Little Boy Lost (Series – Part 1)

colours were a blur back then, before the War began
the world was grey ~ bundled in arms, given to faces
you didn’t recognise, could you tell who was real
cries for those you knew, unheard in darkest rooms

years passed, at six, she took you back, to share her life
~ with him, who fought with drunken screams, until you
ran away, back to the arms, that held you soft
and there was a silent love

confusion, upheaval, as you were taken ‘home’
~ biological this time, to the father you never knew
knees plunged deep in Europe’s snow, tiny hands
chilled to the bone, sent to chop the wood, with pockets sewn

by the man whose roof you slept beneath, hands could not
be warmed ~ the icy bitter winds, the threadbare coat and
pants, no boots to stop the damp, doing as instructed
curled body, a child that attic slept, did you dream

your cries should have been louder, what were your thoughts
loneliness your friend; a 1930’s scholar, University
was for you ~ that is what your teacher said, but your father
forbade it, no money to be wasted on school

your half sibling, ate his meal whilst warming chilled bones
by the fire ~ the woman who did not give you birth
demanding your meals eaten, on the landing of the stairs
so you sat and watched in silence, without love

a child’s life
should not be like this
a childhood that was yours
I wish you had screamed louder Pop
I wish
you didn’t have to scream at all

©jmtacken 9th November 2013

I wish to do my Pop’s life in prose.  As this is my 660th post. It may be some time before the next one, as there is a lot of research to be done.

Bucket List

There comes a time in your life, mainly when you hit middle age (of course what number that may be is any one’s guess) for we don’t know when our time is up.

Goals in life that you wish to attain. We all have them, be large or small.

Mine were quite simple, and yet it took me sometime to actually get off my butt to start making them come to fruition.

To start off with I had various video recorder tapes. VHS for those who are too young to know what these are (the old big plastic cassettes) for the past few years I kept saying to myself I need to get them onto DVD’s, for over 28 years they sat in a plastic container in one of my cupboards, gradually the colour fading on them, lines and static appearing, all of this I know idea was happening. Last week I bundled up all these old memories, plus some more current and got them transposed onto discs. The technology wasn’t around years back to do, and now of course the Video Recorders have improved. It was one of those “Yes I’ll get around to it one day”. Now I have done it, so strike one off my list. I feel happy about this.

Secondly I have written a manuscript, I had sent it off to various publishers with favourable critique, but unfortunately it came to nought. Now I have taken the plunge to put as an EBook and I’m in the process of doing that.

I would like a wall of family photos, I haven’t started this venture. It’s the mere thought of getting all the ‘hard copy’ pics out and not having negatives of them (you say what’s a negative?) Taking them to the camera store to get them blown up, airbrushed etc etc. This causes me inner tension that I haven’t begun this.

To start blogging – as I enjoy writing so much, the chance to meet other bloggers or writers, to read their posts. Well clearly I can strike that off my list!

Mundane wants like new flooring, new bathroom, new splash back in the kitchen or a new bench top. New furniture, reconstruct the decking. These are dependent on finances more than anything though.

There are probably many more things I would like to achieve before I cant smell the roses, another overseas trip or two perhaps. To return to Europe and to show my partner all its the wonders.

I’ll keep dreaming, and planning in my head in the hope that I’ll get off said backside and make them come true.

**My Memoir The Empty Nest A Mother’s Hidden Grief is now available on Amazon and Lulu (J M Kadane)**