I’m dressed
water, fat, muscle, bone
makes up the me
say nothing of the heart
that beats ‘neath fine skin
a blade between ribs
would empty me
spill the empathy
that holds so heavy
I’m losing strength
to carry this
I see it now a burden
yet this is who I am
Not a day passes
when I don’t ‘feel’
I hear the calls
watch arms above the waterline
I know they’re drowning
friends say they can swim
strip the water, fat, muscle, bone
I can’t, I don’t believe them
I dive in regardless of the blade
Copyright JMTacken 11.2.2015
K still struggles, trying to find work, dealing with her BPD.
Tests from her seizure on the 21st December are still being undertaken. The Neurologist said Epilepsy, but not conclusive until a further MRI and sleep deprived half day EEG are performed.
Pop is still in the Rehab Hospital, they are saying if he can stand out of the chair without assistance, or walk with his walker, with confidence , he may be able to go back home on the 19th, I can’t see this happening.
I visited him this afternoon and took him in the wheelchair to sit under the trees, as he hasn’t been out doors for 3 weeks.
Mr.S and I had a weekend away last weekend, but my mind is always elsewhere and it is draining me.
Thank you you for the emails and messages, I’m just tired and haven’t been able to concentrate on writing or reading your posts. I hope to soon. I hope you are all well, I have missed you.
x
Ramblings From A Mum 
the good thing about water is that it is mostly bouyant…and takes some of that weight off of us when we dive it…drowning takes a bit of effort….i am sorry life is crushing a bit…it can get so heavy…dont try to carry it all yourself…smiles.
Thank you Bri, I wish it was easy to do so, thanks for reading and apologies for not being around.
I can understand how you think that you need to be there for everyone… but don’t forget about yourself. I wish that things soon take a turn and get more manageable for you.
Take care.
Thank you Anmol, if only I could split myself up into pieces…I hope they do, but I fear it will be some time, thanks for reading my friend.
Still thinking of you J 🙂
Thank you R, I appreciate that you do… It helps…
🙂
I have always said, BPD is tough, be tougher. It is a fight. You have to fight though. You have to want to win. It takes time to want to, when you want to, then you do. I know this is terribly confusing. *super big hugs*
If only the ‘fight’ wasn’t so hard. She is not in a good place this morning and I will spend my day worrying about her and trying to help.. Thank you A, hugs are needed. x
I will answer your email soon. Yes it is a very hard fight. For all. But she is worth anything. You have a great connection to her. This is awesome. You are her rock. You are doing so great. Soon she will fight too. It takes time. Mumsy…. you are incredible!
Thinking of you and all your family. Love to you all. I am sorry K is still struggling to find work. A job would give her self-esteem a boost. Poor Pops stuck in all that time. We understand the stress and strain you are under we will be here on your return. ❤ xxx
Thank you lovely. Yes jobs aren’t readily available here right now and if she had a steady income, her life would feel so much better to her. Yes, he is wanting to go home to mum, but I feel he may not for quite some time. Thank you …. 💛
Sending you strength love and good vibes. ❤
Take care, sweetie.:)
Thank you honey and thank you for reading. x
That’s an amazing poem! I do believe you are one of the better poets on the internet I’ve encountered – your eye is so sharp and your voice so unique! On all matters life, I do hope things get better for you soon – take care my friend! 🙂 🙂
It is so nice to wake to a compliment on my writing, I thank you so much Helen. Thank you for your kind wishes on my family, I can only hope they get better soon also. x
Good to hear you are able to get away at least physically. Sometimes a change helps.
You can’t be everywhere and be everything to everybody no matter how hard you try. DO look after Jen as well. ❤ ❤ ❤
Thank you lovely Tess, yes I just wish the ‘mental’ side of me, would also escape with the physical. It’s ongoing and it’s draining as I said.part of me wishes I didn’t have the empathy, to just give up, walk away, but I won’t allow myself to do that…. Hugs and thank you 💛💛
Oh, I DO know you won’t and can’t walk away. That is clear. Bless you, though. ❤ ❤
Thank you. I so wish I could though, that’s the problem I face every moment of the day. I’m not trying to be a hero for anyone, I’m just me. Sorry that I’m so doom and gloom continually. 😢 xx
The wish to help is a weight on your shoulders, Jen, stealing your energy. ❤ ❤
This is so beautifully written…
..so beautifully said..thank you x💛
You capture the pain of your situation so well Jenny. Best wishes things improve soon.
Thank you Michael, words do come from pain, I hope so too…
i’m sorry, this water analogy is so strong –
Hugs..I know..thank you Beth 💛 xx
Have missed you too Hang in there my friend.
Your poem cuts to the quick, Jen. Raw and vulnerable. I wish there were easy answers for you and yours at this time. Something more we could do. Don’t go under. Your loved from many corners. Try to draw on some of that love if it helps at all. Hugs to you, my friend.xxx
Oh Jen. Such emotions in these words. I’m glad you took time, but even taking time doesn’t take you away does it. I’m sorry for the struggles.
I am thinking about you once again, holding you close to my heart. Your escape was meant to take your mind off things, but family always is important and ‘always on our minds.’ Your life, plate and situations all seem very serious and would weigh me down, too. Hoping knowing we love and care about you, we would gladly let you stand on our shoulders to get out of the muck. xo
Thank you I appreciate your kind words hun. I’m pretty much knee deep in it at the moment xxx