Chat time – it’s been a while

Hello my friends,

I’m popping in tonight, just to update you as it’s been so long since I was here.

It’s so involved that I am going to try and be as brief as possible.

Mum and Pop Penguin are entering their fifth week in the Aged Care Home.

We finally sold their home last week (& hoping the purchasers finance gets approved).

Her Alzheimer’s is progressing and I’m her trigger it seems.

I now am not visiting for some time to try and get her to settle.

I will visit Pop, but only see mum, if the staff tell me she’s in a good mood, or wishing to see me.

He is suffering too, getting weaker and having to listen to mum questioning why they are there. She has even asked for a divorce, they have been married 64 years. She has hit him, called him names.

This is not my mum. Her shell is there, but she’s not the same on the inside any longer, some lucid moments, she’s not withdrawn, but she’s angry, especially when I enter the room.

She was whisked off the morning we took them, not really understanding what was happening. She thought they were going on holidays, seeing bags packed.

Over the days, the questions were continuous.

You’re not selling our house, I love my home, why are you doing this. You’re conspiring against me, there’s nothing wrong with me.

I told my brother to take her back home to say goodbye, to deal with her grieving, in the hope she would be eased.

The Assistant Manager who is absolutely wonderful with them, went with them, I couldn’t. She cried for forty minutes, but thankfully, got back on the bus to return to the home.

She accepted on the day, by the next day, she was asking if it had been sold and that she wasn’t going to die (in her words) ‘this dump’.

When I phone to see how she is, they say she is doing fine on most occasions.

It breaks my heart not seeing her, but it’s necessary.

K and J were ‘evicted’ from their last dwelling earlier than anticipated, after a few incidences.

My ex husband took them in for a week, but he was getting very agitated, whilst I stressed trying to find them somewhere permanent for them to live, knowing that shared accomodation again would be fatal.

Using some of my savings from selling my house, I bought them a caravan with annexe and ensuite, which though is one and a half hours drive away, it is a 6 minute walk to the beach.

It is the only caravan park that takes residents, this was my only option, to let them have a roof over their heads. They have been there since last Sunday. They still both aren’t working.

Eldest daughter B and her husband moved into their new home two weeks ago, which is 5 mins walk from where mum and Pop are.

I’m still doing services (now 73 since commencing) and having major panic attacks about the wedding to conduct in 5 months time.

Mr. S and I are still good, he’s had to put up with many mood swings in me the last few months, most of them not good.

I have missed you all, but I still can’t read your posts or write any poetry, my mind is not in the space required.

I hope you are all keeping well and enjoying your writing.

J x


40 thoughts on “Chat time – it’s been a while

  1. Oh Jenny – I was so glad to see you show up, but so sorry to hear how things have been going. I think of you often, and hope and pray things improve. Know that you are doing your best, and that is all you can do. This “sandwich” time of life is so trying. Hang in there my friend. Many care! Hugs

  2. You’ve been through a lot, Jen. I understand a little bit as I am dealing with something similar, long distance, right now, but not as serious — as it is at the beginning stages. All I can do is send hugs and let you know I am here and in your corner. You are doing what I would do, if that’s any solace at all. I probably wouldn’t do it as well.xx

    • Thank you Beth. It’s the worst situation, I feel for you. I’m not doing it that well hun, I can only try to do what is needed or what I feel is right . Appreciate your kind words. xx

  3. It is so lovely to hear from you! Boy do you have a lot on your plate! I am sorry that Mum and Pop are struggling. It must be so hard to see your lovely mum being a total stranger to you and Pop and everyone one else in the family too. If it is any help people in your Mum’s situation are often better behaved with strangers than with family. I am not going to list things, I am just going to wish you good luck with everything in your life right now. We will all be here when you can return! Sending you hugs and love! ❤

    • Thank you Willow, yes a little, I may return once my life is completely happy, peaceful and no dramas, but I don’t think that will happen anytime soon! Yes mum doesn’t throw her ‘tanties’ with visitors, she has become angry with the staff, but she has her good days equally with her bad. Thank you for the good luck and your kind words. xx

  4. Jen, I think everyone should have lessons on Aged Transition for our parents as well as parenting when starting a family. Your and my trials and tribulations were definitely not issues that were expected in our futures. Well not to such extremes at least. We will prevail as all others before us, and I am sending you my extreme love, and spirit to guide you on your way. 👭

    • I think that’s an excellent idea my darling. Yes we will prevail, we have no choice really do we. Yes please send spirit to guide, think I need that now. Hugs sweetheart and thank you xx

  5. you’ve been on my mind a lot jen, and i’m happy you’re hanging in there, i know you have so much on your plate. it’s good they are being cared for full time, but i know that brings a whole set of new issues along for the ride. when my mom was so angry the social workers gave me good advice. when she asks about going home, changes, etc., don’t try to reason or explain, just say, ‘soon, when they tell me you’re ready,’ etc. this will fade away over time believe it or not and it will become her comfort zone that she sees as her home. they also told me take time away when needed or her mood and anger are turned towards me, just come back another time, no guilt, and she will be cared for in your absence. She will become less aware of who and when you’ve visited, and many times, even if there that very morning, will say no one has visited in a very long time. happy that mr. s. is understanding, you deserve to have mood swings at the very least and the caravan sounds like a good thing. don’t stress about the officiant events, it’s what you were born to you and you are always very good at it. hugs, beth

    • Hello Beth, I have been thinking about you too. I have tried to deflect when she asked, but she gets angrier because I’m not answering her questions. A no win situation. Though taking the good moments and hanging on to them, I visited yesterday and had the best visit so far. No anger, no questions, no demands. Sadly I know this will pass, but I grab what I can. When I have phoned to check how she is the answer is – she’s doing fine. When I enter the room it changes,thats why yesterday was so special. It’s such a rocky path. Reading up, listening to others. I’ve joined Memory People a page for Alzeihmers on FB, they are wonderful, supportive and very informative. I’ve watched all the Teepa Snows UTube clips, she is brilliant. Yes I am glad and lucky that I have him in my life and I can only keep my fingers crossed that the Caravan situation works out. At least they are by themselves and have their own space. You are so gorgeous for your words and kindness. Hugs back to you. xx

  6. Wishing you as much support as possible…. Please remember your love, caring, and giving will not be forgotten Jen….. I hope your mother settles soon so that you can visit more often….

    • John thank you so much for your kind words, perhaps and I say this tongue in cheek and humour. My tombstone should read – Here lies Jen, loving, caring and giving…so don’t forget me…smiles.

  7. It’s sounds tough for you right now, not easy when a parent resents being in care despite the absolute need and it’s hard to hold against it and not feel bad. I really hope that things settle soon and some resemblance of calm comes your way…so many tricky matters on your plate. Take care. Heather

    • Thank you Heather, no, life with mum is certainly not how I invisaged her latter life to be. Dealing with ALZ has so many roads, one you try and you manage to get there without tripping. Others, you are exhausted by the end as you have had to climb over the boulders. Thank you for your kind words. x

  8. Man it just never gets easier I swear sending you strength to go on with all of this. Lucid moments with your Mom will come soon for you I swear I am not long from the world in which you live in these day. Stay strong and healthy FOR YOU xo

  9. I was shocked not to see what I thought I wrote over a few weeks ago. I am sorry, Jen.
    I may have started a reply and then got interrupted or time cut short. I feel bad that each aspect (except lovely Mr. S.) have gotten worse, Jen.
    I would like to send a big hug and wish things would suddenly, miraculously fall into place.
    Have you had any services lately? 73 sure is a Lot!
    Weddings are so much work in preparation but joyful when completed.
    Hopen the 5 months off will help get it “right” and even if not here recently, I do believe in you, Momma and Poppa Penguin, J and K plus happy for your eldest to have nice home close by her grandparents. xo take it easy on yourself.

  10. I’m not sure how I missed this post. Since you wrote it several weeks ago, I can only hope and pray that you are well. Jen, I know this time will pass and you will emerge again, but I am so sorry about the toll it has taken on you. Be kind to yourself. Take an extra deep breath and think of all your friends who love you and keep you in their thoughts. We will always be here. Love you.

  11. Just catching up on your posts. What a lot you have had to contend with. We went through a little of that heartache when Grandad bad dementia but thankfully everything happened fast and he was released from the suffering. Mum had to deal with a less than supportive step-family (he had announced remarriage at age 80 and died at 85), so I’m glad it is further and further in the past now. There’s a man at church dealing with putting his wife in nursing home care last year and your post helped me understand some of his daily heartache. Also having to quickly put a roof over your kid’s head- you sound like the rock of the family. Take some time out for yourself when you can.

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