Exciting news…possibly?

Dear Readers,

I haven’t been able to post prolifically as I have done of late as I am a tad under pressure at the moment.

Over the next few days,  well up to my Tuesday of next week at least I will need all your rousing support of  YOU CAN DO THIS!

Yesterday I got a phone call …. yes THE phone call from the F.D Home (the guy that let me see his other 2 Celebrants in action) and yes readers… next Wednesday at 12pm, I will conducting my first Funeral Service.

I can see you all smile..can you see me grimace??

I have my list of questions, it is a phone interview unless this changes tonight and I see the next of kin over the weekend. However there is a little time limit, so I must get everything prepared, gather the information, write-up the service, ritual (if any), find out other speakers all within the next few days.

Now most of you know me – do you think I wasn’t a nervous wreck all yesterday and throughout the night thinking of this… well for those who don’t ~ I was.

So this is what I shall be concentrating on, I maybe able to slip in some prose, but if I don’t or if I am unable to read your posts and comment PLEASE forgive me as this is now taking precedent.

That’s all I wanted to say, just be behind me, telling me I will be fine (which will all be ignored on Wednesday at 11.55am)

 

xx

 

 

 

 

 

Saying Goodbye (Prose)

I am cold, death, silently tapped at my door
your weighted tears drop heavily on my cheeks
my parched lips tried to speak
tried to say ~ don’t cry

I wanted to ~ you know that ~ don’t you?

crazy things swept through my head
I didn’t get to tell you my favourite flower
or the song that meant the world to me
or the poem for my Eulogy

why didn’t I say these things before?

would you have written them down
or thought it silly ~ we were too young
to lock these ‘things’ to memory
important now ~ yet not before

but ~ does it really matter?

today I say goodbye
flowers on my coffin, cremating me with
reverence, I pray I’m not forgotten
my girls are crying ~ be strong

can’t you hear my voice?

one more chance to say how I’ll miss you
death ~ life’s circle coming to an end
conceived, live and die, we cannot pretend
we are immune, my time came to soon

the universe made the call

but, in a way I’m ok with that ~ does that sound
stupid to say those words, it’s you I’ve left
behind to grieve, I watch you in the front row
the crumpled tissues that you use

will you grab each other’s hand?

I listen as you struggle with
words you read out loud ~ be brave
a minute or two and it will pass
I’m with you still, I’m here ~ I am

I’ll try and stop your pain ~ I will

as I lay on satin, in darkness
no longer cold, today my body lies here
but not accompanied by my soul
for that has lifted into clouds

can you spread my ashes far and wide to the ocean that I love?

I’m smiling ~ you can’t see me
the ocean at sunset, my last plea
be happy, my love ~ my girls
I am near you ~ I will never leave

©jmtacken Oct 15 2013

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Apologies for any birds ‘singing’ in the background outside my window.

Funerals

Today I attended a Funeral.

This post will be respectful for the departed.

The Service was for a girlfriend’s mother of mine. This girlfriend and I knew each other when we were little. Our parents knew each other very well. Her mother was German, her father who passed away some years back was Czech. The daughter ‘L’ was an only child.

I picked up my ‘little penguins’ ( Mum & Dad) and we drove to the Service. The clouds had formed, the rain had started and we walked into the front room to see some of their friends and ‘L’s two children, whom I hadn’t seen for possibly 20 years.

‘L’ and her husband ‘C’ were greeting everyone. I hadn’t seen ‘L’ for 8 or so years…we just lost touch as in life we sometimes do.

As we saw each other and walked towards each other …there were no words, her face showed her feelings, her teary and bloodshot eyes were enough…

We hugged and she cried saying “Can’t help it…it still…”

“I know darling, I know” I told her and we hugged tight.

Then it was time for the Service and we took our seats, mum and pop sat next to me.

‘L’s mum was lain in the coffin in front of the room, adorned with beautiful pink roses and a photo of when she was younger.

The Ceremony began and on the large screen in front of us ‘L’s mum and a picture of her were displayed.

A favourite song was played by Marlene Dietrich. I didn’t understand the words as she sung in German, but it was tearful.

Her children then stood up and tried so valiantly to give their Eulogies. The daughter was unable to through grief. Her brother took over and though struggled talked about his ‘Babicka’ or Babi. Czech for Grandmother.

‘L’ couldn’t say words…stand up and tell how she felt about her mother..we all understood… I felt for her…how can anyone in grief talk about their lost loved one..

The Service was conducted by a beautiful woman who read eloquently, elegantly & with feeling..giving this person whom she never knew the respect that she deserved.

Photos of ‘L’s mum then came on the big screen with music playing in the background.

We  were asked to stand for those that were able & recite the Lords Prayer & as we stood & watched & remembered this fine lady with the music of a lilted piano my tears flowed…

Photos of her as a child, photos of her husband, photos of her and ‘L’ and with her granchildren..

The sun then shone…

The Service ended and my ‘little penguins’ were standing to the side of me. I turned and tears were flowing from my Pop & Mum.

“She was a good friend , we knew her for a long time”, my Pop said struggling..

That made me cry even more, I hugged him tight…and wept

Her coffin was wheeled away….

My tears were also for ‘my penguins’… life’s circle is a known it’s when the circle finally joins up is the unknown…..

We went into the front room for a cup of tea and to all take a deep breath… I sat next to a woman I didn’t know who was 99 years young.

She said “You know Funerals have changed so much since I was younger, in those days the Service was at home, the deceased lay in the coffin in the Parlour and after words were said it would just be taken away for the burial..I remember my father had that”.

It took all my strength not to cry again, this elderly woman who has seen so much in her life time,  remembering her father that way..

‘L’s mum is in the Arms of the Angels now…to rest with her husband…

R.I.P Lotte