Wanting to fit

Greetings everyone. This weeks prompt pic is from Picture it and Write at Ermilia’s Blog here.

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Alexandria waited to come of age, she longed for the day when she could have her first ‘ink’.

Not having many friends throughout her school years, she was timid child and teenager, lacking the self-confidence of other girls her own age,  she so desperately wanted to fit in. Once she commenced college, her aim,  apart from trying to achieve the best possible marks, was the need to be one of the ‘cool’ group and having her unmarked porcelain skin woven with a tapestry of colour, she hoped that this would be her invitation into their fold, that she would be accepted,  that she would be one of them.

Alexandria felt alone, each night crying herself to sleep in the confines of her dark and silent bedroom she dreamt of having the friends she always wanted, but never had.

For when Alexandria looked in the mirror she didn’t see a pretty girl looking back at her, she had nice coloured hair, but she couldn’t see any beauty in her features, she felt herself too thin,  gangly and awkward . Her grades were always excellent, but lacking a social circle made her withdraw into her own small world too often than was healthy.  Her artwork changed that, each one gave her more confidence, each held a story that made her feel prettier than she had every thought she could be, and each more elaborate than the last. She was addicted to them as a heroin addict was addicted to their own brand of needle.

She would lie or sometimes sit crouched over the chair her arms folded in front of her in the Tattoo parlour, her back exposed and she dealt with the pain as the needle pierced her delicate skin for hours at a time, she accepted the redness and the swelling and applying the cream daily as to not let them become infected. She grew accustomed to the sting of the needle and with every one she had,  she wanted more.

Her parents hated them and tried in vain to talk her out of her constant obsession for marking.  There were arguments a plenty,  telling her that people would frown upon her and call her cheap or worse ‘sluttish’ for being branded.  Her mother pleaded constantly,  saying that although she may think that they were beautiful now,  how would she look in sixty years time when her skin started to wrinkle, when the colour faded, would they look so pretty then?

Alexandria knew she was not cheap or sluttish and she also knew this was only her parent’s way of trying to deter her, but she would not be dissuaded. She thought of when she would grow old and how her skin would wrinkle but she knew how proud she was of her markings now and knew as she aged that she would feel the same way. Proud that she was an individual, regardless of what others may say or think about her appearance.

For in her eyes, these are what made her beautiful, they were a stepping stone into a life that she wanted more than anything, to feel attractive, not to be ostracised because of her awkwardness or her timid nature, to have a sense of belonging. She was young and she lived for the here and now.

Yes, Alexandria marched to the beat of her own drum, regardless of her parents opinions. Her markings made her feel special and more alive than she thought possible. She cared not that she was changing herself, this is who she was and wanted to be.

For:   pictureitandwrite2copy-1

Fish out of water

I am not normally this way
I am bright and bubbly
I interact, make others laugh

The last few weeks have changed me
I’m a fish out of water wanting air
bumping into corners

I want to fit in but feel I’m not
feel that a friendship has been lost
why do I feel this way, what can I say

A friendship of many years
is struggling to survive and I don’t
have a fix it button

I feel alienated though perhaps
I am to blame, for my way of thinking
is different, has pride got in the way

I want it mended to heal so I can be me
that others will let me join in
but I’m a fish for now

without a fix it button

My new job – 1st day

Yes my 1st day at my new job…right back into the thick of it. Well, actually no I lie. I woke at 7am and then had 1.5hrs to kill (so of course instead of putting a load of washing on – I checked my emails – only 67 of them from WordPress)….Argh!!

Anywhoo I can see you all waiting with bated breath “So how did it go”?… wait…you aren’t?

Hmm.. ok I shall inform you nonetheless.

It went fine as far as ‘first days’ go. They didn’t throw me into the deep end to answer phones. I had training on glass frames and my lordy it is such a complicated process to make them (ie: don’t ever grizzle again about the cost of them) because some can take up to 8 months to make!.

I sat and ate lunch with the team, I picked some orders (we are talking glasses frames people) nothing that would do my back in…( yes I hear that sign of relief in all of you). The ladies and gentlemen that I met were all very friendly and pleasant. They have a radio on in the office to which (you will all be pleased to know) I abstained from doing karaoke versions of…that may come tomorrow.

I was introduced to John – saying he is the man who does our pays, up faster than a flash of lightening I rose from my chair. “Happy New Year John” shaking of hands and huge beam across my face.”Pleased to meet you”(Ok Jen let go of his hand he’s looking at you weird).

I was sucking up, that’s what you do on your 1st day isn’t it??? 🙂

All in all so far a good 1st day.

So how do you feel after your 1st day in a new job?
Do you come home thinking will I fit in? Is there more to this than meets the eye?
Are they really that nice? How do you know when you complete the day that you really want to return?