UK abandoned army camp north Yorkshire in clay mines you worked
Travelled to Rochdale on advice, permit granted to work in textiles
Tiresome, carrying three hundred pound boxes of heavy bobbins
Dress tie and holding leather gloves, you approached the girls and asked to dance
In ex Army style, you clicked heels and bowed,three times you chose just one girl
You a foreigner, had to wait outside the hall on her twenty-first
Parents not accustomed to your broken English ~ you were persistent
Hearts were won, as the War, hearts remained strong, War a distant memory
Immigrated to Aussie shores, past left behind ~ a new life was found
Gay has us working on American Sentences over at http://dversepoets.com – something I had not heard of.
I have been doing a Series of verse for my Pop’s life, this is the Final in the Series (for now) so I thought I would try it in the 17 syllable style of American Sentences.
Hopefully it is okay, I realise it is not beat poetry.
Signed the Fledging Flapping Wing Poet from Down Under
It is the nature of the fledgling to struggle at first but then soar to great heights. That day will come soon I am sure jenny.
In so many avenues…thank you my friend 🙂
Winning hearts, starting a new life- a good finale. Beautiful. 🙂
thank you Anmol 😀
i bet that was hard work, carrying all that weight. waiting outside the hall on her birthday…how interesting, and a bit sad that. glad he found a new life in australia as well…i would love to travel there one day.
hey i didnt see you linked in at dverse…tagged you in
damn I forgot – sorry- and thank you! 🙂
That it was Brian, but there weren’t many choices back then..I am so glad he did wait ~ smiles – thank you so much for reading. Do come on down ~ I am sure you would love it.
I think Beat poetry is as much about observing as it is anything else – and you’ve done a great service to your folks here, in the observations of their early lives. ~ M
I am humbled, thank you so much for visiting and your kindness – very much appreciated.
How wonderful to be writing about your father’s life ~ Good for them to start a new life in another country ~ Hope you are well, smiles ~
Thank you Grace~ always a sweet comment from you ~ yes believe it or not they applied to Canada, Venezuela, USA and NZ but no one wanted them 🙂 I am and I hope you are too.
So many started new lives in a strange country after the war. So many stories and this is but one. Love reading it. 🙂
Thank you Tess ~ yes these are the people that built the countries with blood, sweat and toil – thank you for reading. x
Just gorgeous… I loved the ” you a foreigner had to wait outside the hall on her twenty first, parents not accustomed to your broken English- you were persistent.” How lovely to be writing about your beloved pop my darling. It brings a tear. The photos together are so sweet, I love how you have shown time in all it’s stages.
My beloved hubby wasn’t a foreigner but he had to fight for me…
Thank you darling (I am sorry for not catching up with your posts – but I shall now)
Yes mums parents said “Can we trust him – being a foreigner”? 🙂 I love their old photos they have so many.
I am glad he fought for you as you darling are well worth it.
I enjoyed your American sentences which told told a story. (So did mine, kind of.) Enjoyed the photos a lot. You will never regret having written your father’s life! That is definitely a worthy project to undertake.
Thank you so much Mary – it was a tad tricky – counting fingers and toes 🙂 No I am pleased I have written this and I am so very proud of this man…like any daughter of their father – thank you for reading Mary.
Oh, I love this! The story is wonderful! I love the idea of this series, I’m going to have to go read the rest. 🙂 (And not playing by the rules is very “beat”! Ha!)
I thank you so much- I hope you enjoy the others…you know you are right…sometimes rules just have to broken – thank you Katie – appreciated you reading 🙂
I love hearing these kind of love stories! Makes me feel all happy and gooey inside! 🙂
Hugs for the weekend, Mumsy! Paula xxx
Nothing bits gooey inside now does it 🙂 Have a lovely weekend too sweety xxxxx
You met the goal of packing maximum information in minimum space. Yorkshire is a word alone that creates a book of information and each sentences is so compressed that by the end, I had a picture of the couple, of the times, of their loves, their hardships, and their triumph. Very successful!
Thank you so much Gay – I am blown away with your comments and indeed everyone else’s! I had no idea of what I was really doing apart from keeping each line to 17 🙂 Appreciated your kindness & reading. x
you are on your way with this wonderful series )
Thanks sweety – possibly one more story to finish this off. 🙂 x
oh wow…. love me a good love story….this one sounds wonderful…
Thank you Claudia it was a good series, well not probably my writing, but of his tale – appreciated 🙂
Happy endings! xxxxxxxx
Yes indeed lovely 🙂 xx
Lovely story in your sentences and yes, a lovely happy ending!
Thank you Anna 🙂 Thankfully his life turned around – thank you for reading! x
Love this! Well done.
Thank you so much Shanyn 🙂
A unique way to capsulize their long history together..it keeps the reader’s attention…lovely stories we have about that generation 😉
Thank you so much, the other 2 parts a little more melancholy I’m afraid – glad of the happy ending 😉
The way the sentences progress to tell a story.. wow. each of them working so well as sentence..
Thank you so very much BR for reading and as usual your kind words.
I’ve moved through the three pieces here – they’re not really the place to do ‘crit’, but I will say I’ve been surprised by the evolution of your poetry. Some great work. Also a poignant story. How wonderful that it should ‘end’ with that photograph – a big smile all the more joyous for knowing that it has followed such a history.
Mr. P you have made my day 🙂 Thank you firstly for reading, secondly to say that there has been an evolution in my writing. I remember your guidance way -way back in the beginning last year and you helped to show me that ‘poetry’ did not have to ‘rhyme at the end of every line’. It is a beautiful inspiring story – and yes that last photo of them says it all. Thank you sincerely for your comment.