For all your kindness and lovely comments.
I would do a general thank you post, but as I am so tired..or over tired right now, I can’t comment individually to you all. So I hope you can forgive me.
As I look at the time, I have been awake now 36 hours.
I didn’t sleep the rest of the morning. Every time my eyes closed, tears fell, or I felt my heart start beating faster. Just watching K asleep, hoping, praying that she wouldn’t experience another seizure.
When my eyes stayed closed for longer than a minute, I had flashbacks of her face when I saw her convulsing. I can’t get this out of my head now.
In the wee hours a Neuro doctor came in and tested her reflexes, asked her questions.
At around 2pm another Registrar and students came in, same questions. At 3pm the Neurology doctor attended with the Registrar, asking the same questions.
Then the confirmed diagnosis of Epilepsy and ordered tablets. 400mg per day for the first week, then 800mg per day thereafter.
It is now 8pm as I write. We left the hospital after K started to get a little more than agitated from lying in a noisy room for so long. They were wanting to admit her for overnight at first, but then said she could leave. I drove her back to her place with J following behind.
For those of you with children, remember that first drive home with your new baby from the Hospital, when a speed bump was taken so carefully, when corners were taken slowly?
This is how I was with K in the passenger seat, so frightened that I may set off another seizure.
She is now asleep, her body and mind exhausted. I cannot.
I will have to take a tablet to knock me out. I went and had a shower and cried my heart out under the water, seeing her face over and over. I know I’m exhausted, I know tomorrow I won’t feel as I do now, that I won’t picture her tormented body.
I hope this medication stops them, though there is no guarantee. Could be trial and error.Once again, thank you, all of you for your support through this, I am so very grateful.
PS. Thank you to all who have read and commented on some previous posts. I have been neglecting my answers to you…believe me, I THANK YOU xx
Ramblings From A Mum 
Sending you light, love, healing energies! Take good care, dearest Jen. Hugs and love x
Thank you Shirley, nice to receive all of your kind wishes. ((Hugs)) xx
Oh Jen. I just caught up a little on your blog. I’m so very sorry life is handing you these so very traumatic and heart wrenching experiences. She is your baby and will always be. It’s painful to read of another mothers pain. My heart goes out to you and your daughter. I venture to ask….are they doing full brain scans for your daughter? Has she had seizures in the past? This must be such a troubling time for you and your family. I pray they can find some answers for you all. Stay strong Jen. ::::hugs::::
Hi Trace, that’s ok, I’ve been out of the loop for a while also. Thank you, yes she is and always will be my baby and we, as mums, though we have the courage and strength to give them birth, that disappears when we see them in pain. She did have a MRI after the first one. Then an EEG, then saw the neurologist. The hospital doctors said, having one seizure wouldn’t necessitate them to put her on epileptic medication, but having 3 in two months and two on the one day is enough to say she has epilepsy. Nothing in the past, no illness nothing, a healthy kid, reading up on it though it’s quite common. Even over 55 to start… We shall probably have to have a full MRI in a few weeks, after the medication to check out its not something else more hideous. Thank you Trace, it was the most scariest thing I have witnessed, thankfully she doesn’t remember any of them happening. ((Hugs))
Oh they are terribly frightening to witness Jen. My heart goes out to you and to her. Keep the faith. I’m sure with more tests and things they will get to the bottom of it all. Remember to look after YOU Jen too.
I think they are primarily stress induced as God knows she’s been under enough of it the last few years . I will ~ thank you Trace
Home and diagnosed Jen. I hope this means healing for K. I hope they do further testing. It seems so sudden to just test and send her home. But I am glad she is resting, and now I hope you can get some rest. Please be mindful of what you need as well.
I think after hearing from us on her two seizures she had previously, last December and that mornings one, then the staff witnessing the 3rd, was enough for them hun. She will probably be tested again. I had 6 hours sleep last night, then drove and saw her today and bought her some new boots and clothes and lunch. These two hours exhausted her though. She still can’t remember many things, which is frustrating her. We were at the hospital from 1pm Thursday till 2 pm Friday so they drew their conclusion from that, but I’m glad they started the medication before she even went home. Thank you Coll. 💚
Try and rest J, and I hope K can too.
Thank you so much R. She’s doing better today, though tied after I took her for lunch. She is back where she is living and having a rest now. ((Hug))
Phew!!!!
what an amazing picture that last one is…the light…
i hope that you get some rest…before you collapse…36 hours is a long time…
and i hope that you find relief soon maam…so hard…
It is a beautiful photo isn’t it, even the water colour. I had six hours sleep. A wine or two tonight as out for dinner with friends, I’m sure I’ll sleep better tonight. Thank you Bri…nods yes very hard.
Lots and lots of positive vibes and prayers are on the way from me to you. {{{ ❤ }}}
Thank you so very much darling …everything is good right now ❤️ Hugs
Happy Valentines Day to you, Jen. ❤ ❤ ❤
Just Hugssss, it was good that she had a witnessed episode in the hospital, it sped up the diagnosis Mumsy. Please take care of your self too!
Thank you, yes in a way I guess it was. I met with her today, took her for lunch and bought some clothes, she was tired after 2 hours and I on slight tender hooks, but we had a bit of quiet time, trying to put Thursday behind us. I am hun, still catching up on sleep though (((hugs))))
Jen, I’ve obviously been away and I need to go back and read some other posts I guess. I am so sorry you and K are going through all of this. My heart aches for you. I’m hugging you tightly across the seas. Love you, friend.
Thank you darling, I have also been away in a sense and I can feel your hugs that you give. Thank you, love you too 💚
Get some rest, sweetie. Maybe this diagnosis answers a lot of questions? Thinking of you. 💜
I wish it did hun, no it’s just added to her list unfortunately. I have rested a little. Thank you and hugs 💛
What beautiful pictures… hope she is doing alright now.
Thank you Edward, that is very sweet of you. She’s taking the medication, but she’s struggling with her BPD now.
God bless you all!
Thank you darling 💜 xx
you are both lovely inside and out. sleep whenever possible, jen.
Too kind, thank you Beth. I just have to convince her that she is, for her borderline is convincing her now that she is worthless. 😪 xx
Thinking of you both, Jen.xxx
Thank you Ann-Marie. xxx
Hugs and believe me those flashbacks will eventually fade. Hugs, jx
Thank you lovely, 4 days have past now and thankfully, though, I still can see her, the image isn’t as strong. xx
I think the world of you, Jen. Your services made me realize how giving you are of yourself to others. Then, once I read so much of your stories about K. I realize how hard all of this must be, we want the very best for our sweet children.
I hope that you will find some peace, try to absorb but not get weighted down, try to let it be like the water flowing in a stream, over your toes, your body and the light on the water bringing you joy and lifting you up to a warm and sunny feeling inside. Kind of making this a little bit ‘artsy’ but meant it to be refreshing and giving you renewal. xo
Thank you lovely. Right this moment it’s my penguins, this afternoon it was K. You can be artsy, I realise you’re trying to breathe some calming air into me. I’m trying to grasp it, I am just hard to breathe right now. hugs xxxx
Just a note to say hello, Jen ~