Under Water

I’m dressed
water, fat, muscle, bone
makes up the me
say nothing of the heart
that beats ‘neath fine skin
a blade between ribs
would empty me
spill the empathy
that holds so heavy
I’m losing strength
to carry this
I see it now a burden
yet this is who I am

Not a day passes
when I don’t ‘feel’
I hear the calls
watch arms above the waterline
I know they’re drowning
friends say they can swim
strip the water, fat, muscle, bone
I can’t, I don’t believe them
I dive in regardless of the blade

Copyright JMTacken 11.2.2015

 

K still struggles, trying to find work, dealing with her BPD.

Tests from her seizure on the 21st December are still  being undertaken. The Neurologist said Epilepsy, but not conclusive until a further MRI and sleep deprived half day EEG are performed.

Pop is still in the Rehab Hospital, they are saying if he can stand out of the chair without assistance, or walk with his walker, with confidence , he may be able to go back home on the 19th, I can’t see this happening.

I visited him this afternoon and took him in the wheelchair to sit under the trees, as he hasn’t been out doors for 3 weeks.

Mr.S and I had a weekend away last weekend, but my mind is always elsewhere and it is draining me.

Thank you you for the emails and messages, I’m just tired and haven’t been able to concentrate on writing or reading your posts. I hope to soon. I hope you are all well, I have missed you.

x

 

A different style of Chat

Seeds and a

a face lit up showing basil shoots

sprouting that she planted

in a used glass jar

artworks displayed

car drive with chatter

lunch

smiles on the face

she ate Thai green curry

that blended with

the colour of her hair

we talked

then new clothes and shoes

her boots falling apart

warm weather on its way

a visit to the penguins

dropped back home

both enjoyed

my girl and I

 

K  had to cancel her outing with her sister, as she had locked the keys in her car and B/F J had gone to do a gardening job, taking the spare with him.

They have made another catch up date for next weekend. I am so happy.

I picked K up and we went for lunch, bought her some clothes and  summer shoes.

We then visited the penguins and I took her back home.

We had a good day, we laughed, we talked, we discussed B (her sister) and Borderline and what she experiences.

She was nervous about moving,  but today they went and saw J,  the wonderful lady who has offered them a room and she now feels a bit more comfortable about having to relocate again.

Mr. S and I  did 11 hours of non stop painting today. I have only just lain on the couch and every muscle and joint is starting to seize ugh! Tomorrow I have an hour massage a birthday gift from a girlfriend, then I am meeting her for lunch. I am SO looking forward to it!

Wednesday I have a Service to conduct in the afternoon, then visiting penguins again.

Thursday, Mr. S and I are flying to Nelson Bay in NSW to stay in a tree studio with spa, for 6 nights. I shall be taking my IPad, but if I don’t catch up on reading you all, or being around..well that’s the reason why.

🙂

x

 

Chat time

It’s Saturday night, well over here it is. It’s 9:24pm to be precise. We are now in Spring, but we have the heater on as it’s well ‘bloody cold’!

Today 7 hours of prepping and painting the house, haven’t really scratched the surface. Have I mentioned I hate painting?

My week, no Services this week, one next Wednesday though, which I shall write up by Monday hopefully.

K was going through a bad time, as they have to leave the shared  house that they were in for 6 weeks. Borderlines do not do well in shared accommodation, for obvious reasons. Their body language, their mood swings do not sit well with others who don’t know they are Borderlines (and it’s something she isn’t going to advertise).

I have had a very stressful week, not knowing where they would go, but luckily one of the ladies that K does cleaning for has offered a room at her place. They already have a border in one room and K and J will be extra. It amazes me how some people are so genuinely generous. I had met the owner when I first started cleaning, she hadn’t even met K let alone J, but she said she wanted to do what she could to help. So I love her for this, as my ‘baby’ won’t be on the streets.

After the painting today, Mr. S and I went out for dinner, the shortest dinner in history.

We went to a dumpling restaurant. Bringing our bottle of wine, when we asked for glasses, the waitress asked if we would pay $2.00 per glass, their way of saying corkage charge.

The meal apart from the dumplings, was sadly mediocre, Mr. S’s main that he ordered resembling a child’s vomit..I kid you not, vegetables, prawns, seaweed, fungi and uncooked egg thrown over the top..it wasn’t finished. We drove there, ate and back home within the hour.

I have been doing my assessments for the Marriage Celebrancy and on to the last one, where now after writing up a Ceremony, according to instructions given, I have to video myself conducting it. Oh joy, oh bliss!

Tonight, perhaps due to a couple of lovely glasses of wine, I’m feeling a little more like my old self, a sense of humour emerges, been such a long time.

Tomorrow, daughter B (eldest) is taking K to the pictures. This is such a huge thing. They have not spoken for over 18 months. I have been going to therapy with B and she has been learning about Borderlines and what I experience and her sister.

It’s baby steps, but I hope this will be the beginning of them at least being able to talk or be in the same room with each other.

I am then taking K to lunch. Should be interesting,  turquoise hair and all.

So for tonight, the old Jen is back, life seems a little easier, especially that K will have a roof over her head. I won’t jinx it by saying any more.

 

x