This challenge (100 words) proudly brought by rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com
and Friday Fictioneers. This is a toughie, so a deep breath, a shake of the head and off I go!
“Ray, honestly mate do you think it will run? I mean look at it?”
“Ronnie..you doubting his..our ability here?”
“Hell, no man, but take a look at it..surely…”.
“Trust me he knows what he’s doing, just hasn’t had the glorified touches is all”.
Ronnie shook his head, picked up his can of beer.
“Listen mate, you know the old saying love can move mountains“?
“Yeah”.
“Well didn’t we build this together, because we had fun doin’ it ?”
“Yeah but still…”
“It will move mate,” Ronnie grinned, pointing, cross those mountains over there”.
Open for critique and telling me “what a load of cods” 🙂
Ramblings From A Mum 
I honestly don’t know how you do it! Congrats woman, you rock!
LOL shucks and hello! I have missed your lovely face round these neck of the woods 🙂 Thank you T xx
It’s been a crazy week, I will make it up though xxx
I know what that is like T … all good xx 🙂
Heh, great dialogue! Revealed much about the characters through simple conversation. Well done!
Thank you Oscar, I am glad you enjoyed. Thanks for the visit and the comment – appreciated.
Certainly not a load of cods! Wonderful dialogue, I can really hear them in my mind, (might be a speech mark missing in the last line?).
Hi Trudy Thank you for pointing that out, hopefully I have corrected? 🙂 Thank you for visiting,relating and commenting – appreciated 🙂
Not a load of cods – although that did make me laugh! Excellent dialogue, but I don’t believe that car’s going anywhere even vaguely hilly (unless it’s downhill all the way!)
I seem to think so to poor Ronnie and Ray ..clueless really. 🙂 Thanks for visiting and commenting though appreciated!
I love that phrase, “love can move mountains.” I sure hope it moves for Ray and Ronnie!
Either that or they have a long ways to push! – thanks Bee for popping in 🙂
Ronnie shook his head, picked up his can of beer. This fixed the scene. I loved how this anchored the dialogue, which was also excellent. Your dialogue made me like the characters. The story’s about love, really, for me. I’d like to suggest, in your last sentence, that you place a comma after ‘mate’, add a comma after ‘grinned’, change the full stop to a comma after ‘pointing’ and change ‘Cross’ to ”cross'(i.e. short for ‘across’). There’s nothing fishy about your writing! Ann.x
Thank you Ann and yes I did correct the punctuation, but then I was tired it was late… 😦 So hopefully now it stands corrected, thank you for the tips and liking what I had written, foibles and all 🙂 xx
I think Ronnie’s a great optimist..! Though I’m rooting for him.
Great dialogue; a great read.
That he is or very bad eye sight at best 🙂 Thank you so much carolyn for your thoughts, appreciated. 🙂
I agree with Ann, although I’d suggest an additional apostrophe, ” ‘cross those…” to show the “a” in “across” is left off. But I was really hoping I could say, “What codswallop!” because I’ve always loved that word. Drat!
Good luck to them, BTW!! I think they may need it, love or no love.
janet
Hello! thank you for your tip too, 🙂 I think I may leave ‘cross’ though as is, I know not correct but these two gents are ‘Aussie’s and we tend to leave some letters off, I wanted to get the feel for how/we speak at times in my writing. I do love cods and codswallop too 😉 and pssst yo got to say it anyway Thanks Janet xx
I like this but I am not quite getting the relationship between, is it three men?
Thanks LV for popping in. The sign in the car says owner built with the help of Ronnie and Ray, so I’m figuring 3 lent their hands in making this catastrophe! 🙂
I believe they will get it over to the mountains. You did a great job.
Oh thank you SHO appreciated your kindness and visit. 🙂
loved that you paid attention to the sign in the photo ^^ great dialogue, really enjoyed it
why I thank you muchly kz 🙂
Enjoyed this! Well done.
Thank ye kindly 🙂
Dear Rambly,
I enjoyed the dialogue. So not American ;). I can picture them trying to make this car run. Good job.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thank you Rochelle for reading, yes and having even more trouble after a beer or two to get it going I would suspect 😉
Very nice. By the looks of it, they’ve built a car that runs on love alone.
Or perhaps because it was made with love, that it would still move or cross mountains 🙂 Thank you David for commenting and popping over.
you have the male voices pitch perfect. When the first comment mentioned “woman”-describing you as writer, I had to go check. You had me bamboozled into thinking you were a male writer.
🙂 Train, I must have been in touch with my masculine side then it seems, I take that as a compliment however that I was that convincing! Thank you stopping in and commenting 🙂
Terrific dialogue.
Thanks ‘Mate’ 🙂
By ‘cods’ you mean ‘as in fish’? No cods here that I can see, except maybe a missing quote mark before ‘cross’? I liked how you picked out the names, and the beer… ‘Foster’s’?
Hi Ted I have been asked about the apostrophe, however I wanted to leave it out as the ‘Aussie’ way of verbalising and cods as in codswallop (load of rubbish) 🙂 Thanks for popping over too and Fosters of course it is – they wouldn’t be true blue now if they weren’t drinking that! 🙂
well done. determination.
in this line: ” do you think it will run, I mean look at it?” i think the question mark should be after “run” that’s really the question. when he said “I mean look at it.” that’s not really a question.
also, at the end, you might have a stray quotation mark. not sure.
Thank you Rich for popping over. I think I have had more comments about my punctuation usage than the piece itself 😦 I have left the ‘ from cross to try and keep with the Aussie pronunciation or flow, I have corrected the ? mark – thank you pointing that out also. Perhaps I need a punctuation lesson at 2 in the morning 😦
Exciting beginning for what can be a great roadmovie. I can see this continue across those mountains, with a lot of adventures.
Ok where do I sign 😉 thanks Brudberg