funny | Ramblings From A Mum

Courtesy jokes.com

Q. How does a woman scare a gynecologist?

A. By becoming a ventriloquist!

Q. Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife’s yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in?

A. The dog, once he’s in, he shuts up!

Classics – Courtesy http://web.maths.unsw.edu.au/~jim/selfref.html

I’m the humblest person I know.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

The workshop on procrastination has been cancelled, as no-one got around to enrolling.

Anyone who visits a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.

We never make misteaks.

87.5% of all statistics are made up.

Here, take this placebo.

The technical term for “being unable to remember the word you want” is, uh …

There are three types of people in the world: those who can count and those who can’t.

The two rules for success are:

1. Never tell them everything you know.

There are 10 types of people: those who understand binary and those who don’t.

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

There should be a rule that we don’t talk about politics.

Credit http://www.gettyimages.com.au

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ?

Courtesy Google and Penguins-world.com

Where do they go?

Wonder no more ! ! !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”
“Freeze a jolly good fellow.”