Thank You

For all your kindness and lovely comments.
I would do a general thank you post, but as I am so tired..or over tired right now, I can’t comment individually to you all. So I hope you can forgive me.

As I look at the time, I have been awake now 36 hours.
I didn’t sleep the rest of the morning. Every time my eyes closed, tears fell, or I felt my heart start beating faster. Just watching K asleep, hoping, praying that she wouldn’t experience another seizure.

When my eyes stayed closed for longer than a minute, I had flashbacks of her face when I saw her convulsing. I can’t get this out of my head now.
In the wee hours a Neuro doctor came in and tested her reflexes, asked her questions.
At around 2pm another Registrar and students came in, same questions. At 3pm the Neurology doctor attended with the Registrar, asking the same questions.

Then the confirmed diagnosis of Epilepsy and ordered tablets. 400mg per day for the first week, then 800mg per day thereafter.

It is now 8pm as I write. We left the hospital after K started to get a little more than agitated from lying in a noisy room for so long. They were wanting to admit her for overnight at first, but then said she could leave. I drove her back to her place with J following behind.

For those of you with children, remember that first drive home with your new baby from the Hospital, when a speed bump was taken so carefully, when corners were taken slowly?

This is how I was with K in the passenger seat, so frightened that I may set off another seizure.

She is now asleep, her body and mind exhausted. I cannot.
I will have to take a tablet to knock me out. I went and had a shower and cried my heart out under the water, seeing her face over and over. I know I’m exhausted, I know tomorrow I won’t feel as I do now, that I won’t picture her tormented body.

I hope this medication stops them, though there is no guarantee. Could be trial and error.Once again, thank you, all of you for your support through this, I am so very grateful.

PS. Thank you to all who have read and commented on some previous posts. I have been neglecting my answers to you…believe me, I THANK YOU xx

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Turn off the lights just for a while

Bells
Beeps
Metal drops
Voices
Click click keyboard
Laughter
Three thirty AM
Change of shift
Voices
Lights
Trolley
Chairs scraping
Phone rings
People yelling
Some vomiting
Coughing
Sneezing
Voices loud
Lights
Medical terminology
Neurology
Pathology
Bloods
Ct scan
Voices
Lights
Intercom
Feet shuffling
Ambulance
Feet noise
Curtains paper blowing
Blankets covering
Voices
Lights

At 3:30am this is what I hear.
This afternoon at 11:30 I was driving to pick up K, to take her to the doctors. 11:45 I received a phone call from J, saying I don’t want to worry you but K is having another seizure. I hear a scream in the background.
I drove as quickly as I could, she was lying on the bed disorientated, sitting on the outside step, she started vomiting. I drove her to the doctors 20 minutes away, she vomited a further 6 times.

The doctor said as her breathing was rapid, to take her to the hospital. We enter emergency, get registered, then into a cubicle to wait to see the doctor. J and I sitting on the bed and chair talking to her, K getting fidgety. Then her words, something’s happening, get the nurse, her face was then expressionless, her eyes wide. Within seconds she was having her 2nd seizure for the day.

This time I witnessed it. The beginnings of it, before they closed the curtains and 6-7 nurses were in the room, with 2 doctors. Before the curtains closed, I saw her mouth drop on an angle, her chin stick out, her eyes wide, staring. Her arms flung out rigid and her legs. The last thing I saw was blood trickling down her chin, from when she bit her tongue.

Can I begin to tell you what this felt like? Watching my baby convulse, screaming, frightened, being held down. Then to watch after it has ceased, her body glistening in sweat, her skin glowing red, an oxygen mask on her face as she wasn’t breathing well.

The most frightening thing, I, as her mum has ever seen.
They say it only lasted 40 seconds, to me it was 40 years.

She closed her eyes 35 minutes ago. I have 3 chairs lined up and a towel for a pillow, as we wait for the neurology doctor to come and tell me what I know. She is staying in overnight as we are almost at daylight now. We arrived at 3pm.

My baby sleeps, she rests from the anxiety, the experiences that she has suffered today. I suffer with her and I only can hope that once she starts medication she will have no more.