Today – Mother’s Day.
Firstly I am thankful as I said in my last post that my mum is still with me. I have read many posts today about some who had a tough upbringing as a child, some who have lost their mums and those who have sadly lost a child. All of them equally as important as another. I thank you for your comments on my Mother’s Day poem and for the bravery you showed in what you wrote and your generous and kind comments to me.
We went to the venue – a Pub towards the city. Firstly mum and Pop (well mum) wondered why we had to travel so far. This is a lady who is confined to her home now and has a grizzle about not being able to get out. We are talking a 45 minute car trip (not have your passport ready).
She was in a mood, wishing to not be happy, to the point of not liking where we were, or what she ate. To watch your mum as an adult, pout, pull faces like a child is very disconcerting and disheartening. Daughter #1 (the eldest) who arranged the venue went to talk to her throughout the afternoon and got very little feedback or response. She was upset by this, she went and cried in the toilet, swearing she won’t try and organise something again. I don’t blame her. There were other reasons for this decision, but I won’t go into those.
Mum’s moods are getting worse, plain to see and it takes strength from all the family not to get angry with her.
Through the afternoon, eldest daughter said “Perhaps she is thinking about Paul”? Paul is my youngest brother who passed 10 years ago, tragically. Perhaps it was this, that made her mood aggressive, compiled with own everyday thoughts and confusion.
I did not ask her, it wasn’t the time not the place to do so.
She was thrilled by the flowers I brought to her in the morning and the card, but then the world changed when Mr.S and I picked them up. It’s difficult, it’s baffling and it’s sadly to say frustrating.
I am not perfect, I know this. I whinge and whine when perhaps I should hold back, especially on posts. So yes I get angry, I’m human and I feel terrible for doing so, but I can’t help it.
If I could return to the laughter and the reminiscing of events that happened within the family I would. If I could bring back the mum who didn’t care where she was or what her meal was like I would. Sadly I can’t this, this is who she is now. I spoke to a friend who visited them with their mum(after we dropped them back home) a friend of my penguins for many years, who afterwards sent me a text saying ..mum doesn’t even remember what she had for lunch.
She will always be my mother but
no longer the one I had
No longer the mother that I knew
back when I was young
Her life has changed
I compensate, to try and live
in her world now, where there’s
love but sadly also hate
of her life…her situation
I hope all of you Mum’s had a wonderful day. Onward and upward as they say, tomorrow’s a brand new day.
x
Ramblings From A Mum 