Vis Dare Challenge # 9 – Alone

ALONE

I avert my eyes from
looking at you
shedding your tears
that meld with the rain
and hit the ground
I do not cry

There is nothing
you can say
to make this right
leave me to my
musing

I am alone, but I am
strong, just not today
or at this moment

my universe will heal
being without you
shall not let me
linger in this pain
I experience now
I don’t require
your penitence

I need to sit
gather thoughts
to toughen
to block
further weathering
to my heart

trust me
I’m a survivor
no need
to complicate it
any more with
your words

stop saying
you are sorry
I ask you
be silent
like the walls

Stupidity
on my part
assuming we
could be
more than
friends

We can’t
you said
so life goes on
don’t stay
and beg
forgiveness

I won’t remain
anchored
as the monument
I will move on

without you

RULES:

150 words – or less for   anonymouslegacy.blogspot.com.au

A letter behind the mirror

Prose Exercise – Write a story in which a letter is found behind a mirror.
From www.davidrm.com

This is dedicated to  Meditating Mummy’s Blog  loves Pride and Prejudice and all things romantic.

My dearest William,

Forgive me for writing, forgive that I have not found the courage to hand deliver this to you in person at the garden party two weeks ago, where I saw you for the third time.

I have battled with my inner feelings so, moreover the last few weeks and even now as I put pen to paper, I struggle. I know not, even as I write, to summon the courage to give this to you and if I do, how would I do this? For it must be with the utmost discretion.

Each time I see you, my heart does flutter, like the wings of a dove set free, alas, I am not free. Nor shall I ever be.

Like the dove my heart soars, every time I hear the mere mention of your name, or as fortune permits that I see you and it saddens me so that our lives are not intertwined.

My love for you is greater than all the treasures in this earth and yet I am alone, so very alone.

I wish to be unshackled from the life that I have now, that I may walk with you amongst our friends, our heads held high, or perhaps if I may be so bold, in the gardens alone.

I dream of you William, I blush as I tell you this. Modesty, I have none at this time, my thoughts and forgive me, my desire for you, would, in the eyes of others be seemingly wicked and un-lady like, yet they are thoughts I cannot control or keep to myself any longer.

Your fun for life, humours me greatly and something that I sorely miss in mine.

I know that I shall never be free, or that you would even consider the prospect of us ever meeting, but I write this nonetheless.

I ask for exoneration dearest William for taking the liberty of airing my feelings towards you, for I feel that you do not even know of my existence.  There was a glimmer of a smile in my direction, or I hoped that it was for me, a smile that bound my heart to yours.

I must be brave and console myself that you perhaps may feel as I do? Did you see my blushing cheeks as I fanned myself, not from the heat of the warm summer day, but the feelings that rose in me.

Have you noticed me amongst our friends? Though I am a woman spoken for, my relationship is an unhappy one, this is why I present my desires for you, shamelessly and wanton. I ask only one question of you and I pray your answer is the one I am longing to hear.

Will you meet with me my love?

Mary

What more do we want in life?

After a wine or two

Yes I put this as a Category and sometimes I have written after I have imbibed in the demon drink alcoholic beverage.

This evening, yes it is night in my part of the world – its 11.59pm  and ‘my bad’ as I have imbibed.

So forgive me with whatever I manage to type and also forgive any typing errors (though I will do a spell check if I can make sense of the red underlined words) and what springs forth from my brain, for I am not writing consciously  – from the words of someone we all know – ‘for they know not what they do’..in this case I am the ‘they’. Are you confused yet … I am.

EVERYONE has mentioned in one blog or another that Christmas makes them melancholy, think of their life thus far, think of the future..what could have been ..what is to come, or why this time of year makes us reflect on situations more than before.

How overwhelming are our lives? What do we set out to accomplish? We are born..we live…we die, but sometimes this is questioned because we feel there must be something more? Do we appreciated the lives we have?  Are we happy with our mere existence? Should we do more for others than what we perceive is enough?

Let’s face it – none of us want to die. We are happy where we are and to a degree who we are.

BUT do you ever get the ‘there must be something more than this’ thought?

Do we wish to accomplish greater things? Or perhaps we want to leave the world knowing that we have done something spectacular, to be remembered by, to make a difference. Or do we feel like running away?

Is it a matter of I haven’t accomplished a great deal, there are things I need to do, I feel lost, I feel that there has to be more to my life than what I am doing or have done till now.

I think most of my followers are younger than I (or that is the impression I have) and I wonder if they feel as I do now.

I could prattle on till the cows come home (expression) and I wrote this thinking …my life, this is all I have…can I go to my grave knowing that I should have given more..accomplished more.  Is that only for self gratification?

As one gets older as I am doing, these thoughts occur to me more and more. I do not know how much time I have, no one knows, our time on this planet is limited, we cannot turn back the clock.

We are simply beings in a Universe that live our lives day to day, whether we accomplish what we want or are gratified by our mere existence is up to us as individuals.

To make a mark, so that others know you existed ..is that what this post is about? As an example –  writing posts, shall these be remembered in years to come? I think not. I shall be remembered when I am no longer breathing air as a mother, one who tried her utmost to provide, to console, to advise, to love her children. I shall hopefully be remembered by Mr. S and by my family and friends as someone they could rely upon, who brought them laughter, who could write, who was always there for them.

Surely this should be enough? It’s raining outside, through my window I hear the drops hit the pebbles on the ground, it is late,  I am tired and have rambled on enough..Good night to those that have read.