Outside looking in

It robs her
of the woman that she was
and we can only try to
help this new world in which she lives

It clenches her
with a power unforeseen
dragging it with her, along its path
where nothing seems the same

It challenges her
to find a place where she’s content and
those who love her, can comprehend

It leaves her
with unanswered questions
those she’s asked, yet knows not if she has

It punishes her
for growing old, to deal with feeble body
now of mind

It confuses her
a need to fight or not
or is she simply unaware

It damages her
the mother that I knew, where her
imagination plays recycled tricks

As she stares into the distance
forgetting questions that she’s asked
Discontent at routine change
Scared of what once was familiar

Woman once strong
guiding, caring, nurturing, loving
She is still there …somewhere
not knowing that she hides
from the world she knew

img012

Mum

Mum

copyright JMTacken 14.6.14

 

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36 thoughts on “Outside looking in

  1. that must be so hard. what a beautiful woman your mother is, you resemble her very much. i know it is hard to stand by and feel helpless as you watch her change and age. what beautiful and touching words you have written here jen. hugs ) b

  2. I love the photo of your parents and also the one of your mom. I’m sure it’s difficult to witness this change of state day after day. Your words articulate so clearly what so many families feel and cannot say. So, so beautiful, Jen.

    • Thank you darling, she was 21 in her wedding photo. The other was 4 years ago at my daughters wedding…she has changed considerably since then. I hope I was able to. Hugs and love ❤ xx

  3. It is saddening… and yet your words remind me that this moment matters, every thing as we know it doesn’t last forever. The change, whether for the better or worse, gnaws at our lives on a continuous basis.
    I wish immense strength for you and your mother. 🙂

  4. Beautifully written Jenny, the lose of parents through this disease is never easy to deal with. It challenges you to find reserves of strength you never thought you’d have to find. But you are hanging in there with her and you can do no more.

  5. aging can rob us of much…so sad as well when things start being forgotten or when you can tell they are at another time or place…and not really there…heartbreaking really…

  6. Jen, heartfelt, these beautiful and poignant words are very true indeed.
    As you know I learnt all of this too and my end mindset is to converse in their moment. By this I mean my Mums (and residents at my work) moments, were my focus at the time we are interacting. Could be in the past, could be now, nearly always repetitive but very relevant to them. Supporting dementia sufferers by appropriately accomodating them, is in my opinion preferable rather than confusing or reminding them of their loss of themselves.
    Time will take its toll and you must pace yourself my loving friend. XX

    • Hello darling, it is a frustrating, upsetting ongoing struggle that I know will only get worse. I’m trying the best I can, my emotional state being what it is though, is making it hard as I am living with them for now.. Thank you sweetheart xxx

  7. Expressed so beautifully…the loss an adult child suffers as she/he watches a parent retreat to another space (that at times excludes their loved ones) is painful and filled with grief…lovely photos of your Mum. Take a heap of care Jenny.

  8. Love you my darling Jen. Keep strong. Every moment matters… Tis difficult when your head space is affected with worry and anxiety. Mum knows you are there even though her mind is someplace else. You are wonderful and I’m thinking of you.
    xxxx

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