To be me

Can I be her for a millisecond just tonight
silent facing wood that doesn’t speak
to humans only to the forest
not to look behind, life echoing responsibility
wheels that churn, wheels that show
no sign of rust and will not seize that easily
this is who you are ~ what you must be
what you must do ~ what then becomes of
m
e
is it reasonable to ask
the one in the middle, the bearer of the
pain I see in others, the brunt of tirades
from the child of my loins
“I don’t understand who she is”
understand
m
e
how life has changed
freedom wanted in little things
nothing more ~ nothing less, I promise
give me the milliseconds of silence that I crave
to intake air, so I can breath
give me the peace of the woods, against a tree
not turning to my left or to my right
or even looking back
just
m
e
sheltered under the canopy

©jmtacken Oct 7 2013

My 630th post

Warrnambool Pub – Anzac Day 25.4.2013

Three old diggers were they heroes or not
I cannot say
Anzac Day in Australia twenty fifth of April just passed
Did they fight in the trenches defending our country or perhaps were they flag bearers for their Unit
Looking closer
They wore medals on smartly pressed suit jackets, hair washed and neatly combed
Celebrated with a Dawn Service
Heads bowed in prayer laid flowered wreaths against stone monuments
Thought of the ones they left behind who did not return home as they did
Thought of those lives they knew and were lost so young

I stood in the bar on my recent vacation and watched these three distinguished old gentlemen
As they sipped their beer
Reminiscing and possibly shed a tear of sadness for the terror that they saw
Or hopefully a laugh with a fellow comrade of a happier moment they recalled
I opened my purse
Telling the bar tender, three beers for the ‘lads’ please and he smiled
He poured three beers and said these are from the young lady and pointed to me
They looked up
One by one they came through the door from the opposite lounge and walked towards me

Thank you they politely said
Thank you
No one has done that for us before
I looked into their tired watery eyes
I looked down at the medals they proudly had pinned
I said you are most welcome
Happy Anzac Day boys and
Thank You

Internal arguments

Pfft

I’ve just had a fight with my daughter.

My daughter whom I cherish, my daughter whom I love like my other daughter

I would gladly give my life for either of my daughters.

She  is 25 year old and lives at home.

It escalated where unkind words were spoken from both of us.

I love her…but she is doing things that are disappointing me, making me angry.

She yelled, I yelled…it was highly confrontational… her boyfriend was here ..he overheard and stormed out of the house

She came out and yelled at me and then left the house

I’m in two minds…grow up my young daughter, please see where I am coming from …to

I don’t care if you say you are ‘different’ and by her reasoning  I should accept that.. I’m sorry I just can’t

Why should there be this conflict? I have given her a roof over her head, helped her out monetarily, supported and been there  since the moment I brought her into this world..

If she were in her own house, I wouldn’t know how she lived, alas I am here as she is, from day to day I see and hear and I’m sorry if I can’t accept…

I love her with every breath I take as I do my other daughter…but she has a different way of wanting to live and forgive me but shouldn’t I ask that she respects what my values are whilst she is under my roof?

Am I asking too much?

She yelled that I was the worst human being she has known…. that is hard to bare…that hit me hard and I write crying.. knowing what I have  done for her..what I do for her still..

I know to attack is the easiest way out…but it hurt…and I am hurt..

I’m not feeling that great at the moment and I needed to write…I know her words were said in anger like mine were but it doesn’t help…it wont resolve what was said or how we mend it

It’s not a normal post…I know.. I’m sorry..I’m just angry and hurt and sad right now that we can’t have the relationship I so desperately want with her…

I don’t think I am asking too much…I want us to be closer… I simply cannot get her to understand how I feel about certain things..and clearly she doesn’t understand me…

I close not knowing what tomorrow shall bring…