There’s a storm ‘a coming, she double takes
the barometer, arrows it to be
always reliable; no doubts on days she reads
yet outside her sparkling window
shines skies of blue, clouds of white
where’s the storm pray tell

tumbling greys, foreboding winds gyre
across the fields, lightening spike fires
remembering from her past, she taps the glass
the arrow stays, casts off her pinny
station switch, for the man to give
the forecast

barometers on the blink; she ‘tsk tsks’
and dry cloths the watered sink
back turned; dusts the faces looking back
at her within the photo frame
their ‘two’ smiles engulf the room till
a knock against the door, she heaves a heavy sigh
fingers comb her straggly locks

not expecting company, who would venture
out, with a storm about to hit
probably Mrs. Jones, ‘cup of sugar’
‘have you milk’
she feels a push to chest
steps tripped back, hand strikes hard
against her cheek, steel is cold
it rests upon her throat
‘don’t fight bitch’ yells the
guttural voice ‘or you can
kiss those kids good-bye’

seems the arrow was correct

*Critique welcome


This contribution is for   Tony who is hosting  wrote these first few lines

“I have a dark and dreadful secret,” writes Stephen Fry in the foreword of his book The Ode Less Travelled. “I write poetry.”

This morning when my eyelids fluttered open this sprung into my head..

Poets can be: Sentimental, fastidious, sensitive, eccentric, pompous, sexual, smart, naive, disciplined, playful,  introverted, extroverted, humble, proud, rebellious, conservative, passionate, open, imaginative, controlling, manic, depressed, apathetic, humorous, pessimistic, ashamed, optimistic, engaging, productive, promiscuous, indulgent, vivacious, enthusiastic, independent and creative!

People who don’t write Poetry can be: Sane

34 thoughts on “Barometer

  1. with great power comes great responsiblility. ~Spiderman

    this is the lot of poets…we have been given voice and must be concious of how we use it, you know…we can build or destroy….

    cool piece….nice tension…scary as you never know what to expect when you open that door…there is a line you use back twice and i dont think you need the second one…nice quick turns in this though and cool flow of imagery…makes it easy to see…so i wont chide my wife for always keeping the door locked either…smiles.

    • Build or destroy – how every true. *smiled* at the Spiderman quote.,,,perhaps too early in the morning but which line/words are your referring to so I can adjust? Thank you for your critique Brian – means a great deal to me and my writing appreciates it too 😉 No…no more chiding the Mrs!

  2. Wow on that ending scene, every unexpected and gives deeper meaning to the storm coming ~

    Steel is cold, the arrow of the barometer is correct ~

    A terrific piece of writing, smiles

    • Grace I feel privileged that you wrote this about my work. * smiles* Thank you so very much for reading and as always your kindness.

  3. I like your writing style in this one. It seems as if you have set the ‘foreboding’ stage in the early part of the poem, and then carried the foreboding theme through at the end where you had some REALLY vivid writing. Yikes!

    steel is cold
    as it rests upon her throat
    ‘don’t fight bitch’ yells the
    guttural voice ‘or you can
    kiss those kids good-bye’

    • Mary – thank you so very much, I am so grateful to have writers as yourself not only read my work but critique and comment to help me improve. Yes the ending was a tad vivid but I tried to build it up without actually ‘going’ there. I’ll stop waffling 🙂 thank you again Mary.

  4. Nice one RM.One assumes the owner of the cold gutteral voice knew you had kids. What if you didn’t? It would seem his barometer was not working so well. I’m being silly aren’t i, but that thought just popped into my head. I do that sometimes RM. Enjoy your day!

    • Poetic license I believe, perhaps he knew or didn’t but saw the picture of the kids? Hmm whose to know – what did you say about leaving questions in the reader’s mind 😉 Enjoy yours too.

  5. I really liked this piece; it’s onbvious form the start that there’s mounting tension, but you manage not to give the game away until you are ready. Even though I knew something was about to happen, I didn’t expect that.

    PS – I love your thoughts about poets and all that we can be … smiles.

  6. Didn’t see that ending coming. A very powerful write and I like the pacing and use of language – I haven’t seen gyre used anywhere since Jabberwocky!

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