When we’re held
Encased in plastic boxes
Seen by others
Hearing muffled words
We turn, as if the tilt of our heads
would make things clearer
Heads butt the corners
as we claw for an opening
an out, our hunger for clarity
What is right or wrong
Alone we listen
words a rubber ball
An emptiness, a nothing
searching for escape
Prisoners, that barbed wire separates
that neither can climb
What do we do with the answers we receive
Acknowledge and change our ways
Or do we disregard
Walk our own path
Trying to numb the pain
Feeling the blisters fester
Continuing to fill
until the day they burst
copyright JMTacken 7.7.14
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I get a good sense of the pain and frustration of your world at present Jenny. The dilemma of an uncertain world where there are no written rules only the horror of your reality. Hang in there friend its a rocky ride but one that will smooth out one day.
Then what I wrote has been understood, thank you Michael. I can only hope.
Jenny, I hope you are taking care of yourself. Right now you are Number One. ❤
I do what I need Jackie, hard to though when the situation is how it is. Thank you though x
Oh Jenny I so felt the frustration and exasperation. Don’t forget that yes, it is okay to take care of you. You must!!!
I’m not used to doing that when help is needed elsewhere, but I know what you are saying and I thank you. xx
I work in a field where I often come across someone who is THE caregiver, provider, fixer-for everyone else. I always ask them….what happens to the others if something happens to you? You are wonderful.
Thank you so much Col, I am but a mum, no medals required. ❤ xx
Still on the rocky road, it appears: weariness and exasperation. Hope relief is on the horizon. ❤
Yes and for some years to come, my only hope is that she gets better and is happy with her life. Thank you Tess ❤ xx
❤ ❤ ❤
Jen, the question you pose at the end says it all…what do we do with the answers? I agree with the logic expressed by others-take care of you first, but my heart knows right where your head is. Hugs, friend. Love you.
Thank you so much darling, I’m ok, though some days I know I’m not. Being a mum our hearts rule our heads – love you too ❤ xx
its hard to walk alone…no matter how separated we feel…i think we need that connection…and numb never really happens…its always there just under the skin festering….
So true Brian, one never escapes the pain, it’s always there in one form or another. Thank you my friend.
I know it may seem kind of hard to think of at the moment, but the razor’s edge voice in this writing is so sharp because of what you are experiencing….not that it makes it any easier. peaceful thoughts to you…..
Thank you M, many many emotions go through me right now. Trying to stabilise is all I can hope for..for everyone. Appreciate you reading.
all we can do, is to do the best we can, each and every day. some days it is so much harder to do that than others, just do the best you can.
Thank you Beth, you know possibly more than anyone what I’m going through..what we are going through. I wait for the day when it’s on an even keel and not being tossed about without safe anchor. xxx
It’s not good when those blisters burst – best to get them out a little at a time. Don’t let things build up, Jen. Miss you xxxx
Thank you darling. It’s nice to know that I am missed. I just can’t write anything apart from what I’m feeling right now and I know it’s tiring to read continually. Hugs ❤ xxx
Not tiring at all xxxx
That is sweet of you to say, but even I tire of how I’ve been writing of late. Thanks for wanting to boost me up though. xxxx
I’ve never known a blister yet that heals without bursting and the pain in the state when it does is awful but somehow a relief to know that it will begin to heal after that. You can’t do more than you’re doing, Jen. Your choices would appear to be to let the blister burst of its own accord when ready or lance it. Either way, you’re the salve. She’ll recognise that eventually. Until then, all you can do is go on with your life as best you can and keep letting her know you’re ready to help when she’s ready to receive it. If it is to take years in the healing you can do no more than still live even while you feel you’re dying inside. If the words don’t change anything, time will eventually. Stay strong, Jen.x
I can only hope it heals, as having a relationship with her again, is what I want so badly. She perhaps cannot see this yet, it will take a very long time, many backwards steps, before forwards. Yes, I know I must continue as I want to see her happy and healthy once more. Thank you for writing this AM, knowing your supporting & encouraging helps me get through. Hugs to you lovely xx
I believe time will heal most of the wounds. The mountain of hurt is so hard to believe will ever go away, but you will get up and over it, slowly but surely. It is hard to really help from a distance. You must take each moment slowly, breathing in and out and remembering to keep yourself strong, by eating healthy foods, looking at pretty things, indoors and out, trying to compartmentalize the pain, even for a little while. I can see you in that plastic box, yearning for others to hear and join you, the one who has hurt you will know she made a mistake. Somehow, I believe all the time and energy you put into loving her and raising her, will come back into her mind. I am praying that your parents and your partner will help you, listen often, and give you warm embraces. Meanwhile, you have some great supportive people here, Jen. Hugs, Robin
Thank you once again Robin, she doesn’t hurt me intentionally, that is the hard part, after she experiences extreme moments of emotion or melt downs as I refer to them, she usually doesn’t know afterwards the extent of the damage, from her verbal abuse. My emotions are high one moment, low the next, similar to hers but not nearly as extreme. Most of my family are being supportive, some bury their heads in the sand, as it’s difficult for them to come to grips with. I do have supportive people along with my virtual family and I am extremely grateful for having met such wonderful and compassionate people as yourself. Hugs xxx
The pain is this is sharp and clear.
It was and still is at times, thank you S x