We all have ‘stuff’

They walk through crowds
heads bowed
unable to verbalise
their hurt

Some cover with fake smiles
whilst others openly weep
small pieces begin to break
the broken us

We all have ‘stuff’

Some breathe through it
others struggle for breath
hiding easier than facing
denying what they feel

Problems are just that
the size no consequence
to those who suffer
for we are individual

We all have ‘stuff’

A smile ~ a tear
withdrawing or talking
inner screams or outer
we all need to be heard

To be given support
having that shoulder
let us not cry alone

It’s like the carousel that
……. Will not stop
……. We go around with our ‘stuff’
……. In the hope we are heard
……. We have a voice
……..Let us use it

Copyright JMTacken 10.3.2015
Photo Credit
Tears –
growingingod.org

Under Water

I’m dressed
water, fat, muscle, bone
makes up the me
say nothing of the heart
that beats ‘neath fine skin
a blade between ribs
would empty me
spill the empathy
that holds so heavy
I’m losing strength
to carry this
I see it now a burden
yet this is who I am

Not a day passes
when I don’t ‘feel’
I hear the calls
watch arms above the waterline
I know they’re drowning
friends say they can swim
strip the water, fat, muscle, bone
I can’t, I don’t believe them
I dive in regardless of the blade

Copyright JMTacken 11.2.2015

 

K still struggles, trying to find work, dealing with her BPD.

Tests from her seizure on the 21st December are still  being undertaken. The Neurologist said Epilepsy, but not conclusive until a further MRI and sleep deprived half day EEG are performed.

Pop is still in the Rehab Hospital, they are saying if he can stand out of the chair without assistance, or walk with his walker, with confidence , he may be able to go back home on the 19th, I can’t see this happening.

I visited him this afternoon and took him in the wheelchair to sit under the trees, as he hasn’t been out doors for 3 weeks.

Mr.S and I had a weekend away last weekend, but my mind is always elsewhere and it is draining me.

Thank you you for the emails and messages, I’m just tired and haven’t been able to concentrate on writing or reading your posts. I hope to soon. I hope you are all well, I have missed you.

x

 

It’s all in the music (Prose with Music)

[youtube.com/watch?v=SYDrQqJVZMc]
spirit of music, beckons
sounds evoke images, ears absorb
they swirl around your core
then settle, within the depth of you

drops of silken water touch leaves
waterfalls cascade down glassy rocks
rainbows stretch across hills
clouds float along the breeze
waves tumble to the shore
snow slowly melts on the bough

sunset on a slow summers night
branches bow against the breeze
the notes are more than these
go with them, they guide you to
places you have never been

some make you soar
fly on wings ‘cross crystal oceans
or darkness and shadows appear
what you experience, what you hear

listen
as notes heighten senses
music changes you, brings tears
of sadness, or of joy
instruments or words
they can alter the thoughts
you now possess
before you began to play

©jmtacken 17 Feb 2014

and a nudge or two from Brian on this one ~ thank you~ I struggle with passive and active language ..but I’m learning!

Wake me up (Prose – Inspired from the song)

[youtube.com/watch?v=5y_KJAg8bHI]
wake me up when dreams are real
guns laid down
soldiers home
wake me up when sadness walks another road
seeking is found
goals achieved
wake me up when the starving are fed
crops flourish
drought an unknown word
wake me up when bombs don't hit the earth
politicians speak truth
gain is not just monetary
wake me up when the blind can see
ears can hear
voices are heard
wake me up when disease is cured
limbs are able
minds are clear
wake me up when animals are not tortured
caged to fight
or set upon
wake me up when I feel lost
my path unclear
crossroads of life
wake me up when tears of pain fall
from animal or man
cries unheard
wake me up when broken hearts are healed
lovers feel no pain
those we lose remain
wake me up when my hands and mind aren't heavy
thoughts of what's to come
what life will bring
just wake me up ~ when it's all over

 

oh and sorry for the advertising!

©jmtacken Jan 2014

Crosswords (Prose)

several scotches make my brain swirl

and I bleed,  not blood poured out from veins

but the spillage of a bond between a parent and her child

the insults, the doubts of a child,  who thinks I’ve done her wrong

cut me to the core, I wonder of her upbringing and what I have done to cause….

to make her feel this way and yet I cry the tears of mammoths as words spill from my heart

the indecisiveness of words said, of gestures that have been harsh, the solution not being reached

and in this moment, this now, when a discussion has been ceased, the words of a mother to the one she

loves don’t mean a thing

 

©jmtacken 21/11/2013

Changes within seconds

WORDS upon a page, I wrote of
love and trust ~ the mood was right
ten lines in, plying time
settling into rhythm

the phone, a girlfriend on the line
her WORDS  “he’s gone” she cried
perspective changed, pattern lost
~ the feel of what I wrote

the man I knew as ‘Uncle Les’
a tumour diagnosed last month
his life ended 7.45 pm
the rhythm of his heart ~ that stopped

tumour in the brain, caused a cough
otherwise no signs~ we talk of only weeks
how fast the body breaks
how nature’s rhythm, can cease

so I sit here now ~ 9 pm WORDS that were
won’t be again, tonight ~ this night
thinking of the suffering, the son
the daughter, the family ~ his wife

she worked with mum back in 1950
a friendship to which I was a part
~ her birthday tomorrow, we were
to attend, her world now broken apart

why is life cut short, at times
it simply does, the circle as we know
and we ~ the ones left behind are useless
sympathy and condolences to show

so WORDS be gone, of what was thought
star bright skies ~ romance ~ tonight
to you the man I knew, as ‘Uncle Les’
although you weren’t

RIP dear Les, we’ll miss you
your life on earth had purpose
the Universe decided, it was
your time to go ~ WORDS

~ no rhyme or reason

~ I simply say farewell

xxx

Strolling – Stream of Consciousness

Strolling

kick up scattered pebbles that cross my path

sun sheets hang on tentacle boughs

my heart warm as the sun

music plays in my head ….cellos and violins and spanish guitars

a plethora of sounds ….a symphony of elements and bouncing coloured notes

dancing with my thoughts

that make me smile

a stave jouncing in rhythm to the strums

I stroll and imagine life in the woods

when I was young

capturing visions of fairies and elves

and all that is good

they dance upon the fallen tree trunks

and call to baby fawns

I crouch in hiding and hear them giggle

watch them pirouette amongst the leaves

the music does this as I stroll and watch and feel the sun

with a smile inside my heart

For Alastair    http://alastairsphotofiction.wordpress.com/2013/05/26/photo-fiction-sunday-26th-may-2013/

The picture from Alastair may be fog – however I took it as sun.. Thank you Alastair. If anyone enjoys photo prompts, please go and visit and join in the fun and challenge.

After Life Meetings – continued

I haven’t written for a few weeks on my sessions that I have been attending. Please see here if you do not have a clue what I am talking about.     the-spirit-side-session-2

I have been to 3 session since last writing.

The first was an open session to any members of the public that were interested. Carol – the ‘Head Medium’ stood for 2 hours, giving readings to those present. Towards the end of the day she stood up and said Simpson. Now Mr. S’s surname is Simpson, so I raised my hand.  Bearing in mind that I have not discussed anything about Mr. S or his family or my family to anyone in these sessions.

Carol said I have the letter A on this link, I see tattoos on the upper arm, there is also an army link and a ship. She also held her chest and said she had a crushing feeling. I had no idea who she was referring too, as I don’t know Mr. S’s relatives (spirit side).

During the week I checked with Mr. S’s mum if she knew of any relatives on her side that matched the evidence that Carol gave.

Her fathers name was Albert – He had the letter A tattooed on his upper arm. The Army – he was in the Light Horse Brigade. The Boat – he played violin in a ship band. The crushing feeling? He passed suddenly in a room by himself of a heart attack…..

Last Wednesday it was the ‘class’ I have only stood once if you recall and have politely sat back listening and watching others for a little while. One of the Dutch women (Miny) gave me a nudge from the back, telling me to get up again.She was quite adamant that I do so.

Reluctantly I stood and faced the class. One of the more experienced mediums stood up with me. This was the conversation.

me “I have nothing, I’m still not sure what I should be doing, or if I simply make things up”.
she “All of us at first think we are making things up, I want you to simply go with what is in your head, whether you have visuals or hear, now who do you see?”
me “a woman blonde shoulder length hair, passed with something here (I held my hand on my stomach)
the lady (Miny) who had told me to get up raised her hand saying that she could accept it (ie she knew who I was  ‘seeing’) I continued.
me “this lady loved big necklaces, chunky”.
Miny nodded.
me ” She was a very happy, bubbly woman”
Miny “yes”
me “I see floral curtains in a sun room and a garden in tiers, landscaped”
Miny “yes”
I can tell you I was shaking by this stage.
me “I see two children a boy and a girl”.
Miny “yes”
me “the boy is quite tall, taller than the girl”.
Miny  “no the girl was taller”.
me “this woman, she passed September”
Miny ‘yes”
me “early September”
Miny “yes”
That is all I saw, no matter how I tried I couldn’t get any more visuals or ‘feeling’.

Miny said that I had described her sister who had passed away, the only part that wasn’t correct was the son being taller than the daughter.

My brother also came through..in a very quiet way (I have been hoping he would since I started these classes) but I shall leave that for another post.

So do I believe? I am more convinced than what I was in the beginning. It hasn’t been proven that spirits don’t exist…is it always merely a coincidence……

A letter behind the mirror

Prose Exercise – Write a story in which a letter is found behind a mirror.
From www.davidrm.com

This is dedicated to  Meditating Mummy’s Blog  loves Pride and Prejudice and all things romantic.

My dearest William,

Forgive me for writing, forgive that I have not found the courage to hand deliver this to you in person at the garden party two weeks ago, where I saw you for the third time.

I have battled with my inner feelings so, moreover the last few weeks and even now as I put pen to paper, I struggle. I know not, even as I write, to summon the courage to give this to you and if I do, how would I do this? For it must be with the utmost discretion.

Each time I see you, my heart does flutter, like the wings of a dove set free, alas, I am not free. Nor shall I ever be.

Like the dove my heart soars, every time I hear the mere mention of your name, or as fortune permits that I see you and it saddens me so that our lives are not intertwined.

My love for you is greater than all the treasures in this earth and yet I am alone, so very alone.

I wish to be unshackled from the life that I have now, that I may walk with you amongst our friends, our heads held high, or perhaps if I may be so bold, in the gardens alone.

I dream of you William, I blush as I tell you this. Modesty, I have none at this time, my thoughts and forgive me, my desire for you, would, in the eyes of others be seemingly wicked and un-lady like, yet they are thoughts I cannot control or keep to myself any longer.

Your fun for life, humours me greatly and something that I sorely miss in mine.

I know that I shall never be free, or that you would even consider the prospect of us ever meeting, but I write this nonetheless.

I ask for exoneration dearest William for taking the liberty of airing my feelings towards you, for I feel that you do not even know of my existence.  There was a glimmer of a smile in my direction, or I hoped that it was for me, a smile that bound my heart to yours.

I must be brave and console myself that you perhaps may feel as I do? Did you see my blushing cheeks as I fanned myself, not from the heat of the warm summer day, but the feelings that rose in me.

Have you noticed me amongst our friends? Though I am a woman spoken for, my relationship is an unhappy one, this is why I present my desires for you, shamelessly and wanton. I ask only one question of you and I pray your answer is the one I am longing to hear.

Will you meet with me my love?

Mary

My new job – 1st day

Yes my 1st day at my new job…right back into the thick of it. Well, actually no I lie. I woke at 7am and then had 1.5hrs to kill (so of course instead of putting a load of washing on – I checked my emails – only 67 of them from WordPress)….Argh!!

Anywhoo I can see you all waiting with bated breath “So how did it go”?… wait…you aren’t?

Hmm.. ok I shall inform you nonetheless.

It went fine as far as ‘first days’ go. They didn’t throw me into the deep end to answer phones. I had training on glass frames and my lordy it is such a complicated process to make them (ie: don’t ever grizzle again about the cost of them) because some can take up to 8 months to make!.

I sat and ate lunch with the team, I picked some orders (we are talking glasses frames people) nothing that would do my back in…( yes I hear that sign of relief in all of you). The ladies and gentlemen that I met were all very friendly and pleasant. They have a radio on in the office to which (you will all be pleased to know) I abstained from doing karaoke versions of…that may come tomorrow.

I was introduced to John – saying he is the man who does our pays, up faster than a flash of lightening I rose from my chair. “Happy New Year John” shaking of hands and huge beam across my face.”Pleased to meet you”(Ok Jen let go of his hand he’s looking at you weird).

I was sucking up, that’s what you do on your 1st day isn’t it??? 🙂

All in all so far a good 1st day.

So how do you feel after your 1st day in a new job?
Do you come home thinking will I fit in? Is there more to this than meets the eye?
Are they really that nice? How do you know when you complete the day that you really want to return?