When we’re held
Encased in plastic boxes
Seen by others
Hearing muffled words
We turn, as if the tilt of our heads
would make things clearer

Heads butt the corners
as we claw for an opening
an out, our hunger for clarity
What is right or wrong
Alone we listen
words a rubber ball

An emptiness, a nothing
searching for escape
Prisoners, that barbed wire separates
that neither can climb
What do we do with the answers we receive
Acknowledge and change our ways

Or do we disregard
Walk our own path
Trying to numb the pain
Feeling the blisters fester
Continuing to fill
until the day they burst

copyright JMTacken 7.7.14

29 thoughts on “Tap…tap

  1. I get a good sense of the pain and frustration of your world at present Jenny. The dilemma of an uncertain world where there are no written rules only the horror of your reality. Hang in there friend its a rocky ride but one that will smooth out one day.

  2. Jen, the question you pose at the end says it all…what do we do with the answers? I agree with the logic expressed by others-take care of you first, but my heart knows right where your head is. Hugs, friend. Love you.

  3. its hard to walk alone…no matter how separated we feel…i think we need that connection…and numb never really happens…its always there just under the skin festering….

  4. I know it may seem kind of hard to think of at the moment, but the razor’s edge voice in this writing is so sharp because of what you are experiencing….not that it makes it any easier. peaceful thoughts to you…..

  5. all we can do, is to do the best we can, each and every day. some days it is so much harder to do that than others, just do the best you can.

    • Thank you Beth, you know possibly more than anyone what I’m going through..what we are going through. I wait for the day when it’s on an even keel and not being tossed about without safe anchor. xxx

  6. I’ve never known a blister yet that heals without bursting and the pain in the state when it does is awful but somehow a relief to know that it will begin to heal after that. You can’t do more than you’re doing, Jen. Your choices would appear to be to let the blister burst of its own accord when ready or lance it. Either way, you’re the salve. She’ll recognise that eventually. Until then, all you can do is go on with your life as best you can and keep letting her know you’re ready to help when she’s ready to receive it. If it is to take years in the healing you can do no more than still live even while you feel you’re dying inside. If the words don’t change anything, time will eventually. Stay strong, Jen.x

    • I can only hope it heals, as having a relationship with her again, is what I want so badly. She perhaps cannot see this yet, it will take a very long time, many backwards steps, before forwards. Yes, I know I must continue as I want to see her happy and healthy once more. Thank you for writing this AM, knowing your supporting & encouraging helps me get through. Hugs to you lovely xx

  7. I believe time will heal most of the wounds. The mountain of hurt is so hard to believe will ever go away, but you will get up and over it, slowly but surely. It is hard to really help from a distance. You must take each moment slowly, breathing in and out and remembering to keep yourself strong, by eating healthy foods, looking at pretty things, indoors and out, trying to compartmentalize the pain, even for a little while. I can see you in that plastic box, yearning for others to hear and join you, the one who has hurt you will know she made a mistake. Somehow, I believe all the time and energy you put into loving her and raising her, will come back into her mind. I am praying that your parents and your partner will help you, listen often, and give you warm embraces. Meanwhile, you have some great supportive people here, Jen. Hugs, Robin

    • Thank you once again Robin, she doesn’t hurt me intentionally, that is the hard part, after she experiences extreme moments of emotion or melt downs as I refer to them, she usually doesn’t know afterwards the extent of the damage, from her verbal abuse. My emotions are high one moment, low the next, similar to hers but not nearly as extreme. Most of my family are being supportive, some bury their heads in the sand, as it’s difficult for them to come to grips with. I do have supportive people along with my virtual family and I am extremely grateful for having met such wonderful and compassionate people as yourself. Hugs xxx

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