Today was a very long day. Yawned, stretched and up at 6. Showered, dressed, cup of tea, out the door at 7. I arrived at 7:20. It commenced at 8.30, but I volunteered to help with door registrations and finished at 5.
Today was the Annual Seminar for Borderline Personality Disorder, which was held in Melbourne. Approximately 450 people attended.
Consumers – this is the label they use for those who suffer from BPD.
Carer’s or Support People – Moi
Clinician’s, Doctors, Health Departments and the best of all, those who have lived with BPD and come out the other side.
Those who were healed and recovered.
Daughter K attended as did her boyfriend J.
We sat and listened to a panel of ‘Consumers’ (such a terrible label) we then listened to two who took to the stage who shared their life experiences.
At morning tea, I had the pleasure to be able to ask one of them, Catherine, a few questions that I needed to know. I shall simplify the questions and answers, after giving her a very brief rundown on how K interacts.
Do BPD’s know how to manipulate ? “Oh we most certainly do”.
Do they lie? “Yes we are pretty good at it”.
Should I feel guilty if I give in to demands? “No you shouldn’t”.
Should I be stronger, set more boundaries? “Yes, you should, why give in to an adult, if she didn’t have BPD would you give in as much? My reply was no. “Well don’t give in now”.
It’s strange how a few words can boost your confidence, give you hope, empower you.
Later during the day Catherine was outside, I was able to speak to her again and better yet, K and J came out and she spoke to K.
“So are you practising your mindfulness”?…….. No not really.
“Do you want to get well”?….. Yes I do.
“Well you won’t if you don’t practice. Even though I am recovered, I have a reminder on my phone every hour to practise, takes one minute. At night I take 2 minutes, centering myself. This is what you must do, otherwise, it will be a long haul”….. I know that now and realise I should….”Good, we can listen to those hundred monkeys in our heads, or we can close the door on them, the option is ours and no one elses”
She talked to us on and off throughout the day, asking me who my support person was, I said I have my partner, but it’s difficult for him to understand and I have girlfriends who give me their advice. She said you need someone who understands, who will be there in the bad moments, which there are many. She gave me her website and email address to talk to her, if I need. I just hugged her and cried.
J and I are now on polite speaking terms, I thought it best to forgive and forget what he said to me in those days prior to me moving in with my penguins. He sent me a text later saying I think K now realises she must work harder at this. I just smiled as I read.
It was only a day, only words, but I have all fingers crossed this may have helped my baby girl on the road to a quicker recovery.
PS: If anyone has any questions about BPD, I will do my best to answer you, either on here or email.
That must have been an informative seminar… knowledge is power, my Lady! ❤
That it was and that it is, thank you sweet ❤ x
Do you want to get well…. hmmm I have heard that whispered before… eeeps from me. Tis true though and often this is why people will say DBT does not work, they were not ready for it.
support, you know I am always here Jenn.
I think this was a great seminar for you to go to, and more so that K and J attended and shared information. It is often good if all hear the same thing.
Yes I think it was from you…smiles, you have been very supportive and for that I thank you .
It was wonderful that K and J both heard from the recovered ones, I have my fingers crossed now that she will try harder. Hugs and ❤ xx
oh, jen. this was so good for so many reasons, it’s a long road for everyone involved, but at least you are all heading in that direction, with detours along the way of course, but heading there you are – how nice you could connect and affirm things with others and know we are always here to listen, but i also know it is good to have someone close by to reach out to, who understands.
Yes the detours even happened this morning over the phone, after yesterday was so positive. She runs a support group which has a chat room and forum for BPD sufferers to go on line and chat when they are melting. Tomorrow is a new day, let’s hope for a better direction then ~ thank you darling for your positivity ❤ x
This sounds like a very helpful seminar–I’m glad you were able to go and get some answers. Over here we have the National Alliance for Mental Health that does a great job of providing support groups and educational seminars. I know they were a great help to me when my daughter was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I know from experience that having resources and a plan can give you, as a caregiver, a feeling of security and stability. Reassurance from others experiencing the same thing is also extremely helpful. Dealing with mental illness sucks for all involved. It sounds like you’re doing all that you can to make everyone’s life easier. Make sure you always remember to take care of you! ❤
It was extremely helpful and I am greatful that there is the support around. I just need K to concentrate now on committing to getting better, today was not one of those days sadly. Hugs to your daughter and thank you for your kind words …I will ❤
Jen it sounds like some fantastic people pulled together to get information out there. I’ve never heard of such a seminar here. I’m glad it seems to have been so productive for you. And as always, you extend a helping hand to others. You are an angel.
Oh you are so sweet, thank you. Yes we are fortunate to have this here. BPD is only coming to the fore really over here.. Just need madam to start working on herself. Hugs ❤ x
❤ Sounds like this seminar was a good effort! 🙂
I like that you have come away feeling confident and empowered Jenny. Stay positive and forwards ever forwards.
Thank you, I hope that I continue to feel this way too.
anything that gives you more information, techniques and creates avenues for communication…i am all for it…glad you went….
Thanks Bri, it was very informative and hopefully helped K. Appreciate you reading.
This is so positive, Jen. A real affirmation of how to proceed and a network of support from those who know and understand. A breakthrough I’m so happy to read of.x
Thank you AM, I am hoping that K learned how to cope a little more or at least to start trying harder. For J and I it was invaluable. Hugs 🙂 x
I liked that lady’s answers, very strong and reassuring. I really hope it helped.
It did on the day, but by the next day there was a melt and if I dare say practise..or use skills, i get yelled at 😦 I hope she will have learned something though finds crossed. Thanks for reading R.
It sounds like an interesting day. Consumers does seem like a harsh word. Interesting choice. My biggest take away from this…and it makes me quite happy…is that it sounds like you have found a wonderful support person. I’ve thought to myself many times…I wish Jen had someone she could talk to who really can relate to what she is going through.:) I hope you are on the upswing. A little golf pun.xoxo
You are right Be k, ‘consumers’ is a terrible word to use. She was wonderful, but I don’t know if I can classify her as my support person, as she is so busy running lectures, holding support groups, that she doesn’t have much time to answer when I call out for help. ( that was a very long sentence) !
Loved the golf ref ha ha xx thanks sweety.
Understanding what you’re facing is the most important thing, Jen. You can’t fight (and fight is probably the wrong word here) something when you don’t know what it is. How do you know if you’re saying the right thing or doing something that will make things worse? Attending this seminar and meeting Catherine is probably the best thing that has happened in a long time. Well done and best of luck with it all! xxxxx
Unfortunately, sweet, none of us really know the right words, as they can be ok one second, but not the next 😦 thank you, hopefully we are now starting the steps to her recovery and possibly mine! xxx ❤
Glad to hear the day went well and that relationships are improving. Hope K is able to work with the mindfulness and it helps her. Catherine sounds a wonderful women to have supporting you. And consumers is an awful, awful word in this context.
Thank you hun, she is lovely, but her support unfortunately is the background, but we have website that I can go on to to talk to other carers and so does K. Yes consumer is an awful word, you are right. Thanks sweety. x
It is so hard to be a mum! I have some challenges among my kids, but your are such that it is now looking like it is going to be better. I will keep you all in my prayers. It is something that K. talks, along with J. being slightly apologetic. Being present, being mindful, those were good suggestions for your lovely daughter, hope she will listen, will remember. I really liked that those ‘few words’ made you feel empowered, Jen! (Also, that you need to say, “No.”) hard so hard, I am feeling your hope and I will embrace you in a big world wide hug, including K. and J. too.
Thank you sweety, she knows she must try harder if she is to improve and recover. Saying no, would have to be one of the hardest, it tears at my heart. She has to practice mindfulness hourly. Which unfortunately she hasn’t been doing 😥 I am feeling stronger and my ‘no’ comes in the form of not talking to her on the phone when she’s screaming at me, even that is hard to do. Hugs back from across the sea. xx
I wish she liked the journaling and mindfulness. Screeching would be better if she learned to cave and scared the bats! Smiles, just kidding, with her luck they would get caught in her hair or something! xoxo take care and enjoy the weekend, Jen!
You made me smile and learning to cave. I wish there were easy answers, being a bat possibly not one of them though 😞 xx