I spew forth words
that come into my head
incongruous to inner thoughts
words that I struggle with
or capable of
displaying
shallow perhaps
unlike
an abyss
babbling kindred
to a brook
not expressing
that become holes in
my narrative
I spew forth words that
come into my head
wanting
to bear richer fruit
grafted vine upon the vine
shades
cast by trees in the sun
tone
for inspiration an opus
interest
to paint a picture
impression
footprints in the sand
I spew forth
words the come into my head
but I am learning
unremitting
like fine
raindrops that fall from the sky
before the storm
in my quest
for the compelling
ramblingsfromamum 29.12.2012
Encouraged by Susan L Daniels to whom I am grateful for reaching into myself and how I write.
Oh, I like this! I really liked this part:
I spew forth
words the come into my head
but I am learning
unremitting
like fine
raindrops that fall from the sky
before the storm
Thank you – that means a great deal to me – really. I can only aspire 🙂
you took the inspiration and ran with it. Like where you went.
I tried 🙂 amazing how one can sit here and conjure up thoughts that were previously not there seconds ago… the beauty of writing – Thank you Susan. Hopefully I can add to something you or Stephen write – now that would be a challenge for me! 🙂
I hope you do
I really like your writing and your style. I love the below part and I can completely relate with appreciating writing because it gives you the ability to express your inner thoughts that aren’t expressed verbally. Thank you for sharing this with us!
I spew forth words
that come into my head
incongruous to inner thoughts
words that I struggle with
or capable of
displaying
Thank you and may I say welcome. I am so pleased (ok thrilled) that people such as yourself are enjoying this – evokes a warm & fuzzy 🙂
It is very good. Poetry scares the bejeezus out of me.
🙂 So my hats off to you.
Poetry shouldn’t, there are so many different styles (I am still learning and Susan has helped me) by reading her works. Perhaps I should give you a line and you can write from that? It’s a challenge but know that it doesn’t have to ‘rhyme’ 🙂
Sure, I have read about a lot of internet writing challenges so I will stand up to my first one. 🙂
Trickling like water across the mossy stones… your time starts now 🙂
Trickling like water across the mossy stones
I strive to be like the moss.
Hardy to grow on difficult surfaces.
Independent from the water that runs over it.
Indifferent from its surroundings.
Remains true to itself.
Bravo!!
Nicely written. I too really like the ending!
Might I suggest playing around with the actual layout of the poem? Sometimes the layout can make a difference in the way it flows / is read / perceived.
If you want me to expound here in the comments or in e-mail, let me know and I’d be happy to do so.
Keep up the great work and keep the poems coming!!
Peace,
Stephen
Oh please email! I’m having such a buzz right now with feed-back – I could possibly be a bee (ok so that is lame) Thank you Stephen 🙂
Hi Stephen!
Thanks so much. I really appreciate your kind words. 🙂 This was my first attempt in a long time at poetry, lol. I had quickly looked at some poetry form sites, but now that I have the content, I can definitely play around with the structure. I would love to see what you come up with!
Stephen,
How about something like this…..
Trickling like water
Across the mossy stones
I strive to be the moss.
To grow on hard places.
Free from water that runs.
Indifferent from its surroundings.
Remaining true to oneself.
Kimberly,
While my original comment was aimed at Rambly (I actually hadn’t read your poem when I posted my comment), you have adapted my feedback nicely to your poem. I do like this version better than the first as it has a better flow… Much like water across the mossy stones. 🙂
Keep at it! Poetry, much like other writing, can be challenging but very rewarding…
Peace,
Stephen
Hahaha I’m so sorry. I am new to blogging and didn’t realize you weren’t responding to me, lol. Anyhow I used your advise anyhow to help improve!!!
oh oh I want to play too… can I play with the prompt line too???
Oh good grief NOW I’m in trouble 🙂 which prompt Stephen words or trickling?
Well, I had thoughts on the first one but let them drift away as it was your prompt 🙂
So, I’m talking about the trickling prompt 🙂
Kimberly – WOW! and you said you couldn’t do it!! This was good – I mean REALLY good 🙂 Challenge undertaken and succeeded!
Thanks so much. 🙂 I had to research moss a bit first hahaha. I want to take Stephen’s advice and play with the structure.
Your time starts now Stephen and thank you – I really love this idea of prompts – letting others put their twist on things..thoughts… pfft you know what I mean – I wait with bated breath 🙂
Then of course you have to give me one …only fair *pouts* 🙂
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Yep, for me this is starting to get interesting. “babbling kindred” – nice. “footprints in the sand” – cliche, can you replace it?
but I am learning
unremitting
like fine
raindrops that fall from the sky
before the storm
Where else will rain come from!! So you can shorten this. And if it’s raining, the storm is happening already. Besides, the storm is a little cliche.
It could read something like:
I learn
relentlessly
like fine rain
until the storm
accelerates
Just thoughts, as you asked for some. But this is a much more poetic piece and very encouraging 🙂
Ah you didn’t let me down 😉 I see what you are saying about the rain and the sky. Rain can happen without a storm though? I also ‘get’ why you changed those last few lines – thanks RoS for your critique ..taken on board …learning.. learning…forever learning 🙂
Wow, Ramblings. Pretty powerful!
Thank you so much 🙂 xx