Author Archives: ramblingsfromamum

It’s been a while

by

Hello my WP friends. How long has it been…too long, as even the WP page set up is completely different to me.

I have been concentrating on writing my Book that I hope to have published (my penguins story) but the Gates of the Big Boys, are only open to a selected few. Apart from that what has been happening in my world?

It’s been 4 years since losing Mum and Pop (my Penguins). The time has both flown and dragged all at the same time. The holes in my heart forever will remain. Knowing they are both together brings me comfort, the hardest days being the Anniversaries of their passing, their birthdays, Christmas and Mother’s and Father’s Day. But these are just days, aren’t they? A number on the calendar, that don’t show the outside world, how I’m feeling inside.

I am continuing with officiating Funerals and Weddings, though the Funerals far outweigh in number and losing Mum and Pop, has given me a greater understanding of what loss is and the grieving process.

Life hasn’t changed much with daughter K, though she is now selling more of her artwork and has received a few commissions, which keeps her occupied. Daughter B, had her 2nd child a girl (who just turned two).

I’m having a left hip replacement on the 9th of July….yes I’m old (well I didn’t think old enough to have one) but there it is. Not looking forward to the process, especially having to sleep on my back for 6-8 weeks, as I’m a side sleeper, but I must roll with the punches as they say!

Am I boring you yet?

So that is what is happening with me. Thank you to a couple of friends from here who have emailed me recently to ask how I am. It is so thoughtful to hear from you.

Perhaps I’ll get back into poetry or writing, perhaps not. I just thought ‘I’d dip my toe in’.

I hope everyone is well and life is being kind to you.

Jenny xx

Stutter

Featured by

0FA83212-DB96-4E37-9810-6ADF0E93C237

How many times I have tried
Words that once flowed easily
I feel as if I stutter
But I struggle

It’s not the same as it was
Nothing in life has been
I have a different view
Words don’t escape

So for now let me stutter
I shall see if they unlock
It’s finding the key
The right one

Some hearts healed

by

My parents
Both have gone
How grateful I am
For what they gave
Their nurturing, their love

When her beloved passed away
Her life was not the same
Not having him beside her
To talk to, or hold her hand

And we were not to know it
But her time with us was short
It only took forty days
To die from a broken heart

Hard for us to comprehend
So tortuous to see
Her body each day grew weaker
Till she slipped away from family

Our hearts are broken in pieces
As they did, not that long ago
But we know that she is happy now
Back in the arms of her lovey Joe

image

 

Mumma ~ 30.3.1929 – 29.5.2017

Poppa ~ 03.7.1927 – 19.4.2017

It is with great sadness that I let you know, that my darling mum Irene, passed away on the 29th of May. Fighting for almost 19 days, no food, no fluid. Some complications, but under advice, my brother and I made the hardest decision to let nature takes its course.
The thread that holds me together is knowing that both ‘my penguins’ are now in each other’s arms once again, after forty days of being apart.

I stayed in her hospital room, as I did for Pop, for the two and a half weeks, loving her, talking to her, hugging her, kissing her. The last 5 days unresponsive, but I spoke to her continually. My heart tearing in to pieces, with every shallow breath she took.

Now I take the road of grief and it hurts and cuts like a knife, both my parents now gone so soon, too soon.

RIP Muma and Poppa

till I see you again

xx

And so….

by

My darling Pop

It is with my heart broken, my soul numb, that I let all of those who have been my friends on WP to say these words…

My darling Pop (my penguin) left our earthly coil on the 19th of April, 2017 at 12:25pm, after a 15 hour fight to remain.

I stayed with him by his side, in his hospital room, for 6 days. Time to be, time to share.

His transition started 10pm on the 18th, his life ending after my brother, I and mum were in the room and my brother and I stood her up to give him a hug. The moment she put her head on his chest, he slightly opened his eyes, closed his mouth from the shallow breathing and relaxed. A few minutes later he joined the Angels and his youngest son.

No words describe the pain
For he was my rock
A connection without words
RIP you beautiful and much loved man
Until our paths cross once again

😪💔😪

The Circle Of Life

by

Has a sword placed
Without strains of Hakuna Matata
Yet
He is a lion for his strength
His courage
Step slowly around the circle
Time passes too quickly

I remember him
Holding my tiny hand
To cross the busy street
Holding that hand
Through good and bad
Through tears of sadness
Tears of joy

Approaching the sword
My life insignificant
Trying to hold his life
Within my hand now grown
Knowing
There is nothing I can do
Knowing

Yet
The words of the song are
Distant
Haunting
Between the struggle for air and
The tears that slice against my throat

He is my King
Then
Now
Always

Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba
No
My father
YOU are the lion

 

It happens

by

Arm around waist
Awkward steps but
How we laughed
As I hung onto your blue eyes
Taken for granted
If I could dance with my father once more
The song echoes in my head
I remember like a past life

Outside I suck in the chill of air
That bites my tongue
The ticking of the traffic lights beat slow
Until it’s time to cross

A teenager, young woman yet to leave the nest
Helping clean the aftermath of your famous
Dinner parties
Cooking for thirty
You didn’t blink an eye
Your love of food and entertaining
Knew no bounds
Remembering the most complicated dishes – cakes
Without the need to follow words

Grasp the days, no matter how tough they seem
How busy your own lives become
For we don’t know
When the words of a song suddenly are real
Or the ticking at the lights
Race too quickly for our ears

Sitting at the Hospital.
Pop hopefully returns to Aged Care tomorrow after being in hospital for 2 weeks. Draining 2655mls from his right lung. I have spent every day for 11 hours with him, helping the nursing staff attend to his needs. Doing very personal tasks for him, out of pure love.
Mum’s operation went well, though after an anti clotting injection performed daily to prevent blood cots, saw her return to hospital yesterday, as bleeding started, by hitting a blood vessel. She was returned again last night.
She is more withdrawn and memory declined further after having the general anaesthetic. We don’t know if this is a permanent state now.

Rubber Band

by

Stretched
Each arm different directions
Each leg the splits
Wonder when I’ll just go ‘boing’?

Update – possibly explaining my absence.

Took Pop to a respiratory specialist as his breathing was laboured and some wheezing, didn’t know if related to his MSA. Also to check his swallowing, as
the facility had put him on semi thickened liquids, with information given by their speech therapist. Pop hated this.

Into Hospital Monday, swallow test with XRay, no he doesn’t have to be on thickened liquids. Pop now happier.

Tuesday morning, phone call. Mum was found on the floor in their room.
Broken left hip and some fractured ribs. Seriously?!

Tuesday afternoon, Pop had CT to diagnose breathing issues’ fluid on his right lung. Later that afternoon a pleural tap to drain liquid. As he cant sit, they had to perform it lying down on his side (not ideal).
They drained 700ml of liquid, with some residue left, this was the major pocket filled, has a few others, but not as great. Awaiting results.
BUT to add to it all, from doing the tap, he now has a pneumothorax (air pocket) in his lung, which can happen…and did. Today is Thursday, not looking at being able to leave till at least the weekend. X-rays daily to check lung now deflating and on oxygen.

Mum is in another Hospital and was operated on last night, visiting this morning, in good spirits, but ribs hurting her immensely. She will then have to have to go to Rehab for a few weeks, where I don’t know as yet.

Daughter B doing really well with baby Lewis ( who is absolutely gorgeous ) yes I’m a proud and doting Nana, I’m staying with them, whilst I visit Pop each day 9-8, then go and see mum, then B and Lewis and sometimes Mr. S and daughter K get a look in.

It’s been a long week, I’m about to go ‘boing’.

Love to you all, who are still following!