20 Things not to give your Wife for Christmas

I was struggling …lost for words… (I know you are shaking your heads…how could I ever be at a loss for words)

Hmm  http://ruleofstupid.wordpress.com  an amazing talented writing Panda (though he is meant to be Fierce – don’t believe him – oh and if you haven’t done already please sign up for C4C details are on his site) gave me the idea for this post…though I have enlarged it a tad as I was on a roll..so bare with me.

How keen am I to ask for suggestions? I am still asking if anyone is interested. How dedicated am I for I only rose from my slumber 45 mins ago and I’m already at the keyboard (yes I do have a life and I am in my sexy lingerie  dressing gown with just some free time on my hands).

ANYHOO let’s begin shall we or you will get so bored with my introduction to this post you’ll be yelling “next” and moving onto the next person.

20 Things Not To Buy Your Wife/Girlfriend/Significant Other For Christmas 

• A cordless drill – NO – that is your job to screw in those few planks of wood on the decking – she just had a manicure, which cost you money, do you really want to ruin that?

• A double Season pass to UFC (cage fighting) or any other kind of sport ? which involves knocking someone else’s brains out – NO – she’s not in the least bit interested as much as she supports lies to you about your stupid love for it.

• A subscription to Wheels Magazine –  NO – come on I mean really?  Do you honestly think she wants to know the F1 ratings, how much torque there is in the latest Mercedes, or the family wagon that’s faster than a Ferrari? I think not.

• Jewellery from Kleins – NO – how very dare you! I love you so much honey that I bought you these imitation diamond (but look how big they are) stud earrings for you. 

• Telescope – NO – the only stars she wants to see are Movie types – she doesn’t want to spend her valuable time gazing up the to heavens or seeing Uranus.

• Camping Gear – NO not unless said camping gear comes along with a Queen size bed, a kitchen, an inside toilet,  shower oh and a jacuzzi .

• A hedge trimmer – NO – not unless you are trying to tell her something?

• Membership to Weight Watchers or the Gym – NO NO NO – what are you thinking man?  “But sweety you are always telling me you needed to lose a few pounds”?

• Tea Towels – NO – can you see the expression on her face when she opens the beautifully soft and squishy present thinking it’s the dress she purposely pointed out to you when you both went shopping last week? 

• Lingerie or Underwear – NO – NOT unless you know her size. You give a double D bra when she’s a 32A – that’s just asking for trouble. You give her a sexy lace camisole and knickers set in a size 6 not knowing she’s a 12???

• Set of 6 matching Stubby Holders – NO – She’s wishing you would be civilised and drink from a glass for a change, seriously what use does she have for these??

• Book Housekeeping for Dummies – NO – She knows you hate housework and are useless helping around the house..this would just confirm it.

• Mop and Bucket – NO – it’s ..it’s I have no words.

• No to vegetable peelers with matching apple corers
• No to a spice rack.
• No to a whizz bang can opener.
• No to a potato masher.
• No to foil/cling wrap dispenser.
• No to a Vacuum Cleaner
• No to an invitation to go to an AA meeting

No men-folk it’s an easy task. You just have to think a little more…..