the weekend challenge – we’re asking for exactly thirty-three words written in first person narrative
I cannot open
your door or enter
how can I
I crumble
my heart thumps
hands shake
agony
remembering you
not breathing
alone
I love you
I mourn you
Forgive me
Fiction piece written for:-
And about http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sudden_infant_death_syndrome
I am so very fortunate to have not experienced a loss so tragic as this, a loss of a new born, though I know of families who have. I write this for the Challenge but to also bring awareness to this cruel and puzzling syndrome. If this is out of the rules or posting the picture, I apologise and happy to bow out of the challenge.
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this is such a sad thing for families to experience. It happens more than people know.
Thank you Barbara, yes, I think now they are beginning to identify the reasons, but back when I knew this family it was not known. I do not know why I felt I should write about it, it just happened that way.
Wow. What a painfully heartbreaking piece.
I did not expect to write this till my fingers hit the keyboard – but thank you lovely. xx
Oh how tragic for such a thing to happen-beautifully written & am so glad it did not happen to
you:-)
Thank you darling girl – yes I am glad that it did not, again amazed how everyone has a different take on the challenges. xx
That’s was ….. hard. I have a little one looks just like that – ugh. Good work!
I am so sorry Sam, my intent in writing this was to bring awareness, but to those with babies I know it must be difficult to read…thank you. x
oh god, this broke my heart
😦 I am sorry kz, not my intent but this is reality and 33 words is not truly enough to explain what a mother would go through. Thank you. x
Heart breaking and painful, I am so sorry.
Katie, this was a fictional piece, it was not written about my personal experience, but I did know one mother whose son was taken through SIDS. I apologise if you found this upsetting. I thank you for visiting and reading. x
Losing a child would be the worst possible hell one could go through. My heart aches for these parents.
This piece was so powerful, and your words were so well chosen!
Yes I agree – I couldn’t begin to imagine the torture.
I appreciate you taken the time to visit and share your comments Valerie – thank you.
This is very chilling, and so sad. I think your piece does well to capture the grief associated with it.
Thank you very much Draug – a hard subject to write on indeed.
that hit me like a ton of bricks. you really packed a lot into 33 words; i could feel the agony wrapped in those words.
Renada – thank you so very much.
Wow. Powerful.
Thank you Lyn. x
This is heart wrenching.
Only words on paper, but the actuality of this happening would be so much more, thanks Bo.
I think this is why moms will often just watch their babies sleeping. I know I did with all of my puppies–just watch them sleep and make sure they are still breathing.
Yes it would be one of the reasons, or the waking up in the middle of your sleep frightened because you haven’t your baby stir or that they have slept through without disturbing you. You shall be seeing your puppies soon hopefully..so try and get some extra sleep now 🙂 xxx
Good writing should provoke a reaction so, don’t apologize for cracking the hearts of everyone who is reading this story. You have tapped into one of the biggest of all parental fears with these 33 words. You have written a brilliant story and are to be commended completely. Time to put Trifecta away for awhile and go hug my daughters. 🙂
Thank you so much, sorry for the late reply to your comments. I am so appreciative of what you have said. A writer acknowledges and can be delighted when their words provoke a reaction, I just didn’t want it to sound too…dismissive or uncaring. I am glad you went and hugged your daughters – thank you so much for what you have written and visiting my site.
Such pain in these few words. And yet they only scratch at the surface of the agony of loss.
Thank you Morgan.
I’m glad you didn’t experience this, but your writing shows keen insight. This was terrific.
Thank you so much LD. I guess being a mum helped that insight, appreciated your comment.
So sad! Hugs xxx
The loss so deep. 33 words that express so well
Thank you Ruby. I appreciate the comment.
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That’s very very powerful spoken in such a few words. Wow.
Kenya hello and thank you for stopping by and commenting. I thank you for your kind words. x
Oh wow, this made my stomach lurch. Very well written piece about such a tragic event in too many people’s lives.
Thank you Suzanne, yes I don’t think any parent would be able to get over something as tragic as this, appreciated what you have said, though apologies for making your stomach lurch. 😦
I got a lump of ice in my stomach until I saw you were not affected. Still beyond tragedy.
Thank you Brudberg – a difficult one to write and to read, thank you for your thoughts and visit.
This tears at my heart. I have not suffered this loss, but you captured very well the agony that one who has must feel.
Sorry Stacey if I upset you, that seems to the reaction from others as well and I feel a little guilty for making people feel that way, but I write and if there is a reaction good or bad … I must accept. Thank you so much for visiting and for your comment.
I just could not imagine this happening. I am so lucky with my two daughters and their children. Nothing wrong with your piece, or the photo. Lovely writing.
I thank you Ted, that is very sweet to say. I am also glad your family are all fine 🙂
I was terrified the first two years of both my children’s lives and would check in on them 33 times during the night…Are they still breathing??
My father lost a 6 month old sibling like that…My grandmother never recovered from it
Oh T how simply awful, to have a child and to lose them at any age would have to be the most horrific event that can occur in someone’s life, your poor father and grandmother 😦 Heart goes out to you darling and sorry if this brought up painful memories. 😦 xx
Gut-wrenching thought. Glad it was fiction!
So am I – thank you Kimm x