Can’t you see me (Prose)


what was your journey
did you pirouette ‘cross mirrors
glass unyielding
drift on gondolas
floating rivers of satin


or was your world defined
by fear
each breath inhaled
hope disintegrated
the days you woke
a burden upon


you reached
but no one grabbed
you cried
but tears weren’t heard
a journey leading no where
in silence
held yourself in you
as no one understood


your fragility hidden
you held no signs
lost my way, I am weak
can’t you help
can’t you tell
the battle fought


did your self esteem
waft in vapours
from the coffee cup you held
early morning air suffocating
the days that you felt strong
trying to fit, the jigsaw puzzle in
your mind


let me help you pirouette
once more in life
dance across this stage of so called
for it is all around us
it is not you

©jmtacken 23rd Feb 2014  – Fiction

Photo Credit:Falln-Stock    Shared with Mind Love Misery’s Prompt Prompt 44 Immobilizing Paronoia

62 thoughts on “Can’t you see me (Prose)

  1. After losing the use my right in a motorcycle accident, I was extremely depressed. What saved me was that I changed my values and rules. Evaluate your values and have as little rules as possible. Life is great, I am an awesome human being and so are you!

    • Thank you for reading and commenting Joche. I am sorry to hear of your accident, thankfully, this is a fictional piece of writing. I have some dark days, but unlike some others I am able to see the sunlight.

  2. i like the compassion in that last stanza…a desire to help them dance again
    they need that kind of community because in your description
    they seem so very alone…as if no one understands

  3. Not much in the way of gowns for me – not really a gown person. Self-esteem issues, though, and feelings of insecurity – took me a long time to realize though and start working on them – it’s a work in progress. Beautifully done, especially the ending. 🙂 Your facility with poetry is really improving – you’re becoming more compact and intense. 🙂

    • You are welcome hun and I think many of us can fall into the dark places, it’s having the ability to crawl out of them. For those who can’t I can’t imagine what life is like for them every day. Hugs xx

  4. Reblogged this on depressionexists and commented:
    Hello lovely bloggers, 🙂

    Those that follow me regularly would have picked up how much I love the lovely, Mumsy. (Jen)

    As you would have seen from my last post I have been struggling quite a bit internally. I had to reblog this as Mumsy has written about Depression with great understanding. She’s a wonderful writer and if you don’t already follow her, you should! Back writing soon. Hope you’re all well. Love to you all and many hugs, Paula xxxxx

  5. Not exactly sure why, Jen, but both the photo and the poem reminded me of the movie Black Swan. Your words, to me, were a bit dark and sad (as it should be when dealing with such a somber topic), but with an outstretched hand, offering help if only one would reach out. Well done, as always.

    • Yes, I also saw Black Swan, such a tragic tale that one. Darkness and sadness are so much part of many lives these days, they need a hand to pull them out of the abyss. Thank you for reading lovely and your kindness xx

  6. Oh Jen, I adore this for so many reasons…in the photo (which I love!) the delicate lace on the gown against the cold, hard stone – two worlds colliding, one delicate one strong. Your exquisite poem truly depicts a sad mind against a harsh world. Your beautiful words pirouette into my heart.

    • Thank you so very much, I did take a little while sourcing the photo but I had not thought of how you, have the two world colliding – very perceptive of you. I appreciate you reading and your lovely comment ~ thank you.

  7. So much emotion in those bite-size lines. Love the imagery, especially, ‘did your self esteem/ waft in vapours/ from the coffee cup you held’

  8. It is nice to go back and check friend’s bodies of work. This is a lovely poem, Jen. It has darkness but it also reveals emotions that make us understand better the mind of someone who has sometimes daily battles with depression, others who have random moments of darkness also feel the need to be ‘seen.’ This meant a lot to me, Jen. Thanks for not minding people going back to past posts. It is always sad when you have some who put ‘closed comments’ on their fine pieces of writing. . .

    • Thank you so much Rob, it is flattering to have people read my past pieces. I write these usually after an episode with K. I try to feel how she does and what she experiences. I’m happy that you have gone into the archives and I’m glad it meant something to you..thank you xx

  9. I know there are lots of feelings behind each word, a representation, but mostly I am blown away by the artistry of the poetic expression….your words are a gift🌷

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