What are you looking for?

Over 50, you have had many life experiences and relationships and you should have a fairly good idea of what it is you are seeking.

You know who you are and what you need/want in a partner. We (and I put myself in this category because I am over 50) understand what is important, the values in a good relationship and appreciate more so partners at this age, than  when I was younger. Then it was mainly lust – though lust does help in any relationship young or old. Please don’t squirm when you read that.

Are the reasons behind a failed relationship because of

  • Mental or physical abuse?
  • Lack of trust?
  • Money issues?
  • Affairs?

or

  • We don’t communicate any more?
  • We don’t have anything in common?
  • We aren’t appreciated?
  • Our sex life has died?

People are hell bent on trying to figure out if they were the problem. It’s only natural to assume in the beginning that you are possibly the one at fault when a relationship goes sour, until you can step back after the emotions have subsided and look at your partner and realise possibly they may have been.

“Is it me”?  “It must be – we were so happy in the beginning”.

Or perhaps it’s the “If only” syndrome. If you had communicated more, if you listened more, if you felt for his/her needs more, if you paid attention more, if you liked the same music, the same sports, if you didn’t spend so much money, if you were more active in the bedroom. The list can go on and on. Whatever the reason for a failed relationship we will always try and figure out why it didn’t work.

We are human, we make mistakes, we can fall in lust, fall in love just as quickly as we can fall out of it. Finding ‘your person’ is finding one who will let you be you – so so important, who does not question, who does not show distrust, who supports and gives guidance.

Love and all the cuteness that surrounds it brings our emotions to the highest levels. In the beginning those very emotions can change once you truly get to know that person. Unfortunately we can find ourselves moulding our very own personalities to suit our partners but as we grow older we realise we do not need or have to. For what will it accomplish? Absolutely nothing. We kid ourselves that if I change this or that he/she will stay. They won’t in the long run.

It’s difficult to know when the changing of yourselves for others takes place, it can happen gradually without knowing it. “I hate sports – yet I’m watching them because he wants me to”. “Why does she insist that I get dragged around the shops with her”. Little ‘nigglies’ can lead to major resentment as we know.

Over 50 why should we question anymore?

Over 50 you are your own person even more so than when you were younger.

We do not have to conform to suit others needs, not should we have to.

We don’t have to please for pleasings sake.

We can speak our mind without fear or losing our partner

In our age bracket, we have the need for less drama. With the understanding that we want to live a happy, fulfilling life. We don’t want to quibble over the small things, the insignificant things.

Our lives are usually well established with our careers at this age, we have the freedom to explore, to travel, to embark on anything we care to.

We all would like a partner to share our every day to day life with – but do we need one to be complete?

I guess this is easy me writing this because I have found my Mr. Right and I do not want to blowing my own horn.

If you are ambivalent about a relationship in the beginning it’s gut feel for the future.

Ask yourself?

  • What are my goals and desires?
  • Am I emotionally ready to start a new relationship?
  • Do I have ‘baggage’ that I am carting from one relationship to the next?
  • Am I putting my best foot forward in respect to my appearance?
  • Am I comfortable enough with my own life that I’m able to share it with another?

There are no magical answers to finding true love. I wish it was so.

Perhaps the above maybe helpful or perhaps it won’t.

I found true happiness with Internet dating and as I explained in that post if you don’t have a broad range of single friends with equally the broad amount of single males, or you don’t belong to a club where you can meet others, or if you aren’t happy to go off to a Hotel for drinks with a G/F or male companion – then the options cruelly are slim.

Be yourself and know that there is Mr. Right out there and perhaps not seek too hard?

If your person is out there somewhere, they will find you, but you have to remain positive and upbeat and know within yourself that you a good person and have a lot to offer.

If I could wave a magic wand and cast a spell for your happiness and know that you will meet someone I would. Alas I can’t.

But remember….

Over 50 DOES NOT mean however your time has run out. For I am living proof of that!

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6 thoughts on “2nd Challenge for Writing – I need help

  1. Hi Mumsy! Husbands driving whilst I respond on my iPhone! *laughing* I’m going to be serious for once! You really out did yourself this time! What a great mature response to a subject that affects everyone at some point in their lives! Great answers AND advice! *smiling* I’m happy you and Mr S found each other! ……..Paula xxxxx

    • Well aren’t you the clever girl. 🙂 Why I thank you 🙂 Hopefully..it’s a tricky subject line to discuss but being a wise old thing – hopefully some points may be helpful. Re Mr S and I …I am too 🙂 xxxxx

    • Thank you sweet – I don’t know if this is what you expected, but I tried, as I said to Paula difficult subject line! So glad you asked though – if you have any other ides you want this wise one to answer 🙂 please feel free to throw another one at me 🙂 xxx

    • Hi again and thanks Lynette. Yes Ivonne suggested it as a topic for me (by the way if you have any – please throw my way – see (I need help! post) however it applies (I think to any over 50). I think the best perk is yes being able to speak your mind without really giving a toss! 😉 (nicely of course)

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