Raising children
The hardships, the joys, the anger, the love
teaching the ‘little people’ how to become the best that they can be
instilling all the ‘bits and pieces’ that were taught to me
in this different world, this different way of living
sometimes the battles reign supreme, with the pieces not quite fitting
yet, all a mother wants and needs, is simple and not complicated
happiness, being true, settling into a life pattern
**
Their path will be rocky, as was mine, stepping over pebbles
leaping over boulders, experiencing heartache, learning what’s expected
finding love and believing in themselves.
It’s not an easy task for them pursuing dreams, for sometimes dreams
are just that and nothing will come of them.
Perhaps expectations run too high. “Why can’t you be like this or that”?
“What makes you tick, what is your passion?” dreams are simply not enough.
How easy it would be, for them to find their path, how easy it would be for me
to say enough…is enough.
***
Yet I’m bad at teaching lessons, I know this to be fact.
I can’t see my child face consequences.
This is a failure, for the lessons can’t be taught, this is my unavoidable pain
that I’ve brought upon myself.
Raising children is not easy, the road is fraught with danger.
Finding love is what you wish for them, to love themselves and others.
Pursuing dreams is a wish, but is it a reality?
I cannot find you
our roads have crossed too often
find yourself, be happy
©jmtacken Jan 5th 2014
***********
For Mind Love Misery’s prompt this week, we have many choices..choices I’m not good with, so I have incorporated 3 of them in one. I wrote this without really thinking, the old S.O.C just typed and whatever sprang upon the page – so be it, for good or for bad, this is my entry to the prompt.
http://mindlovemisery.wordpress.com/2014/01/05/prompt-37-unavoidable-pain/#comments
The prompts were:-
Some examples of unavoidable pain which you are absolutely free to use
Taking up exercise
Medical procedures
Medication
Rescue efforts (ever hurled yourself in the path of a moving object to save someone?)
Job interviews
Raising children
Finding love
Pursuing dreams
Ramblings From A Mum 
Excellent Jenny, beautifully constructed and your exploration of the unavoidable pain is so very explicit within the piece. One of your good pieces.
Oh you make me blush my friend. This is what ‘penetrates’ my mind on most days….thank you for being so kind, in all my endeavours, be they good bad or indifferent 🙂
Truthful response Jenny
🙂
You’ve done a great job Jenny! You’ve even included another avoidable pain making choices! Though my daughter is only 6 it is hard raising children she can’t see the reason behind some of my rules no matter the pains I go through to explain them.
Thank you Yves, yes I am pathetic when given a choice, tell me straight up what needs doing, I’m ok. 6 understandable, when they are in their 20’s…a whole new ‘ball-game’ I’m afraid.
Ugh….as a mom whose son is about to move out in a few days, this slapped me. Come August both children will be taking their own paths into life. Parenting….so much love but can bring pain. I think you did this brilliantly.
We lead them on the path and can only hope that they take the right fork in the road..agreed so much love, so much pain. Thanks Anja
raising children is def not for the feint of heart you know…its hard to watch them make the mistakes and not want to save them at every turn we can….then again it is part of the learning process…i hear you though….
I taught the lessons, don’t think the class was attended to at times, as I said I find it so difficult to let them fall.. I know you understand, thank you B.
Your honesty is touching and moves any mother, Jen. We never get it right, I fear. if they don’t blame us we blame ourselves. All we can do is the best at any given time, pray and keep our fingers crossed and catch them when they fall. But they know we love them. Who else do they come to when they need?
A difficult road but a worthwhile one in the end. Look at what your parents made you to be. Speaks volumes. x
Yes they do keep coming back.. Though the time frame grows longer. I could get it right if I didn’t set rules and let … Do as they please, but that’s not the real world or how it’s lived 😦 your last two lines are beautiful – thank you so much. X
You already know, Jen that they will do whatever they want to do. Sometimes they just won’t tell you about it. I did it myself as a young ‘un. Their lives, their mistakes. You’ve laid the foundations.
I’ve had hair pulling sessions with one of mine. Me pulling hers. Did I just admit that? Anyway, she needed it. I was pulling her back in from stepping out the door while she called me names over her shoulder. Aye, and I’m going to take that? I don’t think so. That was years ago. She was a wee b**** at the time. Total mind of her own and knew it all. Or so she thought. Thing is she’s too old for me to pull her hair now. 24 is too old, isn’t it? And she doesn’t need it thank god. My 23 year old’s hair isn’t long enough or I would pull his on a daily basis. For his intermittent cheek. And also just for fun,. Tell anyone and I’ll have you terminated. Lol.
All you can do is be there, Jen, and support when they make an arse of it.
Two of mine ‘came out’ to me. That must have been difficult for them. But I was so happy they felt they could. A whole other perspective I’ve gained on life.
You’re a wonderful woman and mother.
A wonderful person. You’ve done the ground work. They’ll make their own mistakes ‘cos that’s what we all do. I’m still doing it. Thank god! Although if anyone tries to pull my hair, I’ll have them.
If I were you, and I’m not, I would go with saying, ‘I’m here if you need me. I can’t live your life for you. You’re old enough to make your own mistakes. Just remember there are consequences you have to live with.’
It kinda gets you out of jail free at last. And lets them know you’re still there for them.
I hope this doesn’t sound preachy, Jen. But you have your life too. You’re already doing so much for others and we know the ‘job’ of mothering never disappears. But there is only so much you can do. Especially if it’s resented and they’re old enough to make their own mistakes.
If I’ve got up your nose with this comment I’ll let you pull my hair.
Ouch…not that hard! 🙂 x
Hi hun, no you are not being too preachy nor have you got up my nose with your comments. I take it all on board and I am grateful that you like others are interested. I don’t think 24 is too old for a hair tug 🙂 So many ‘little’ things that have crept into her life and mine as a result, to the point where she needs to have her own place..but she can’t afford it no job, either has her B/F. It’s all quite ‘sucky’ right now and I have dealt with it for so long. I want us to have a relationship when she moves out, but at the moment we are both destroying what we have and I don’t know if there will be any chance of a solid reconciliation. I won’t pull your hair…I promise and thank you for making me smile a little through this. xxx
Oh, Jen how I can relate to this piece. Parenting is so fulfilling yet so trying. If we do to much we are enablers; not enough we are aloof. I just pray a lot…that they’ll become the people God created them to be. Huge hug for you.❤️
Yes parenting certainly has it’s drawbacks. I like all parents, want my girls to be happy, settled. Perhaps it’s because one doesn’t want to be mainstream….but I find that so difficult…. I think you and many that read posts like this know where I am coming from, hugs are welcomed thank you (& how do you get that heart to work?) xx
Jen, I have the Emoji app on my iPhone and it has hearts and other symbols that you add to your keyboard.😜👍👯
thanks sweetness 🙂 xx
Well done! You have really captured the frustrations of parenthood, very honestly and openly. Reminds me strongly of my relationship with mine.
We are all in the same boat it seems, one way or another, some are paddling in circles, some are on course, thanks sweet, I shall keep trying. Xx
Excellent. We have lived every one of these moments. This is a universal truth. 😀
Yes haven’t we, I just want to stop living them….thanks Tess xx
A mom’s job never stops. 🙂
sigh in times like these…I know 🙂 x
🙂
oh jen, this is so touching and heartfelt and painful, i hope your heart is feeling better soon ) beth
Hugs Beth – you are one that knows what this is about. I hope so too ~ thank you honey xx
yes, and it’s important to remember, when things get hard, that, though we try out best to teach the lessons, not all of the students are ready to understand and learn them yet. they will in time, but it’s the waiting that’s the hardest. hugs )
Can you wake me up when the lessons have been taught? Please? Thank you Beth .. I can only wait this out… Hugs xx
what… they don’t come with an owners manual? eeeeps
but.. Jenn.. Mumsy.. You planted a bit of yourself in each of them, that flourishes and grows, it is remembered and embraced by each of them, whether they know it or not. tis their foundation.
No unfortunately not. Maybe I should write one, point form is all that would be needed. Whether foundation is there, you are right, it’s when we have the earth tremors, that things come crashing down… You know why I wrote this. I can only hope the bits I have planted are the good bits, I doubt it so many times. Thanks sweety xx
as always, I am open to emails. I think the good bits are planted though Mumsy.
I think I shall… Thanks hun xx
Wonderful take on the prompt!! 🙂 🙂
Thanks.
Being a parent is definitely one of the toughest tasks we take on ourselves. We can only hope that the results will be rewarding.
In regards to your poem, i really loved how you worded it and how you manage to just speak to every single one of us in such familiar manner. X
You are so right darling. That’s all we can do, hope that by the time we finish the upbringing we have done it right, I guess my issue is how long should I be at this point.
Thank you sweetheart, you have made me so happy reading that. I know my poetry is ‘basic’ and I have said it before, but putting it as you have ‘familiar manner’ does sound a much lovelier way – hugs xx
Oh, absolutely! I always think your words are brilliant in a simple manner, for everybody to relate to x
thank you, I can have my writing simple, as long as people don’t see me as that 🙂 xx