Let me begin by saying I have no idea why I wanted to write these chapters. I guess through all my posts in the last 3 years of being on WP, there has been a little humour now and then, but non existent over the last few months. So I thought I would be a little more light hearted and what isn’t hilarious about the human body? Then again it could gross you out, especially to my male readers, but you must forgive or perhaps realise what I write is common, happens to many (in other words it’s NOT just me!) just probably not written about often. I’m not going to hide or worry what you may think I actually look like. I am painting a real picture warts and all (don’t worry I don’t have them).
So let’s open ourselves up to bare, brutal honesty and maybe a giggle along the way. Feel free to be honest in any comments, as I am, it’s quite liberating!
Chapter 1 – Starting from the ground up.
Aww look at her feet ain’t that ‘perrty’. All healthy and glowing and manicured. Sigh. They aren’t mine.
Like many parts of the human anatomy especially when we age, they turn from ‘perrty’, to down right embarrassing, or ugly. Our once glowing parts tend to lose their shine. I will say at this point if you are grossed out by even talking about feet, as some people are, you have the option to back away.
Ok what’s with nail infections? I know they are caused by either damage to the nail bed or age, but best we don’t go there. I have tried pills that cost $$$, I have tried sprays and ointments. The latest is alternating coconut oil and tea tree spray.
I call it a nail infection because I REFUSE to say ffffff…ffffff…..F. U. N. G. A. L as that would imply that I have mushrooms growing and I can assure you I haven’t!
Now before you start visualising that said nail is all discoloured and crumbling, yellow and horrid like some of the advertisements show, it’s not that bad, I mean it’s getting better, almost perfect and healthy again, but it has literally taken years. I have it on the very tip of my nail now, holding on tighter than a tight rope walker. Not that it’s become my friend, but it doesn’t seem to want to part with me. Why oh why do toe nails take so long to grow!
At least I don’t have bunions, corns or callouses and I’m sorry if any of you do and for my age my heels are in quite reasonable knick (shape) I know some of my poor girlfriends who literally have to slice and dice to get their heels smooth.
I will paint my toes when the warm weather hits as they are on show, by next winter hopefully I can hopefully say goodbye to IT.
No…sorry I haven’t finished yet, what else about feet that I think many women have to deal with. I know most men have this, but females?? Hairy toes? Sorry if you spat into your coffee. I’m just putting it out there…remember what I said about giggling. It’s not the most attractive. Yes, sadly I have one or two, that thankfully aren’t long enough to plait or get the curling iron on them. I DO NOT look like a yeti, yet they are annoying enough for me to run for the tweezers. I can understand hair in other regions, but what purpose are they on toes?
So men folk who are still reading this, if your lady is in the bathroom longer in the warmer months you may know why, it’s not a matter of just whacking on a pair of flip flops for us girls and off we go, it’s a lot more complicated! Thankfully we have the chisels, I mean tools and equipment and pretty painty pots of colour to help us have the perfect tootsies.
There I got to the end.
Next chapter – Legs!! I know you’re excited.