Q. How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A. By becoming a ventriloquist!
Q. Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife’s yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in?
A. The dog, once he’s in, he shuts up!
Classics – Courtesy http://web.maths.unsw.edu.au/~jim/selfref.html
I’m the humblest person I know.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
The workshop on procrastination has been cancelled, as no-one got around to enrolling.
Anyone who visits a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
We never make misteaks.
87.5% of all statistics are made up.
Here, take this placebo.
The technical term for “being unable to remember the word you want” is, uh …
There are three types of people in the world: those who can count and those who can’t.
The two rules for success are:
1. Never tell them everything you know.
There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary and those who don’t.
Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
There should be a rule that we don’t talk about politics.