Havin a chat – Top to Bottom…possibly just for the girls..or not – Chapter 1

Let me begin by saying I have no idea why I wanted to write these chapters. I guess through all my posts in the last 3 years of being on WP,  there has been a little humour now and then, but non existent over the last few months. So I thought I would be a little more light hearted and what isn’t hilarious about the human body? Then again it could gross you out, especially to my male readers, but you must forgive or perhaps realise what I write is common, happens to many (in other words it’s NOT just me!) just probably not written about often. I’m not going to hide or worry what you may think I actually look like. I am painting a real picture warts and all (don’t worry I don’t have them).

So let’s open ourselves up to bare, brutal honesty and maybe a giggle along the way. Feel free to be honest in any comments, as I am, it’s quite liberating!


Chapter 1 – Starting from the ground up.


Aww look at her feet ain’t that ‘perrty’. All healthy and glowing and manicured. Sigh. They aren’t mine.

Like many parts of the human anatomy especially when we age, they turn from ‘perrty’, to down right embarrassing, or ugly. Our once glowing parts tend to lose their shine. I will say at this point if you are grossed out by even talking about feet, as some people are, you have the option to back away.

Ok what’s with nail infections? I know they are caused by either damage to the nail bed or age, but best we don’t go there. I have tried pills that cost $$$, I have tried sprays and ointments. The latest is alternating coconut oil and tea tree spray.

I call it a nail infection because I REFUSE to say ffffff…ffffff…..F. U. N. G. A. L as that would imply that I have mushrooms growing and I can assure you I haven’t!

Now before you start visualising that said nail is all discoloured and crumbling, yellow and horrid like some of the advertisements show, it’s not that bad, I mean it’s getting better, almost perfect and healthy again, but it has literally taken years. I have it on the very tip of my nail now, holding on tighter than a tight rope walker. Not that it’s become my friend, but it doesn’t seem to want to part with me. Why oh why do toe nails take so long to grow!

At least I don’t have bunions, corns or callouses and I’m sorry if any of you do and for my age my heels are in quite reasonable knick (shape) I know some of my poor girlfriends who literally have to slice and dice to get their heels smooth.

I will paint my toes when the warm weather hits as they are on show, by next winter hopefully I can hopefully say goodbye to IT.

No…sorry I haven’t finished yet, what else about feet that I think many women have to deal with. I know most men have this, but females?? Hairy toes?  Sorry if you spat into your coffee. I’m just putting it out there…remember what I said about giggling.  It’s not the most attractive. Yes, sadly I have one or two, that thankfully aren’t long enough to plait or get the curling iron on them. I DO NOT look like a yeti,  yet they are annoying enough for me to run for the tweezers. I can understand hair in other regions, but what purpose are they on toes?

So men folk who are still reading this, if your lady is in the bathroom longer in the warmer months you may know why, it’s not a matter of just whacking on a pair of flip flops for us girls and off we go, it’s a lot more complicated! Thankfully we have the chisels, I mean tools and equipment and pretty painty pots of colour to help us have the perfect tootsies.

There I got to the end.

Next chapter – Legs!! I know you’re excited.

42 thoughts on “Havin a chat – Top to Bottom…possibly just for the girls..or not – Chapter 1

  1. LOL! I hear ya. I looked at those perfect toes you pictured, and I was like…. oh – remember those! I run around in my bare feet so much that I have callouses. And my feet are LARGE – UGH! Not an attractive thing for women. And the more I run around barefooted, the bigger they seem to get! HAHA! Fun post cutie!

  2. hah! this is fantastic. i love the honest and hilarious approach to our bodies, and the crazy things they do. now that fall and then winter are coming, there go my feet and legs! not many will see them so why worry? is my approach –

    • I’m the same, when the cooler months come, it’s leave the mohair legs on 😉 Good approach hun, I’m with you all the way. Glad you enjoyed it, I wrote it a while back and was nervous about hitting that publish button! 😊

  3. Hobbit feet? Ewwww. Lol. Tea tree oil is very good at uhm… fung… uhm. What you said uhm didnt say. Well my grandmother likes it a lot. It smells strong though.

    Hmmm wonders if this comment has been helpful. 🙂

    • I laughed out loud at Hobbit feet, possibly not as bad, ok really not as bad. I saw you, I heard you…fung… Ahhhhh! It does smell strong, but anything worth a shot at this point. Yes you’re comments are always helpful… 😉 x

  4. My brothers have had athlete’s feet and fungus since high school, Jen. Imagine my surprise when I started working at the warehouse, hot temps, steel toed shoes and older feet which did no prepare me for the Day I peeled off my socks to see Green edged toes. Yuck and what is up with this?
    I ♡ you, Jen!! This makes me feel a bit better and I now make sure I use proper ointments and yes, chisel and sand my warped baby toe nails 🙂

    • Laughing, it is liberating though isn’t it, to say it out loud and be proud…though yucky toenails are not something to be that proud of! It’s the little things…hope yours improve its a long road. Love you too. ❤️

      • The toes have been on the mend after that awful experience, Jen. I tell new employees to take their shoes and socks off to let their feet “breathe!” 🙂
        Oh, my oldest daughter asked me yo go to the indoor pool at what we call the YMCA. I had to say O would bring a book and keep an eye on the boys but No to any actual swimming. If I met the right man I would start “cropping!!” xo

  5. Oh my, lol, Jenn! I have had things fall on my big toe and I know what happens after that. Why do toenails grow so slowly? I have small feet and ankles but that means small nails that make polishing a challenge. If only we could redesign certain body parts. That day is at hand but I doubt I will see it. Fun post!! 😀 ❤

    • Beth I know, it’s not pretty is it. Small feet and ankles are delicate, small nails agreed painful to polish, though I do use the rubber nail seperators now, which make it easier. Yes the day will come with bodies designed, scary prospect. Glad you enjoyed it and thank you reading lovely. ❤️ x

  6. My grandmother’s feet were blue (really blue), the toes severely deformed from years of wearing high heels (she was already tall but it was required at her work places that women have such shoes), nail fungus, and worst of all one of her toes actually fell off because of poor circulation (the doctor contemplated cutting off the others). My mom and I live in terror of those feet. My mom buys expensive orthopedic shoes. I also avoid constrictive footwear, go barefoot at home. We take care of our feet and I assure you no pair of shoes exists cute enough to risk having so many debilitating issues. I am 34 so my feet haven’t changed much (I do get calluses, blisters because of training sometimes). I am keeping an eye one them! I envy your legs! I inherited big legs from my mom/grandma and as she calls them tree trunk calves. My mom was actually asked by a body builder (male) how she got such muscular large calves. I will never have slim legs and if I did the rest of my body would be freakishly thin. I don’t mind too much having my weight in my legs but I hate that my ankles are so indelicate, I mean the bones actually seem big/wide because it isn’t like fat there. Also my knees aren’t cute. Maybe knees never are lol

    • Hello Lovely. Oh that is terrible about your Grandmother, I’m so sorry 😞 My legs WERE like that, now.. Age has a wonderful way of making you think back to your youth! My calves used to be muscular, from when I taught aerobics many years ago, that muscle has diminished somewhat. I giggled at your knees, no I don’t know many women with cute knees either. Glad your looking after your tootsies though. Thank you for popping in and putting your legs out there ☺️

      • I have seen some changes myself not so much in my body at this point (at least not appearance wise, pain wise yes but I am as flexible and strong) but around the eyes and of course the occasional snow white hair. I am a bit afraid of aging to be honest and so I need this to see gorgeous confident women aging with grace.

  7. hahahahahahahaha!!!!. BTW, if we both were in a room, and there were 6 mosquitos? 7 would find me, and you’d be left alone. ~

  8. Ok, I read the last one first, then thought better of working backwards. In at the deep end here. Or, at least, paddling. Think I’ll strip, start examining my bits as I work through these here body posts and see what arises….or falls. Ain’t age a bitch?!
    Verdict one:- need a pedicure, but can’t bear to have my feet touched unless it’s roughly. Not in a pervy way! I’m just extremely ticklish all over and my feet might be the worst. Not that too many people go near them but you know how sometimes you tickle the kids, then they gang up on you and tickle you back? That. Feckin’ hate it! Tears form and screams if anyone attempts to tickle my tootsies. And that’s my excuse for being in need of a pedicure. Just popping off to get the equipment out and self-inflict some punishment.
    Nah, can’t be arsed. Toes are in tights, tights are in shoes, soon to be boots, no one need ever know. 😉

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