Post Christmas day and Boxing Day chat

Oh where did those 2 days disappear?

Firstly a thank you to all who read and also commented on my pre Christmas chat. I hope that you all had a wonderful day with those you love and possibly those you may not (depending on the family/friend relationships that were gathered at your table).

Our Boxing Day is drawing to an end with another day of good food and good company.

Yesterday we went to my brothers for lunch I’m driving as Mr. S with his ‘boot’ cannot. Picked up Mr. S’s stepfather P and then daughter B and her husband E (sorry possibly confusing you with all these letters).

Arriving and organising the entree (fresh prawns cooked in chilli & sesame oil) with home made garlic mayonnaise, a roasted capsicum and Thai dipping sauces.

The rest of the family arrived brother P after picking up Mumma & Pop Penguin, nephews D his wife D and S and his wife E and their new babies Mia and Charlize.

K then entered without J…but she was calm and seemed relaxed.

Highlights of the day

The food, prawns, glazed BBQ leg of ham and turkey, salads.
Desserts of small puddings or individual trifles, with cream, custard, puréed rhubarb, meringue and home made shortbread.

The Kris Kringle gift giving, where we were given numbers, taking it in turns to choose a generic gift, then having the opportunity to steal what we preferred from someone else (mumma p got grumpy when her baileys Irish cream liquer vanished)

Playing darts outside with all the boys in the family.
This also included garden darts…trying to spear a leaf across the lawn, from over our heads, blindfolded, between our legs.

Taking family photos, pulling silly faces and crazy positions.

Cuddling the two babies and being able to settle them and get them sleeping (haven’t lost the knack it seems)

Receiving a weekend get-a-way with Mr.S in February in Victoria (destination unknown) & a Fitbit (a watch that tells you calories burned, sleep patterns etc)

Best highlight

Watching my girls K and B talking and son in law E.
Watching them laugh and share and K joining in the day.

and in the in betweens

Mumma P getting cranky that no one was singing carols, throughout the conversations held at the table.

Pop feeling useless that he had to be helped to walk and be seated.

Lowlights

We forgot to buy Bon Bons and sit with our silly paper hats!

I hope you had an amazing two days.
So what were your highlights and in-betweens, if you’d like to share?

A very long chat time

I wrote a poem last night, the first post since coming back from our break, but in all honesty I have been so busy and tired to write much at all. So it’s update time.
I have broken it up into members so you can pick which if any you wish to be updated on.

MUMMA PENGUIN

Mumma Penguin is now in transitional care, since falling and breaking her upper arm 5 weeks ago and requires more intensive physiotherapy. She didn’t want to be in Hospital and popped on her cranky pants every morning, wearing them with pride all day. This hospital is old, but the staff are lovely. She wasn’t interested in socialising with anyone, her memory is deteriorating quite quickly. She didn’t want anyone to know her business.

Here however they have a dining room and a loungeroom with a TV. She cannot sit in her room and eat and watch her TV as in the first hospital, therefore she is forced to socialise. This has proven beneficial, as now she chats with a few of the elderly patients (mainly the men she tells me) whilst eating and watches the TV with them. Something none of us thought she would ever do. I bought her some track pants (sweat pants) and colour coordinated tops, to encourage her to get out of her nightie (as the braless look) on any 85 year old not just my mum, has little to be desired!

One of the pairs of pants were too long, so a quick repair job, cuffing and putting safety pins in, to help prevent her falling again. I spoke to her yesterday asking which pants she was wearing, the blue ones she replied. The pins not annoying you? What pins? The safety pins I put in to keep them up. Oh no, I took them out…right then.

She asks me daily have I had any services, I give the same reply. She tells me Pop doesn’t go in to see her, I tell her he has been in every day. She tells me daily that she has her arm in a sling, but she can use her left hand. I’m learning not to get as frustrated and just answering the question as if it’s a totally new one! She’s eating well, small portions but 3 times a day. She misses Pop terribly, but she has to stay at least 3 more weeks. Then she will be assessed again to see how she will cope at home.

POPPA PENGUIN

Not much to write about Pop. His walking is very, very slow. His speech has slowed down also and he spends the majority of his day nodding on and off, apart from appointments and visiting mum. This is how he we will be and I embrace every day that I have him. He has been diagnosed with macular degeneration and needs to keep a check on it annually and take some medication. He misses Mumma Penguin, but friends have been so helpful, bringing him food, providing transport to visit her.

K

Still struggles. She had another major meltdown two Sunday’s ago. From the positivity of the Seminar, to have her in front of me, sobbing and saying I don’t remember being a child, or 14 or 16, where have I gone mum, tell me, where was the girl I used to be. Any parent who reads this would realise the heartbreak that I as her mother felt in these few minutes. She wanted to admit herself to hospital as she couldn’t cope with her BPD any longer. I talked to her for over an hour, in the end she has decided to try medication – Serequel. Today she got the script. I can only hope that her life becomes a little easier when she starts taking it, anything is better than how she suffers. Her sister and her have still not got together, but I live in hope.

ME

I performed two services last week, Tuesday and Wednesday. Tuesday’s sadly was for a young 20 year old boy, who passed from cancer. The mum wanted it uplifting and a true celebration of his life. That it was. There were tears, there was laughter. His dog was there front row. During the Photo Reflection I asked the Assembly to sing to the song chosen, they did. I asked them to dance and or sing there way as they left the Chapel, to Justice Crews Que Sera Sera they did. I was on a high, it was wonderful. The following day, I received a text from one of the Assembly asking if I did weddings, as he thought the service was excellent and wants me to conduct his wedding next October. I told him I’m in the process of finishing my assessments and it could be some time before I hopefully pass, get registered etc. He said we can be your test crash dummies, we want you. Do you known know how that makes me feel? Bloody brilliant…that’s how.

Thank you for reading all or parts. Many things happen in my world, not forgetting painting of the all the door frames, skirting boards and windows in the house 😝

Borderline Personality Disorder

It is Thursday the 26th of June. I sit at the home of my parents.

I thought about writing this weeks ago,  not knowing if I should ‘explain my situation’, but I now do,  in the hope that anyone else who reads my ‘blog’ may be helped in some way. Anyone that they may know that might display the symptoms of BPD can then hopefully try and receive the care and attention that they need.

4 weeks ago (almost 5) my youngest daughter (27) had a ‘major meltdown’ and as a consequence, my life spiraled out of control, as did hers. She lived with me and my partner Mr. S and also her boyfriend.

Some of you have emailed and I have explained my situation, or a brief outline.

I write this now, for any parent or family member who has a child/teenager or adult still under their care, or that they may know, who may have been diagnosed with depression, or with bipolar/anxiety, that there maybe another illness that it could possibly be.

One that up to 7 months ago, I had never heard about. It is called – Borderline Personality Disorder, or more commonly BPD.

Borderline can be closely linked with also having depression, bi-polar or anxiety.

My daughter K attends the DBT (Dialectal Behaviour Therapy) Centre in Melbourne. This Clinic specialises in using a Modified Cognitive Behavioural Therapy treatment.

Many therapists won’t take on patients with BPD as it is so complex and frustrating and simply hard work.
Martha Linehan  http://linehaninstitute.org/ introduced this style of therapy and only recently was it then public knowledge, that she herself suffered from BPD.

It is a confusing and frustrating mental illness, the patient suffering from extreme sensitivity to all matters, to the point where emotional outbursts, sometimes will result in violence to others or self harm and or suicide of the patient.

This is her life, my life and that of my family. I was guilty. I did not understand, I did not read up about it, what it entailed, how severe it was. I learnt the hard way.

There are 9 indications that a person has BPD. For those that wish to read a little on what BPD is –

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/9670.php

For the past 4 weeks I have not lived in my home, spending the first week with my eldest daughter and now my parents.  My partner had to remove himself from the situation on that terrible night, moving elsewhere, but we are trying to keep our relationship together. I am now in a position where I have to sell my home, as my income is limited. I cannot live with K nor can she live with me.

This illness is described as a ‘relationship killer’. Or the ‘love/hate relationship’. Carers and or family members having to walk on eggshells, for fear of triggering their emotions.

There have been factors/incidences, that I think/feel have manifested in her, resulting in her diagnosis of BPD, which I cannot go into detail about.

She, displayed to the outside world a happy, confident young woman with a great sense of humour. Underlying, however was festering BPD.

I love my daughter with every breath that I breathe, but I cannot live with her any longer. I have so much guilt, as a mother who does not want her to self harm or god forbid even contemplate suicide, because she feels she cannot cope with the ‘normal’ world around her. Thankfully, her therapist has not seen any signs of this.

I have spoken to others on WordPress who are sufferers, I have joined a monthly support group to help me try to connect once more with the daughter that I love. I read and read all that I can, but because her ‘personality’ can jump from one extreme to the next, managing or understanding what she suffers is extremely difficult. It is not like bi-polar where there are extreme highs, then extreme lows. BDP sufferers experience this continually… the virtual see-saw.

From what I have learned or more so witnessed with my daughter, is we can compartmentalize our thoughts/actions at a given time. She/they can not. What we may ‘spread over’ a day or a week, she/they have constantly circling in their minds. Lists are written to try and help her cope daily, lists which she would always read out loud to me, of what she had to do each day, in order to get some ‘peace’ in her mind. I would be constantly contacted by text, if I was out, with K advising me what she was doing next.  Still, even though I knew this wasn’t right for a girl of 27, I did not look into it further.

Jobs were plentiful, as BPD sufferers sabotage jobs they are in, even if they are enjoying it. They have no self worth, also feeling that others should handle their distress.

The family or carers, must ‘cop the tirades’, the abuse, only when it becomes violent must we walk away from the situation, in order to protect ourselves, or them.

It is distressing, it is heartbreaking, but I have been advised and read that it is to an extent curable.  It can take many years to do so however. The patient must learn the skills required, not to be triggered by what others say or do, or events that they experience, to cope with their own instabilities. The recipient must also learn strategies not to evoke, upset and try to understand what they are experiencing.

I am doing what I can, but as a parent I am ashamed to say that I am limited. Selling my home/her home, in order for me to survive, plays heavily on my heart as her mother and my emotions, as BPD’s have a great fear of abandonment (even if they aren’t being abandoned) are understandably erratic right now .

I live with mum and Pop and as many of you know, mum has dementia, so I have taken on the role of full time carer for both of them for the time being. When I move I will also be an hours drive from them, which may not seem much, but I have always been within minutes of them.

But this isn’t about me and how I feel, or what I’ve been going through.  It is about an illness that not many have heard about, or are able to comprehend. To an outsider, the BPD is just acting like a ‘spoilt brat’, seeking attention, wishing to manipulate, but this is not true.

Their process of dealing with emotions of any kind is vastly different to those who don’t suffer this.

For weeks, this has consumed me, to try and do the right thing. She has no where else to live other than my home, which I cannot afford to keep any longer. This is my dilemma, being torn apart, not wanting to lose my partner of 6 years whom I love and knowing what I can do,  that won’t see my youngest baby in the streets. Public housing is pretty much non existent here. Private renting is available, but expensive. Crisis housing not an option, as she and her B/F would have to move from one place to the next every few days and I know she would not be able to take or cope with this, nor do either of them have a steady income.

I am in discussion with her father and I talk constantly with my friends and I can only hope we can reach a solution and soon.

I am now seeing a therapist, as I feel as if I have been drowning, but my daughter K is the one who is drowning the most and I will do whatever I can to ensure that she is cured of this terrible illness and able to live a happy and well adjusted life in the future. That is all any parent wishes. This is what I wish, as she feels that I do not love her or support her in this.

So, in closing, I can only suggest that you seek help from your Medical Practitioner, if you feel that you, or someone you love or know, maybe showing signs of BPD.

Help is out there, it is a long road that I travel, but an even longer road for my darling ‘baby girl’..

 

PS:  I thank you if you have read. I thank all of you, those that read me regularly and knew nothing of my situation and yet have shown and given support, love and encouragement along these weeks, which to me at this juncture, seem like months.

 

 

 

 

Remembering

It is Thursday the 26th of June. I sit at the home of my parents.

I thought about writing this weeks ago,  not knowing if I should ‘explain my situation’, but I now do,  in the hope that anyone else who reads my ‘blog’ may be helped in some way. Anyone that they may know that might display the symptoms of BPD can then hopefully try and receive the care and attention that they need.

4 weeks ago (almost 5) my youngest daughter (27) had a ‘major meltdown’ and as a consequence, my life spiraled out of control, as did hers. She lived with me and my partner Mr. S and also her boyfriend.

Some of you have emailed and I have explained my situation, or a brief outline.

I write this now, for any parent or family member who has a child/teenager or adult still under their care, or that they may know, who may have been diagnosed with depression, or with bipolar/anxiety, that there maybe another illness that it could possibly be.

One that up to 7 months ago, I had never heard about. It is called – Borderline Personality Disorder, or more commonly BPD.

Borderline can be closely linked with also having depression, bi-polar or anxiety.

My daughter K attends the DBT (Dialectal Behaviour Therapy) Centre in Melbourne. This Clinic specialises in using a Modified Cognitive Behavioural Therapy treatment.

Many therapists won’t take on patients with BPD as it is so complex and frustrating and simply hard work.
Martha Linehan  http://linehaninstitute.org/ introduced this style of therapy and only recently was it then public knowledge, that she herself suffered from BPD.

It is a confusing and frustrating mental illness, the patient suffering from extreme sensitivity to all matters, to the point where emotional outbursts, sometimes will result in violence to others or self harm and or suicide of the patient.

This is her life, my life and that of my family. I was guilty. I did not understand, I did not read up about it, what it entailed, how severe it was. I learnt the hard way.

There are 9 indications that a person has BPD. For those that wish to read a little on what BPD is –

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/9670.php

For the past 4 weeks I have not lived in my home, spending the first week with my eldest daughter and now my parents.  My partner had to remove himself from the situation on that terrible night, moving elsewhere, but we are trying to keep our relationship together. I am now in a position where I have to sell my home, as my income is limited. I cannot live with K nor can she live with me.

This illness is described as a ‘relationship killer’. Or the ‘love/hate relationship’. Carers and or family members having to walk on eggshells, for fear of triggering their emotions.

There have been factors/incidences, that I think/feel have manifested in her, resulting in her diagnosis of BPD, which I cannot go into detail about.

She, displayed to the outside world a happy, confident young woman with a great sense of humour. Underlying, however was festering BPD.

I love my daughter with every breath that I breathe, but I cannot live with her any longer. I have so much guilt, as a mother who does not want her to self harm or god forbid even contemplate suicide, because she feels she cannot cope with the ‘normal’ world around her. Thankfully, her therapist has not seen any signs of this.

I have spoken to others on WordPress who are sufferers, I have joined a monthly support group to help me try to connect once more with the daughter that I love. I read and read all that I can, but because her ‘personality’ can jump from one extreme to the next, managing or understanding what she suffers is extremely difficult. It is not like bi-polar where there are extreme highs, then extreme lows. BDP sufferers experience this continually… the virtual see-saw.

From what I have learned or more so witnessed with my daughter, is we can compartmentalize our thoughts/actions at a given time. She/they can not. What we may ‘spread over’ a day or a week, she/they have constantly circling in their minds. Lists are written to try and help her cope daily, lists which she would always read out loud to me, of what she had to do each day, in order to get some ‘peace’ in her mind. I would be constantly contacted by text, if I was out, with K advising me what she was doing next.  Still, even though I knew this wasn’t right for a girl of 27, I did not look into it further.

Jobs were plentiful, as BPD sufferers sabotage jobs they are in, even if they are enjoying it. They have no self worth, also feeling that others should handle their distress.

The family or carers, must ‘cop the tirades’, the abuse, only when it becomes violent must we walk away from the situation, in order to protect ourselves, or them.

It is distressing, it is heartbreaking, but I have been advised and read that it is to an extent curable.  It can take many years to do so however. The patient must learn the skills required, not to be triggered by what others say or do, or events that they experience, to cope with their own instabilities. The recipient must also learn strategies not to evoke, upset and try to understand what they are experiencing.

I am doing what I can, but as a parent I am ashamed to say that I am limited. Selling my home/her home, in order for me to survive, plays heavily on my heart as her mother and my emotions, as BPD’s have a great fear of abandonment (even if they aren’t being abandoned) are understandably erratic right now .

I live with mum and Pop and as many of you know, mum has dementia, so I have taken on the role of full time carer for both of them for the time being. When I move I will also be an hours drive from them, which may not seem much, but I have always been within minutes of them.

But this isn’t about me and how I feel, or what I’ve been going through.  It is about an illness that not many have heard about, or are able to comprehend. To an outsider, the BPD is just acting like a ‘spoilt brat’, seeking attention, wishing to manipulate, but this is not true.

Their process of dealing with emotions of any kind is vastly different to those who don’t suffer this.

For weeks, this has consumed me, to try and do the right thing. She has no where else to live other than my home, which I cannot afford to keep any longer. This is my dilemma, being torn apart, not wanting to lose my partner of 6 years whom I love and knowing what I can do,  that won’t see my youngest baby in the streets. Public housing is pretty much non existent here. Private renting is available, but expensive. Crisis housing not an option, as she and her B/F would have to move from one place to the next every few days and I know she would not be able to take or cope with this, nor do either of them have a steady income.

I am in discussion with her father and I talk constantly with my friends and I can only hope we can reach a solution and soon.

I am now seeing a therapist, as I feel as if I have been drowning, but my daughter K is the one who is drowning the most and I will do whatever I can to ensure that she is cured of this terrible illness and able to live a happy and well adjusted life in the future. That is all any parent wishes. This is what I wish, as she feels that I do not love her or support her in this.

So, in closing, I can only suggest that you seek help from your Medical Practitioner, if you feel that you, or someone you love or know, maybe showing signs of BPD.

Help is out there, it is a long road that I travel, but an even longer road for my darling ‘baby girl’..

PS:  I thank you if you have read. I thank all of you, those that read me regularly and knew nothing of my situation and yet have shown and given support, love and encouragement along these weeks, which to me at this juncture, seem like months.

 

Crossing the Bridge without you (Prose)

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can I cross the bridge from life to death
when my last breath is drawn
not knowing what's on the other side
can I leave those I love and say goodbye
what thoughts in my last moments
that I have been granted on this earth
stay ~ please let me stay
as my hand is held in yours

I don't think I'm ready, there is so much
I've yet to do, the pain of leaving
~ living without you
is one that I can't fathom, there's so much
more I want to see; the walk across the bridge
is frightening, not knowing where it leads
cry not, once I am gone
as I walk away from you, be strong and
smile at memories ~ the love I have for you

I am being called now
there is no more pain within
my voice is silently swallowed
my breath begins to fade
I'll walk with unsure footsteps
across this bridge to the unknown
and I take my last look at you
my family and my home

How I wish I could wipe your tears
to tell you don't be sad
I want to see your smiling face
now give your Pop his final hug
I'm glad you were my daughter
~ I'll miss you more than you will know
be strong my darling girl
as I cross my bridge alone

©jmtacken Dec 2013  (Fictional)

For Prompt 32 http://mindlovemisery.wordpress.com

I tried not to have an end pattern rhyme, but I simply couldn't..

Something different from Prose – Just a ramble

I forgot to do a ‘How my weekend was’, mind you I did not have enough to write about.  Friday I spent the day at the penguins and did their weeding for 5 hours, yes my bum cheeks and thighs felt it Saturday.

Saturday afternoon, went to the ‘The Circle’ to watch the fledging mediums strut their stuff, unfortunately no one wanted to talk to me. Sunday? Um Sunday – scratches head – oh yes Sunday in the afternoon went for a demonstration of a Thermomix machine the whizz bang German made cutter, slicer, dicer, scales, cooker, bread & maker everything you can imagine all in one unit that does everything apart from brown the meat. At $2,000.00 a bargain…. no I did not buy one. I hardly cook these days and not working still thought better of it.

Remember the diamond I lost out of my ring, I didn’t have enough Insurance so they only could pay out $1,000 (the diamond was $2000) so sadly instead of putting it towards another gem, I will be using this money to help with the bills etc.

I did see a service last Monday with another Celebrant from the same company as the first one I saw. This one was a gentleman however. It was a bit eerie as the service was held in the same Chapel where Mr. S.’s mum had hers. I watched him ‘do his thing’ and although he spoke quite well, to me he was to business like, there was no emotion in what he said, though he paused at the right moments.

The positive that came out of this was that this time,  I met the owner of the F.D Home. Mal, a lovely elderly gentlemen. He said Liz (the lady I first saw) I know I am testing memories here from previous posts, has been with them for years and she does generic services (I call that lazy). Greg has also been since the company started, so they have to give them priority. BUT  (I know you can’t sentences with but) he said that his niece also did services but didn’t really want to do them anymore, so they have 2, but they could do with 3… and to keep in touch with his son who is now waiting for an appropriate (hopefully smooth sailing) funeral for me to conduct on trial.

So each day I sit and write, and visit the folks – oh yes, sorry,  I haven’t really updated them have I. Dad is doing okay after his 3rd fall. We are off to see the Oncologist next week. We have to wait till the end of Nov for mums Geriatric assessment. We are in the process of getting the medical alerts pendants and also another assessment to how they are coping living in their home.

Pop is feeling weaker though, I went in yesterday and he was asleep at 10 (he wakes at 5) but normally doesn’t sleep till the afternoon. In fact sometimes when I am sitting there during the day he nods off in the chair at the kitchen table. Mum started crying, which got me going and he said he is feeling useless and weak.

Each day as it comes, that’s all I can get through and hope that he is with us for a long time to come.

 

Now just to brighten the mood a little…. Daughter # 2 has a onsey – I tried it on this morning for a giggle, so that you may too. Erm I’m a Unicorn in case you are wondering.

 

Onesy anyone

 

 

frame of minds

am I forgotten
amongst metal frames corroding
endless corridors, starched white sheets
remnants of my meals, dried upon the
pale blue gown I wear
I never liked this colour blue

are you aware of
the breath you draw, is the exhale
breathed of me – as you daydream drying plates
looking onto fields of green, I’m amongst those
who soil their pyjamas and weep, take that rubbish away
– I do not like your jelly

I wonder if you notice
your visits are rare – in my head I see you smile
hear your voice, why have I so many bruises
the colour of petrol on my skin that’s paper thin
– I tell them they have to move me more

so will you come and visit
sit and read to me whispering – ‘you’ll be home soon’
back where I belong, where I can dry your plates
I’ll not get in your way, let me live where I feel safe
– just remind me who you are again

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

… written for Open Link Night over at dVerse Poets Pub.

So like to see you there. They are celebrating their 2 year Anniversary!!

I’m sure there will be a drink on the house.

A Review of my memoir The Empty Nest – A Mother’s Hidden Grief

I have just met Michael on WP and he very kindly bought my Memoir and may I say read it within a day or two. He has been absolutely gracious by submitting a review on Amazon which I post below.

Those who know me, also know that I do not push my book onto you, this is not why I started this site, for I feel uneasy about self promoting. I post this because I am humbled knowing that people have read my work, read the words that I had written, this is an absolute joy for me, whether they like what I have written or not, I have pride that I can call myself a writer, something I have dreamed about for so long.

My penned words about what I experienced when my girls left home, have now been read by 72 people – this may seem small – to me it is huge. Large profits – I make not – knowing that people can resonate with what I have written – that is worth so much more.

To Michael I thank you, from the bottom of my heart for this review.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Review

The Empty Nest

A Mother’s Hidden Grief

J M Kadane

Jenny Kadane’s book chronicling her life bringing up two daughters is an excellent account of her life exploring the journey she makes with them from birth to the present time. She takes us through the good and the bad moments of parenting with great honesty and clarity.

Her writing is straightforward, accessible and at times you find your self laughing at the funny things she recalls but there are other times where you find yourself expressing your own emotional response to the stories many of which, as a parent, you relate to.

There are features within this text that give it a universal appeal.

As parents we all have to deal with the day our children decide it is time for them to leave home.

We often agonise over them leaving, fearful of what they will have to deal with in the big wide world and always we want to be protective of them.

No parent ever wants to see their child suffering and we go to great lengths to provide support and back ups for the times when they do break free and leave the nest.

All of these issues are dealt with in great detail and the reader is able to easily empathise with the writing and sentiments being expressed.

There are times in this text where Ms Kadane comes across as a highly emotional woman. (In fact she does make the point at various times in her work that she was aware of her emotional outpourings.)

Rather than being a text, which could have descended into a study of emotional angst, she is clever in reflecting constantly on her own emotions, and on the significance of the events that occur in her life.

Ms Kadane’s daughters, like most children grow and become their own persons.  As a parent we know our children do not grow up to necessarily reflect our attitudes nor do they always do what you would wish for them to do.

The factor for me, which made me connect so readily with her words, was the attitude that she was always there for her girls. It is easy to say these things but as a parent when your children transgress from what you consider the norms of society and test your patience and fortitude ‘hanging in there with them’ can take great courage.

‘The Empty Nest” is a record of the love of a mother, the fierce determination to be the best mother she can be along with her own reflections and understandings of how each development in her daughters lives impacted on her.

As a male reader I was immediately taken by the depth of her writing. I could relate so well to the emotions she was experiencing.

Fathers also feel a sense of grief when their children leave. We like to have our children ‘within’ arms length’ so to speak. Like Ms Kadane we also crave a regular contact with our children.

You finish the text thinking what a brave woman she is to have sat and reflected as she has done on her life. She owns all the mistakes she admits she’s made, there is no glossing over the truth and for this reason the book has great value to other mothers and I might add fathers as well.

No reader will regret the time spent on this excellent book. A great read.

Michael Grogan

Parent

Teacher

July 2013.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back in April, Meditating Mummy also read and wrote a review, to her I am immensely grateful. I am ‘chuffed’ that people have taken the time to read and to write their thoughts. You may see her review on the below link.

Reblogged from Meditating Mummy’s Blog:

I thank you.

The moments after

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In those moments
on warm cotton thread sheets
that yield heat into my skin
cozy-ing my slumbered body
when I rouse, not from the pre-set
tune of yesterday or the days before
that sings out from my bedside phone
that disturbs my solitude
the time when daylight says wake up

in those moments, as blinking eyes
flicker, with tears that sting a little
I feel my heart rate quicken
my senses start to stir
the day telling me to begin
listening to my breath for the first time
that day, unlike when I was closed off
in my sleep, when I didn’t hear
the sounds of birds waking in the branches
or the cars out on the highway
or the sheets swish as I moved

in those moments when I spread my hand
across the mattress that we share
to you, who lays next to me
to you, whose sleep is restless
I pause just for a second or maybe two
everything is not real, but it is
as is this morning
the Saturday has fallen once again
I remember the previous
the events, the loss

in those moments as we drive out
in our ‘getting along with life’
when the clock on the dashboard
clicks to 9:30am
I reach and hold your hand
with seven days that have passed
today is as real as last week was
tears well in our eyes
and the clock, as life, continues
9:31am

Passing through the storm

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The door to yesterday flung open
with force and raging temperament
twisting like the hurricane, emotions rose
taking pieces of our sanity – discarding them

with violent blows, hammer on wood
our senses were assaulted, our rational
dispersed like spiralling winds from a
tornado, unable to root to earth

the blanket of fog we stepped into
not only was outside at the hour
on the hour, but carpeted our bodies
as we witnessed, your end to life

today we woke, the fog lifted
though the grey still sits and waits
patiently for us, till we have thoughts
of tomorrow – till we are ordinary again

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

May I just add a very big thank you to everyone for your empathy and condolences with the events of yesterday.