remember how I love you (Prose)

when your eyes close for the last time
you know how much I love you?
will you see the family gathered
singing Czech and German songs

~ the songs you love?
will you hear my words ~ ‘love you always’
as I kiss your forehead tenderly
before closing your front door?

will you know your time has come
wanting those you love to hold your hand
to tell you please don’t go?
for we are just as frightened losing you
as you are of losing us

I want to ~ I want to not let a day or night go by
before you know
but this asks the impossible
as I cannot be there, live in your house, be by your side
as much as I wish ~ I wish

I have guilt when I can’t be ~
guilt that I am not near you
sleepless nights, dreams ~ nay nightmares
tears shed in daylight and in darkness

if I receive a call saying you passed
and I was not there by your side
holding your hand
telling you not to be afraid
how can I face myself?

do you welcome death?
have you had enough of this life
long to see the next?
are you torn with staying with those you love
and the need to escape
to stop your suffering?

how each minute of the day goes passed
when I do not think of anything else
than to be with you, when your time comes
not be out shopping or doing chores
but hugging you ~ saying it’s ok you can sleep now

we all must face this ~ to lose those whom we love
our hearts not scraped, but torn in two
will life flash before your eyes?
when you close them for the final time?
will you know how much I love you?

it’s too hard to comprehend
the time that you won’t be here
the time I can’t hug you close, help you ~ be near
the time that I no longer say ‘love you always’
and kiss you tenderly
but know this ~ remember this ~ I do and always will

©jmtacken Jan 2014

Tell those you love that you love them. Not tomorrow or the next but now. Show them that you do, hug them, kiss them, hold their hand. Tell them you will miss them. Tell them how much they mean to you and how much they are loved and why you are grateful they are who they are…for none of us know when the time may come when we unable to do any of this…

Just thinking tonight of what is to be…and though it may not be for some time (I can only hope) … we need to remember how life is so precious, how those we love aren’t always told enough. They are us, we are them… show them that you love them.

39 thoughts on “remember how I love you (Prose)

  1. Very touching Jenny. I thought of my grandmother and how I was about to go into labor when she died and I couldn’t be there with her I couldn’t even go to her funeral because I was in the hospital I hope I told I loved her enough and that she knew it

  2. This is so touching full of truth and wisdom. It is so hard to come to terms with the fact that those we love and “take for granted” will one day leave us, die. You are so right we need to tell our loved ones how much we love them. Very well written

  3. An emotional piece filled with so many raw emotions and truth. I know all of those sentiments too well especially the last three weeks with my father.

  4. Thank you Anja ~ there are moments like tonight – when it hits home and I wrote without really thinking about how it would turn out. It is universal, but one thinks it will never happen to them…or hopes. I am sorry about your dad, thank you for reading and apologies for not visiting much of late.

  5. So, so beautiful, Jen. As you know I am miles and miles away from my “penguins” and I cringe when I see their number appear on my phone wondering if it is the call. I don’t want to be selfish wishing they stay with me in this life when their bodies are failing and they aren’t really living anymore, but it’s so difficult.

    • I thought of you when I wrote this and your situation. The call is something none of us are looking forward too, let’s hope it’s a long way off for both of us. You are right though – they shouldn’t suffer and when they are ready to leave us, we just have to be as strong as we can be. (hugs) xx

  6. hits close to home, considering my father in law was hospitalized this weekend with internal bleeding and i spent the weekend with thoughts of what comes next…he i s fine now, but its only a matter of time..and he has charged me with doing the final rites..i wrote about it for tomorrow

    • Oh B – I’m sorry – thankfully he is okay now – what a scare though. How old is he? I shall have to catch up – I am so behind with everything. How privileged you are though for being asked – take care. (hugs)

  7. Oh Mumsy, I felt chills reading that. It was filled with love and despair.
    It’s hard watching people we love getting older and slowly slipping away from us. Paula hugs you tight. xxxxxx

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