I have been trawling through a few blog sites of people that I follow of late and also was away for the weekend (hence not writing a post for a few days). I know hand up – you have missed me **laughing** ..nothing like patting ones self on the back.
I shall write about my weekend away (for those that don’t have a TV show to watch and are bored beyond belief) later on, but I though I would write about the topic as above (psst look up to see the Title).
I have come to the conclusion that there is such a stigma attached to on line dating services.
What ? I’m not good enough to meet someone other than on line?
I have friends who will one day introduce me to the man/woman of my dreams.
I wouldn’t trust anyone that I would meet on a computer.
Questions and self doubt and I wonder why?
What are we afraid of?
Do we have the belief that it is not possible to meet the person of your dreams on a dating site?
If so, why do we think that way? Is it because you feel that if you go on a site that you may be talking to possibly a serial killer? A weirdo, a freak, a no hoper, a desperate?
In this day and age it can be difficult to meet that special someone due to the below.
- If your social network isn’t that great.
- If you aren’t the Pub type.
- If you aren’t affiliated with a hobby club.
- If you don’t do sports or go to the Gym (because hell we all know you ALWAYS meet the person of your dreams there).
- If you are over your single friends trying to hook you up on blind dates.
- If you feel the right person will come along eventually (you shall meet in the supermarket – that’s what my mum would tell me) so you don’t need any assistance.
There are so many reasons to convince yourself that on line dating or match making services don’t or can’t work.
Can I tell you … you are wrong (forgive me) but you are.
I have had my fair share of relationships (well I am old-ish). I was married (for 19 years). I was even engaged to a man who was 16 years my junior) please don’t hold that against me…I’m not a cougar 🙂
For OTHER reasons other than the age difference it was not to be.
After that ended I decided to try the on-line system. I don’t have a large network of single females that I could venture out with to the Pubs/Clubs to find the man of my dreams. I was after all in my 50’s and the thought of putting my face on and journeying out to a Pub filled me with horror. So what was I to do??
One brave night ( after a wine or two) I went on line (obviously an Australian site) and entered my details.
With this particular forum you paid when you wanted to communicate with someone. The fee being minimal I may add.
I wrote a profile of myself (which I wrote and re-wrote a hundred times) it’s difficult because you have to basically tell the world who you are, pat yourself on the back..sounds familiar and give the impression you’re a total catch all at the same time) and posted a photo up.
I sat back and waited to see if I got any response. Yes I was eager and every night and checked my emails.
Hmm 1st week a couple of bites but my gut told me …no.
Another couple of weeks went past I ended up chatting to a guy who initially I felt sounded ok. When we arranged to meet however, my gut told me no..he isn’t the one.
A little time went on and I sifted through those that made contact with me, reading their profiles, reading in between the lines, trying to suss out if they were for real ( because there are some out there that tend to stretch the truth) and if we could be match made in heaven. I’m not saying it’s an easy process, but you have to broaden your horizons and also have your wits about you.
Then I came across a profile, wonderful sense of humour, similar likes/interests. I looked at the photo and my fist reaction was “Oh god he’s bald”. Then I took a long hard look at MYSELF and thought so?…what is wrong with almost bald (just because I had never had that before doesn’t mean we aren’t compatible).
We started to chat on line, this was followed up by phone calls which in the beginning were brief, then they got to 2,3 and 4 hourly (even with the “No you hang up 1st”). Yes I reverted to being a teenager again.
Then we decided it was time to meet… was I scared – hell yes..was I doing the right thing? What harm can meeting in a public place do? I bit the bullet and decided to do it.
That night I put on my face, dressed nicely and daughter # 2 dropped my off at the destination with leaving strict instructions as to “If I need to come home I shall call for you to come and get me”.
We met in the foyer of a Hotel (it sounds sleazy but it truly wasn’t). We both only had our internet photos to go by.
I walked in and saw this gentleman (yes almost bald..so at least his photograph was real) and tapped him on the shoulder.
I won’t say it wasn’t awkward because it was. The conversation was stilted in the beginning, after a few drinks we both relaxed, but still I had my doubts (not because he wasn’t what I had envisaged from the site) but I guess because I was being cautious. I had not long finished the ‘engaged relationship’ and my heart in all honesty was not probably in the right place to begin another.
After that evening where yes I ended up teary (blame the alcohol consumption) because I kept thinking of my previous partner I said that we could only be friends, that I wasn’t in the right head space yet (even though initially I thought I was) to have a relationship.
This man’s response was that he totally understood and that he was more than happy to be friends and if I was willing that we would go out together …for company…pictures, dinner etc and if we met someone else so be it.
So we did that, we went out now and then and then we started going out more regularly.
We became FRIENDS, until one day it dawned on me and him that we were more than friends. We had many things in common, we had both been married, both had our fair share of relationships that worked for a while or didn’t, we were at the age where we could simply be US, individuals. There was no pretence, no putting on a show of different personalities in order to please the other. No hidden agendas.
You may have read my poem to Mr. S. This is the man I have just talked about.
4 1/2 years together now not an argument, not a cross word. We are happy, we live our lives together like any other others in a relationship who have gone the traditional route and met face to face.
So what am I saying here? Simply this.
- ONE can find happiness on line.
- ONE can find true love and their soul mate on line.
- ONE has to push past the barriers & misconceptions about finding someone on line.
- GUT feeling about someone on line usually is the right feeling.
- LIFE is sometimes about taking risks.
- DO chat on line first for however long you are comfortable with.
- DO talk on the phone to truly get to know the person.
- DO meet n a public place on your 1st meeting.
- DO have a back up plan in case you need to escape or don’t feel safe.
- KEEP an open mind.
I met and fell in love with Mr. S and I am so glad I was brave enough to try this medium.
So if the thought of meeting someone (that could be the person whom you are MEANT to be with) happens to be from an internet site and the thought of that makes you wary…think about it ..what harm can it do…what are you afraid of? It will be your choice to chat, to talk on the phone, to meet when you feel comfortable in doing so.
I did and I am so glad that I took the plunge for if I hadn’t I would probably be sitting in my little study blogging, writing and wondering who is out there for me?
As they say nothing ventured…nothing gained.