always knock twice (Prose)

January 28, 2014 by ramblingsfromamum

you knock once

knuckling the wood grain

I stand

chipped enamel scratches

unpainted floorboards

stub my cigarette

hard against the lacquered saucer

it’s mate broken years ago

step slow to the door

head tilted view

through curtains of chiffon

to make sure it was you

its been months

since you were here

perfumed gin hangs on my breath

I wont stand so close

you are here for just one reason

to take the kid to a circus

trying to make up for

times you never showed

you knock once more

patience

not your strong point

“Alright” I yell

“Keep your shirt on”, slurred

I wonder if you’ll notice

my mind flashes back to

better times

how you looked without

a shirt

“Nathan”, I scream

“Your father’s here

Jesus, are you ready?”

I hear you shuffle from

your room, hair not brushed

mud caked jeans from yesterday

t shirt with the coca-cola stain

I forgot to spray

before I washed

“Crap, look at the state of you

can’t you dress in something clean

your dad ‘ill think I’m unfit to

look after you”

“This is what’s clean”

you murmur, head bowed

I long for another sip of gin

“You ready mate”, he asks

as if our yesterdays did not exist

“Perhaps a shopping trip along the way?”

you smile

arms around his shoulders

walking out the door

I watch the car pull away

reach for the bottle

forgetting any future

forgetting every past

©jmtacken Jan 2014

Photo Credit: Flickr and jcoterhals

I couldn’t find a photo of a little boy with muddy jeans and T, but his little face was too adorable to pass up

and thank you to Brian Miller from WaystationOne for the poke here and there.

To be me

October 7, 2013 by ramblingsfromamum

Can I be her for a millisecond just tonight
silent facing wood that doesn’t speak
to humans only to the forest
not to look behind, life echoing responsibility
wheels that churn, wheels that show
no sign of rust and will not seize that easily
this is who you are ~ what you must be
what you must do ~ what then becomes of
m
e
is it reasonable to ask
the one in the middle, the bearer of the
pain I see in others, the brunt of tirades
from the child of my loins
“I don’t understand who she is”
understand
m
e
how life has changed
freedom wanted in little things
nothing more ~ nothing less, I promise
give me the milliseconds of silence that I crave
to intake air, so I can breath
give me the peace of the woods, against a tree
not turning to my left or to my right
or even looking back
just
m
e
sheltered under the canopy

©jmtacken Oct 7 2013

My 630th post

Winter in Melbourne

July 9, 2013 by ramblingsfromamum

Photo Credit: Dandenong-Range-Photography.com.au

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As ice clears on my winters morn
heavy dew melts ‘tween the blades
that crackles under shoes
I smell the smoke of open fires
creeping from houses nestled in my
neighbourhood, circling from chimneys
into the atmosphere, vanishing
as it dances with the grey
I wonder if I will feel the sun again
my body warmed against the chills
the smell of hot scones freshly baked
plated on kitchen benches toasty
warmed from those that sit
conversations with hot tea

no snow, but cold enough in Melbourne
in a winter, frost that paints the windows
of cars parked along the streets
house windows, trickle panes with water
as cold clashes with the heat
and I rub my hands together to stop
the chill entering my bones
rugged in boots, coat and scarf
I walk the path, the biting air
nips my cheeks, breath exhales white
into the air, teeth chattering

the sun will come around once more
a few months, is all I have to bare
of waking in the darkness off to work
returning in the same stilled black
but I know, as sure as every season comes
longer lit days will arrive once more
where smiles are more readily seen on faces
venturing out of doors, ceasing the will
to hibernate as short beaked echnidas do
for we have no bears that hide in caves
as I wish at times I could