Update- Chat time

I haven’t had a chat for a while, so I thought it time, to let you what has been happening in my life, the last couple of months.

I started writing (as a post) life with a borderline or more precisely with K (my daughter) and how she has been of late, this I hold for now as it’s a very long read. Needless to say she is up and down on the Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) roller coast as am I.

Because of the circumstances we all found ourselves in, I had to put my house up for sale, which I did. Monday it sold, I’m not very happy about the price, but I was bullied by the Agent into committing to this buyer. Like most Estate Agents (Realtors) he said “I won’t get a better price” and became quite angry and irate with me, because I wanted to hold on longer.  My home was only on the market for 2 weeks. Being in the emotional state I am, I said right sell it. I will, when this has settled, be reporting his behaviour.

I moved out of the penguins on Tuesday. I have been out of my home for 2 months. Now I am living with Mr. S in his rental property which is an hour away from them and my friends.

K and her b/f moved into a shared house and I’m not sure how long they will last, especially if she has a major melt down. This worries me considerably, but as I have learnt from past experience, anything could happen at any time.

I am having a few visits with a therapist, who tells me I have my own life to live, which I know is true, but it causes me anxiety,  as now I can’t devote the time to mum and pop or be there for K should she urgently need me. But I have to try and step back and hope that she can manage her life, knowing I’m there in the background, even though I feel guilty.

I’m not one to spend time on myself or think of myself, although I am told this is what I must do, it’s not easy to change ones make up.

The house here is not my home, though I am with Mr. S. The home I’ve left, a place where I spent 16 years bringing up my girls. So there have been many tears shed. This is the emotional me. This weekend we go and pick up clothes etc and the following weekend we have the truck to move the furniture and try and decide where everything will go.

I would like to thank all of you for still supporting and following me, for your emails and concern. You have kept me hanging in there, when times became extremely rough.

I know my life has changed, as has K’s.  Everybody’s has.

I hope I can get back to writing how I was, as soon as I can.

Thank you everyone,

x

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54 thoughts on “Update- Chat time

  1. I would have told the agent toi F-off! What’s up about that–do you think they give a rat’s ass about you? No. I’d back out and get a new agent one that does what you want. >KB

    • I signed a 30day contract for him to have rights to the sale KB. I wrote more of an explanation to Grapeling, which may give you more information. No they don’t care about the seller. I also had the advertising expense, but as I said to Michael, I will be looking into further. I wasn’t being naive about the process, but because of my emotional state, I wasn’t strong enough to argue. I almost told him to F off..believe me. We originally signed him, instead of another Agent, as he said he would drop his commission to 2% instead of the 2.5%. In his irate phone call he said “I’m putting the commission back up” I told him we had signed a contract and he couldn’t, that got him more rattled. Thank you though, but I think it’s sadly done and dusted now.

  2. If I may – I spent 17 years in home lending and have encountered innumerable real estate agents (albeit here in California.) The agent’s behavior is worth reporting now – not later – and may be grounds for voiding the sales contract. It’s free to consult another agent – ask your local grocer or other merchant with whom you are cordial – they can tell you who has been around a long time, who has a good name, and who to avoid. (Word gets around quickly no matter the size of the town.) If, after a consult, you still wish to void the deal – then find the legal means to do so, to protect your interests. ~ M

    • Thank you M, I have signed the papers now. It would have to go to court, which I cannot afford to do.
      I guess it’s a case of having the crystal ball, do you know I won’t get other buyers who would pay more? This is what I said to him, he said in the 2 weeks he only got lower offers and I was being unrealistic and moving the goal posts. That he has the 11 years experience. I will be going further with this and his stand over tactics. He told me in the beginning what he thought the house would bring, but with the phone call he said this ‘was gold’ albeit 20-30k less than I wanted. We have Agents over here that all do the same thing, they advertise the house at a much lower price, they do this in order to get the buyers in..then they work on them. His price initially to bring in the buyers was $110k less than what I or he wanted or thought he could get. This is an illegal practice, but it is rife in Australia. I will investigate it further M but have to wait till next week now. Thank you for your comments, I really do appreciate what you have told me.

      • rife everywhere, Jen. there’s an illegal practice here among agents whereby they buy (or arrange for an accomplice to buy) the house for less than market, then flip it. happens all the time. well, if ink is dry then not much can be done… unless, for some reason, the buyer fails the loan or otherwise finds something unacceptable about the property, and backs out. good luck to you ~

  3. Oh, I’m so sorry to hear you are going through such in your life, I can imagine it being really challenging…I know how it is to always dedicate ones life to others, and not for your own, and how difficult it is to change your natural make-up…but it sounds like you are doing the right things. Sending you lots and lots of hugs; you can get through this and soar, just keep on doing what you are doing. x

      • I know what you mean sweetie, just try, and slowly you’ll get there. My therapist says it takes approx twelve weeks to overturn a habit, so just keep doing what you are doing. x

      • You are most welcome. The key is to always stop and challenge negative thoughts when they arise, when you start doing that, your whole outlook starts to change…trying to seek evidence to back up your thoughts, and where there is no evidence, then you know not to listen to it…sounds simple, but it is difficult to adopt effectively, but once you start, you’ll notice a difference, and when you keep it up, eventually, you will have changed that part of your thinking. x

  4. Jen I had no idea that you were this far along with the property. Just 15 mins ago we signed a 120 day contract for our 2 business properties with a very professional well known real estate co. and the listed prices for the ads will be the lowest value upto 20,000 over what we want (but no more than a 10% difference) This range is normal and flippin hell you must tell me who you went through. There are very strict rules of conduct now and I advise you to write and complain and send the letter to him, his company and the Real Estate Institute etc. soon as . Our guy has acted for us before. Selling in two weeks is amazing in this market just shows you prob would have got more. Sorry darling I am shocked for you and apologise for this rant. Need to hug and squeeze you in person but we can’t seem manage a time lately. Love to you and S. XXX

    • I will be writing darling, I’ve sent you an email..easier to explain..I hope. I know, now it’s going to be a matter of meeting half way ..Doncaster ? Or sometime on a weekend when I visit the penguins. Love you too, I’ll pass it on too S, hopefully we can catch up soon. xxxx

  5. Jen, so sorry for all of the strife and emotional upheaval. On top of everything else it must be very unsettling to be so, well, unsettled. Despite the arrogance and inappropriateness of the agent, I hope this move is the first step forward for you and that life begins to show you it’s charm and rewards. I know how much you care for your penguins and children. Many hugs through this still uneasy time. ❤

    • Thank you Col, for your support and your care. Yes, apart from trying to bring some justice to the situation, I have no choice but to move on and I hope that my life will become more balanced. Hugs back to you lovely for everything. ❤ xx

  6. i am so sorry for all of this upheaval. i know it seems to all happen at once. as to the house, you cannot undo what has been done, but yes, a complaint is in full order, what a jackass he is to prey on someone who is feeling vulnerable and not at her best, with so much turmoil going on. for yourself, you need to do what you can to feel better and heal, though i know the wound is not closed, but at least as you work your way to finding a comfortable balance again, leave the bandaid on, and do what you need to do to get better. mr. s. sounds supportive and for that you are lucky, as for k and her boyfriend, you cannot do what you cannot do, she must move through her life as you do yours, and as you get stronger and healthier again, you will feel better able to let her do so. as a parent, it is the most challenging thing in the world to do nothing, but it is so important, for your own sanity and for her to find her way through the world. know that your life will get back on track, it will take time and you are headed in the right direction. we are all here to support you and know how much you give, how talented you are in many ways, and what a wonderful and loving person you are. you cannot use yourself up in helping others, better you are a bit removed in a way, to get your head on straight and then you can pop by and help whenever you feel up to it, penguins included. you will all benefit from this, as counter intuitive as it sounds. sorry for my rambling, jen. hugs ) b

    • I can only say do not apologise for your rambling, for you have given me so much in what you have written. I smiled at jackass, for he is so this and more and he hasn’t heard the last of me. I guess the not knowing how K will be, is what affects me the most in all of this, especially now I’m further away, but you are right, she needs to find her way in the world, as I do now. I will leave the band aid on as you say. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you have written and for helping me, you are gorgeous. Hugs and love xxxx

  7. Selling a house and moving is emotional enough without all the added turmoil you are experiencing. I wish for you stability and peace. I couldn’t handle all you have on your plate as it is mind-boggling. Yes, you must live your own life but it’s hard not to worry as well. Hope your daughter doesn’t have a meltdown for forever, or a long enough time for you to catch a well deserved breather.. ❤ ❤

  8. Jen, I am so sorry you are having to deal with all this. Mental illness is an awful monster that cares nothing for the lives it touches and lurks at every opportunity to stir events. I, like many others, wish I could help you and certainly send you heartfelt hugs and love. Do what you must to take care of you! ~Jackie

    • It is a monster, a good description Jackie and it lurks within my daughter, springing out out when least expected. Thank you for your comments, your kindness and love, I am grateful. ❤ x

  9. So many hugs, and tons of love and healing are being sent your way. These are major life changes and it’s very understandable that you’ll shed a few buckets of tears as you adjust. I’m glad you’re seeing a therapist, I certainly know that I would be in your situation. I know from personal experience with my daughter’s bipolar disorder, that mental illness is a horrible beast that forces you to make choices and deal with situations that you wouldn’t otherwise have to encounter. Just know that you and your family are in my thoughts. xxxxoooo<3

  10. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through all this, Jen 😦 Now the ink is dry on the house sale it’s time to move onward and upward! Your therapist is right, but people like you and I find it very difficult to focus on ourselves. The only way I can do this is to imagine I’m the engine of this damn train and if I break down, so does everything else! Eat well and spend as much time as possible relaxing (without the mind-racing issues – which I struggle with at times). Sending you big hugs and support, my darling xxxx

    • It will be onward and upward, there are no other choices here, I know. Thank you darling, yes the engine can’t break down and I will look after myself as much as I can. Mr. S is helping me through this all, he is my rock. Once I can get past the guilt of everything, I hope to get on the right track to a new life, in a new place (though this is temporary for 6-12 months). Deep breath and begin…. Hugs sweety for being here xxx

  11. Selling a home is an an emotional thing. We are judged by what we are selling, tis our life, buyers want to have deal and offer less… we are insulted. Our preconceived ideas of value are not market based often. Agents tell us how much they think they can get… but they inflate prices so we will sell. That decision is often difficult, to sell. Once we make it then we want to sell… and then market determines the price of the home. Your agent sounds a bit like a twit though, saying they are raising the agreed upon commission. I am surprised you have to pay the advertising costs, we do not do that here, it is included in the agents costs. Perhaps the commissions are different though.

    Jenn this gives you a chance to move on, make your new house… home. Take care of you first please. So I am going to say congrats on selling in only two weeks. In this market that is a good thing. Now you can turn a page. You can dwell on the agent and what they did or didn’t do, but then you are going to keep an open sore… open. It will be your word against theirs unfortunately.

    *super big hugs*
    Amber

    • Thank you sweet, I know it’s the market who decide. The house is only worth what buyers want to pay, my anger is because of the way he spoke to me and also that it was only on the market two weeks and that he came in at a ridiculously low price to hook the buyers in. A crystal ball required, I know would I have received more, would the house be on the market for too long. Houses are scare over here and prices normally go for way above the ‘expected’ price. Daughter B and her husband have been looking for 3 months, each time the house they want goes for $100-$200k more. Yes we have to pay for the brochures, board, on line advertising. Commission is usually 2.5% of the sale price here. I won’t fester with the issue, but I will be writing a complaint to him and the Real Estate Board, but I must wait till the settlement has gone through.
      I know it’s a new chapter in my life, it’s just adjusting and getting used to it right now, which I’m sure in time I shall be able to do. Hugs and thank you hun xxx

  12. Hi Jen, I do love your updates as I think about you daily. I know how difficult leaving your home must have been, but the memories you made within those walls you will take with you to your grave. I am excited for you that you get to move forward. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Take it one day at a time. Love yourself through this. I know, I know, I’m not good at that either, but I found myself having to do just that last year about this same time. I listened to myself and what I needed. I made sure I got enough sleep. I tried to eat well. I nurtured myself. Please do that for yourself. You’re not worth anything to anyone else if you are emotionally and physically spent. Love and hugs ~ B

    • Hugs and kisses to my ‘sister’ thank you, I’m trying each day to move forward.my life to date has sadly been one drama after another and a feel I should be reigned Ms. Drama queen because of it. I don’t know my life without hurdles or obstacles, this is what I hope to have and also have to get used to. I hope now that I am on the way to living what years I have left without it, though K will always present hurdles, I am hoping that now she and I are apart, she will adapt and try and be more settled. I sit here having a wine on the deck at my temporary new home, waiting for Mr. S to come home from work. I went back to the house and packed the car full and tomorrow we will shall do the same. I cried..but I need to, the memories, the saying goodbye to a house I loved. Thank you gorgeous lady, you and others give me strength to get through this and I am grateful beyond words. ❤ xxx

  13. Why is it that when we think things have reached rock bottom we take another tumble. I am sorry you have had such a bad time with house sale. Do pursue your grievances with the estate agent as soon as you can don’t let him get away with this. Things with K seem rough but you do need to think of yourself. How are the penguins can you chat chat with Pop, I understand you can with your mum. O do hope Mr S Is being supportive. Why does life chuck it all at us at once. Things will improve they always do, keep strong and sane . I am still sending you love and praying for you. xxx

  14. Oh Jen, I know how crazy it has been for you and you and S are always in my thoughts. I have not been able to write too often but my heart breaks for you as I read about the packing up of half a lifetime. After 16 years of living in your home, where the girls were born, it is more than just a home isn’t it? that emotional connection is so much deeper. I’m so sorry you have to move far away, away from mum and pop, away from K, although that may not be such a bad thing for now.
    We will chat some more later. Lot’s more to say as you know 🙂
    love you xxx

    • Thank you darling, no the girls weren’t born there, but their teenage early adult life was spent there. K came around as we were packing on Saturday, I said it’s tough coming back here isn’t it, she said yes there are wonderful memories and also shite memories and I didn’t want to leave how I did. I said it is what it is, she agreed. It’s a whole new life for me over here, I’ve never lived in the western suburbs always the eastern, doesn’t mean that much I guess, but I’m away from the familiar and family and friends. You have been so wonderfully supportive and I love you too. Talk soon. ❤ xxxx

  15. I read something the other day that went something like…..”When you reach one ending remember that at some point it was a new beginning”. Not quite that, but something like it. 🙂 Anyway, I guess the sentiment I’m trying to get across is although this ending in your life is sad and traumatic and feels somewhat forced upon you, it is after all a new beginning and many GOOD things will come of it. You just have to have faith that you WILL be ok.

  16. To speak to desertrose’s comment, I used this in a story once – “What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.” It truly is powerful in its meaning and I hope it offers you a glimmer of hope and an oh so slight smile, my dear Jen. To move away from all that you know is hard and freeing at once. Unfortunately, the hard comes first. It comes first for a reason though, Jen. A beautiful, strong woman such as you needs the “hard” to crack that outer shell. To allow you to release a sizable portion of what you steel away from the world, so you can open the wound completely and let healing commence.
    As for the “so-called realtor,” (my husband was a mortgage broker for 25 years) May the grand Pooh Bah of the Karma Gods follow him carefully and when he least expects it whack him appropriately where it hurts the most!!!!!!!! You were definitely cheated out of a fair market price on your home. Do you have a governing board of realtors – take it there as well when you can think straight again.
    I’m sorry that you are so far away from friends and family, but I think the universe is leading you where you need to be (as hard as it may seem right now). Let’s call this…A respite for one’s soul. That is my wish for you my friend. You’ve been pulled from so many angles (though I know you worry greatly) YOU need a rest. Sending you love and healing light…always. ((HUGS)) ❤ ~Karen~

    • Hello lovely, yes I understand and it did bring a slight smile. Hopefully soon I will laugh again, but I do know that all this is for a reason. Whether it be that K’s life is more settled, which in turn is what will make mine, or the fact it’s just telling me to slow down and absorb what it is, the respite as you said. You do seem to know me quite well, as I do worry greatly, perhaps too much. My only wants in life are simple, K to be happy, my other daughter the same. My parents too live out their years without suffering and for Mr. S and I to be happy. As far as the realtor goes… oh he shall have the roth of Jen, as soon as the settlement of the house occurs on the 22nd of August. Perhaps that may bring my laughter back…. Thank you sweet lady for your kind words, hugs love and healing light. They mean a great deal to me on this side of the world. ❤ xx

  17. You actually sound stronger, Jen, despite the emotional upheaval of leaving homeground. Bizarrely perhaps, the estate agent has given you a justifiable place to vent some anger at all that has happened to cause such drastic changes in your life. Let him have it, I say. It sounds as if he deserves it and it would be good to have the chance to let off some steam. It’s overdue in some ways with you having had to keep so much together. Kick ass. See it as therapy! Big hugs and love to you. You’re a very special lady with a core of strength that is already on the turn, coming back from depleted levels. There is a way forward.x

    • I guess I’m trying to adjust and put my head space elsewhere, living here now with Mr.S away from all familiar, I have to welcome this new part of my life. The Agent..oh yes my anger will vent, once the settlement has gone through. Mr.S is also on board. Thank you for your compliment, it is nice to hear and makes me blush. You are a very special lady too, that I know. Hugs and forward it is xx

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