Turn off the lights just for a while

Bells
Beeps
Metal drops
Voices
Click click keyboard
Laughter
Three thirty AM
Change of shift
Voices
Lights
Trolley
Chairs scraping
Phone rings
People yelling
Some vomiting
Coughing
Sneezing
Voices loud
Lights
Medical terminology
Neurology
Pathology
Bloods
Ct scan
Voices
Lights
Intercom
Feet shuffling
Ambulance
Feet noise
Curtains paper blowing
Blankets covering
Voices
Lights

At 3:30am this is what I hear.
This afternoon at 11:30 I was driving to pick up K, to take her to the doctors. 11:45 I received a phone call from J, saying I don’t want to worry you but K is having another seizure. I hear a scream in the background.
I drove as quickly as I could, she was lying on the bed disorientated, sitting on the outside step, she started vomiting. I drove her to the doctors 20 minutes away, she vomited a further 6 times.

The doctor said as her breathing was rapid, to take her to the hospital. We enter emergency, get registered, then into a cubicle to wait to see the doctor. J and I sitting on the bed and chair talking to her, K getting fidgety. Then her words, something’s happening, get the nurse, her face was then expressionless, her eyes wide. Within seconds she was having her 2nd seizure for the day.

This time I witnessed it. The beginnings of it, before they closed the curtains and 6-7 nurses were in the room, with 2 doctors. Before the curtains closed, I saw her mouth drop on an angle, her chin stick out, her eyes wide, staring. Her arms flung out rigid and her legs. The last thing I saw was blood trickling down her chin, from when she bit her tongue.

Can I begin to tell you what this felt like? Watching my baby convulse, screaming, frightened, being held down. Then to watch after it has ceased, her body glistening in sweat, her skin glowing red, an oxygen mask on her face as she wasn’t breathing well.

The most frightening thing, I, as her mum has ever seen.
They say it only lasted 40 seconds, to me it was 40 years.

She closed her eyes 35 minutes ago. I have 3 chairs lined up and a towel for a pillow, as we wait for the neurology doctor to come and tell me what I know. She is staying in overnight as we are almost at daylight now. We arrived at 3pm.

My baby sleeps, she rests from the anxiety, the experiences that she has suffered today. I suffer with her and I only can hope that once she starts medication she will have no more.

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17 thoughts on “Turn off the lights just for a while

  1. This is so scary! My friend has a son the same age as mine. All the sudden he just started having seizures one day. It was so scary. But the good news is after adjusting the medicine a few times he hasn’t had one since last summer. I hope the same for y’all! I cant even imagine how scary that would be.

  2. Such a scary thing, but she is safe now Mumsy. Talk to the doctors about her depression and anxiety as they may be the cause, you mentioned she was feeling out of sorts, perhaps her anxiety was very strong and triggered this, as I am sure you are aware. Possibly her meds too though.

    I am squeezing you very hard in my mind right now and holding on for a long time.

  3. Oh, sorry to hear about all of the hospital aspects. I should have known something was going on. You and your family are in my prayers. So sorry I was gone for 6 days and am playing catch up, dear! xoxo

  4. My god, Jen, you must be out of your mind with worry and fear. I’ll keep you and K. in my prayers and thoughts all day today and hope this is sorted and controlled. Huge hugs and love.xxx

  5. when i was young i had seizures…it is terrifying….
    mine usually happened whn i was asleep but i would wake up surrounded by medical staff…
    or ambulance people…

    the sounds of our world when the light are out can be a meditation of themselves….

  6. What a frightening and excruciating experience for you and your daughter to go through. I’m praying that she will stabilise on the medication and begin to find ways to live her life without the fear of another seizure like that one. Having BPD on top of that must be so hard- there’s no meds to help that, are there? I hope you have some strong support around you and I’m glad you have been able to release some of the stress by blogging.

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