We were weightless butterflies
Held in our mothers arms
We then shed tears at cut knees
And as we grew
With what we felt
Not from scratch or bruises
But from our heart
As the years followed
We, born of wings
Feel the weight of weariness
Knowing how much we’ve changed
Relying on those who love us
To carry the burden of ourselves
If we could end our own suffering
Without guilt or laws set concrete
Not to cast eyes upon those who
Give us life itself
Could we
Would we
So here we are, so much going on in this little area isn’t there?
The shoulders. I don’t know about everyone else but I think my shoulders are one of my better assets and if you have been reading Chapters 1-4 there isn’t much that I have raved about on this aging body of mine.
My shoulders don’t have lines that’s a bonus!
I do love to wear boat neck tops, ie those tops that go straight across the top of your boobs, so that you see your shoulders. They give women a certain Je Ne Se Qua. From there the majority of it ..well goes downhill a little.
Ok the turkey..I mean my neck, being created, I didn’t think I was going to end up as poultry.
Again the corrigated iron, just a different angle. I mean it’s mainly in the middle section, I guess it’s because I use my vocal chords a lot? I’ll stick with that. It’s fine if I walk around and never put my chin down, but sometimes in life you just have to look up.
Then we proceed upwards but veer off a little to the sides, ears. Another part of my anatomy that I wanted to hide from the world when I was a teenager, right up to my ffff..fffforties, then I just said stuff it. You see one ear, my right to be exact is slightly more protruding than my left, the bane of my younger years. That’s probably when my youngest K was born and she looked like a miniature dumbo that I had her ears surgically pinned back, she wasn’t going to suffer what I did, no sir-ee.
BUT as I said, when I hit my forties, I cast all fear aside and started to wear hairstyles where my ears showed (I know how brave of me) or how stupid I was. Ears don’t wrinkle ..jot that down.
OK back around to the mouth, what can you say about a mouth as you age, other than your lips becoming drier? Again moisturiser – sorry lip balm. The other issue of around the mouth are lines, yes I have them. We all have them and the good news is they won’t change, they will get worse. That’s what happens when you smile too much, or talk too much, so think carefully from now on in.
Up we go to the nose, my nose is a nose, not crooked, bent, too big, too small, it’s a nose and I don’t think it has changed in the 60 years, so hopefully yours won’t either.
Bare with me we are getting there, the cheeks, mine have pretty much stayed the same. I mean they haven’t moved….much, they don’t have lines, so not much report on cheeks.
Eyes oh the eyes, yes let’s hear it for the lines at the corners, the lines underneath, the fallen parts on the top. Eyeshadow now has to placed just so, in fact I learnt a tip whilst getting my professional makeup for my daughters B’s wedding.
As we age women (unless any of my male readers wear it of course) your eyeshadow should be from the outerlid to the centre, not all across anymore. It’s surprising how this opens your eyes up and hell knows as the skin starts to droop we need as much opening as we can get!
Eyelashes, the only thing I can say is that they loose their natural ability to curl when applying mascara. They say use an eyelash curler, that’s fine if you can see well enough to put the bloody contraption on.
Eyebrows, I’m not happy with mine, or what there is. Back in my teenage stupid years, it was the ‘in thing’ to pluck them, thing is us little group didn’t stop plucking, so that now instead of the ends being level against the line of my nose, they are quite a few millimetres in..ie missing, little did I know they weren’t going to grow back! So unlike my ear bravery, I will not ..not have a fringe (bangs) as I need to cover them as much as possible.
Forehead..it’s a forehead, I have a reasonably permanent small frown line in the middle, that’s an age thing but for different reasons.
Hair, many styles, many colours over the years, of course the sparkly bits come through, but nothing a hairdressers appointment won’t fix.
Overall the jowls are saggier, I’m one of many who look in the mirror and hold the skin back to see how I used to look, same with the eyes.
You have seen the photo before, see how my fringe is trying to cover my eyebrows, the hair whisping over the ear. My head up at the right angle as to not show the iron?
In closing what can I say, us women who age have it lucky, we have moisturisers, face creams, loofahs, stockings to hold our flabby bits in, scarves to wrap around our necks. We have nail polishes to cover up unslightly nails. We have mascaras, eyeshadows eyeliners, eyebrow pencils. You want it? In 2015 we have it.
I have contemplated face lifts but noooo.
I couldn’t bring myself to have Botox, as I’m scared of needles.
Many saying come to mind – It is what it is, beauty is only skin deep, there are many.
No one likes the aging process, all we can do is to embrace it the best way we know how. The years we have been here, the experiences we have lived through, tells through our skin.
I know more wrinkles will come, I’ll be covering up more parts of my body when they do. We can hide ourselves away, we can laugh about the process, for the time being I’ve chosen to do the latter.
Thank you for reading.
xx
Lets just get straight into it, no faffing around.
Finger nails, thankfully no ffffff, infections on mine. My toe could learn a thing or too.
My nails are in quite good nick still (there is a God!) they grow quite quickly, possibly too quickly, though they aren’t as white as they once were.
I don’t have manicures (or pedicures) I don’t know why, probably no pedicures, as I’m embarrassed to show my feet/toe.
Manicures? I have no excuses. I had one as I was going out somewhere very special one evening and I had a voucher given to me so I had a French manicure. I paint my own nails, I’m not a woman who goes to get gell, shellac or whatever else they do in those salons with the lady’s covered in a face mask.
The amount of little germs that must swarm around those places, sorry if anyone goes to them, anyway I digress (as I do). My fingers are reasonably long too. I know I should have been a concert pianist. I have one one small bump on one finger, ahh arthritis, yes that’s another thing you cop as you age. It can be extremely painful and I can feel when it starts to come on and can’t move my finger till it passes 😩 I should be taken aspirin everyday, but again..shoulda woulda theory.
I haven’t been a ‘must wear rubber glove’ kinda gal either, hot soapy water or using steel wool, painting, you name it bare hands, so perhaps that’s why I have non retractable skin on the back of them?
Arms needing more moisturiser, note to self. I’m hopeless in the moisturising department, but this summer I plan to be good
Elbows, what can I say they are the knees of the arms, the skin starting to fold over.
Upper arms…I’ll put an OMG here! As. I have as others may say “You’re arms are fine’ I don’t believe them!
I will only wear a singlet top of out walking, as no one will get too close. The front part of my arms I guess are still holding up, but when I have my arms at a certain angle…well I have mentioned corrigated iron before, so I’ll mention it again. Mainly when I bend my elbow a certain way, I can’t even bare to look at it.
I’VE GOT MY MUM ARMS!!!! ARGGHHHHH!!
Okay I feel slightly better now.
Next Chapter neck and face, I thank you for reading.
Are you ready? Of course you are ~ its Part 3!
Thank you to those who have read 1 & 2 and for your honesty and sense of humour.
Again I lay myself bare, or possibly not as I would all like you to get through your day without feeling queezy.
So as you may recall boys and girls we are talking bums and tums.
I did have for many years a tummy bulge, but not where one would think. My bulge was more on the top part of my tummy, around my ribs. I remember as a self conscious teenager always folding my arms in front of me. Around 20 years ago I decided I wanted a flat tummy, by hook or by crook and as I have written previously (In a really early post) I had a tummy tuck. I can go into all the details of how it went, if anyone is REALLY interested, but it may make you 😴😴 let’s just say it worked for many years, I wore tighter skirts and pants, without having to wear looser tops to cover and my skin didn’t squeeze up and over like a tube of toothpaste.
Sadly over the last few years, even though I was a gym junkie for 3 of those years going 6 times per week, I’ve been slack. We all get slack and as a result my tummy now is.
As with the legs, the skin is losing its tone, firmness and looking decidedly more floppy. 😩
Now as far as the bum is concerned, the dint that I had on my right cheek (that I mentioned in # 2) was ‘fixed’ during the tummy tuck, by flipping me over (sooo happy I wasn’t awake for this process) and filling it, again I could go into details of how but again😴😴 and because I still walk, I guess my derrière is reasonable for my age, in fact many say I don’t have one, but jeans cover a multitude of sins.
Speaking of jeans, half the battle to disguise your battle of the bulge is in the fit. Too low the toothpaste sits on the top, mid waist, you’re squashing the toothpaste in half, high rise well the toothpaste is now under your boobs. 😟
So thanks for reading and your next instalment will be hands and arms, leaving of course the best till last the neck and face!
So here I am again. I do hope for the whole 11 readers of Chapter 1 that I didn’t shock you too much.
Today students we move on from feet to legs. Let me show you an example (as I did with the feet in chapter 1). The below BELIEVE IT NOT we’re how my legs looked.
Now at the age of 60 ..not so much.
Naturally skin has thinned, think about tissue paper and you’ll get the idea. One slight knock, no matter how small or light will more than likely cause a bruise. I think of pops hands and how bruised they are… That can be my legs. Sooooo I am very careful walking around furniture, stepping out of the shower, or doing anything where I may knock myself.
Then of course we have the gravity issue, what normally was up sadly must go down. When I taught aerobics many moons ago, my thighs actually didn’t meet…you know where. I thought I was the ants pants, as that was THE look. Now after hibernating for winter, comfort eating, this little wombats thighs have reintroduced themselves. To be honest though they have been that way for a while now and they have decided to take the plunge southward.
Again I SIGH.
Next are the knee caps, same deal, skin that once was taut, now folds over, similar to my bottom lip when I look at them.
The final part of this ever enthralling chapter is hair. Oh yes the bane of all women. When I was younger out came the soap ( yes soap because back then I believed shaving cream was just for men) even though I was shaving…derr. Gradually I learnt women can also use shaving cream or gel and I was quietly thrilled.
After many years of shaving, I decided to try waxing. Buying wax strips, or pots of wax that was microwave heated, the pain and mess would begin. Wipe on..wipe off. Too complicated, too fiddly…NEXT?!
Out came the Eepilady. A small little electrical unit, that has quite a few inbuilt tweezers. Now at first go, it feels as it sounds, lots of little tweezers pulling out the hair by the roots. After the initial swearing it isn’t that bad. From bikini line (there’s LOTS of swearing and face pulling there) to the ankles, I zip away. The good thing about this form of hair removal is that the hair grows sparser and comes through finer, so after years of subjecting myself to the agony, I don’t wear the mohair stockings, nor do I have to contemplate the lawnmower.
Speaking of stockings, if only I could wear them every day, as they work wonders keeping all the wobbly bits in place. Thankfully, I only have a few small veins, but nothing too worrying, something has to go right…right?
Now I’m not quite sure if the bum should be in this chapter, or the next, I don’t have a lot to tell about my derriere. It’s probably the same as most, though many years back when I was painting our kitchen ceiling and standing on a stool, I missed my footing to get to the bench and fell fair square on my right cheek (bottom that is) . This resulted in a huge bruise and weirdly enough after time a dint, think moon crater.
Thankfully I was able to get this fixed down the track. That will be in my next chapter, I have to keep you in suspense and wanting more….somehow.
Keep on loofering ladies !
I’m dressed
water, fat, muscle, bone
makes up the me
say nothing of the heart
that beats ‘neath fine skin
a blade between ribs
would empty me
spill the empathy
that holds so heavy
I’m losing strength
to carry this
I see it now a burden
yet this is who I am
Not a day passes
when I don’t ‘feel’
I hear the calls
watch arms above the waterline
I know they’re drowning
friends say they can swim
strip the water, fat, muscle, bone
I can’t, I don’t believe them
I dive in regardless of the blade
Copyright JMTacken 11.2.2015
K still struggles, trying to find work, dealing with her BPD.
Tests from her seizure on the 21st December are still being undertaken. The Neurologist said Epilepsy, but not conclusive until a further MRI and sleep deprived half day EEG are performed.
Pop is still in the Rehab Hospital, they are saying if he can stand out of the chair without assistance, or walk with his walker, with confidence , he may be able to go back home on the 19th, I can’t see this happening.
I visited him this afternoon and took him in the wheelchair to sit under the trees, as he hasn’t been out doors for 3 weeks.
Mr.S and I had a weekend away last weekend, but my mind is always elsewhere and it is draining me.
Thank you you for the emails and messages, I’m just tired and haven’t been able to concentrate on writing or reading your posts. I hope to soon. I hope you are all well, I have missed you.
x
It robs her
of the woman that she was
and we can only try to
help this new world in which she lives
It clenches her
with a power unforeseen
dragging it with her, along its path
where nothing seems the same
It challenges her
to find a place where she’s content and
those who love her, can comprehend
It leaves her
with unanswered questions
those she’s asked, yet knows not if she has
It punishes her
for growing old, to deal with feeble body
now of mind
It confuses her
a need to fight or not
or is she simply unaware
It damages her
the mother that I knew, where her
imagination plays recycled tricks
As she stares into the distance
forgetting questions that she’s asked
Discontent at routine change
Scared of what once was familiar
Woman once strong
guiding, caring, nurturing, loving
She is still there …somewhere
not knowing that she hides
from the world she knew
Mum
copyright JMTacken 14.6.14
Sharing with
http://solothefirst.wordpress.com/2014/06/12/writing-prompt-alzheimers-disease/
ensconced in cerebellum
I long for corners, footsteps
creating distance, to catch a breath
hold back, decide if I should
reminisce or let them fold in silence
I cannot weep and spoil
the very foundations that hold
the walls, so I keep a quietude
allowing those buried deep
those that cite heartache
to lay as they are
arouse memories
that evoke exhilaration
where only tears of happiness
would be shed, corners block my vision
from what causes trepidation
let them lie undisturbed
if life was only this easy
to eradicate the memories
I wished not to retain
but in fairness, if not for pain
and heartache
would I be who I am
the lessons taught
to conquer, rise above
I live continually
with sharp corners and much
~ much more
This afternoon I took mum for the results on the MRI she had on Monday.
Not dementia as we all thought, but rather that she has had two rather large strokes and has had several smaller ones – this is what is affecting her memory.
No one – not her or the family knew about when these may have happened, but as the Specialist said they are at times silent, not affecting any speech, body movement or restrictions.
Tomorrow morning I get two new lots of medication for her in order to keep her at this level (if they work) otherwise she will eventually develop Alzheimer’s.
When I got her back home and explained to Pop what had happened she started crying, so darling Pop shuffled up to her, put his arms around her and said “Come on Kid, we’ll be fine”, kissing her on the forehead – my heart went out to her, she looked like a frightened little girl. My heart went out to Pop too, growing old sucks, you suffer, one way or the other, yes it’s part of life and we will all have to face the age process and possibly medical issues – but it just sucks.
Now we go back in two months to see how she is and what needs to be done, if anything..
This is an update only for those that are kindly following their journey, no need to post a comment.
x
Ramblings From A Mum 