Leave of Absence Post

From someone who was bored yesterday – to someone who now has a Funeral Service to conduct on Monday 23rd and Tuesday 24th of December. I am in a tail spin with writing.

Actually disregard the 23rd Service – that has just been cancelled as they located another Celebrant 😦

As much as I would love to read and comment on your posts – I cannot and I feel guilty 😦 so I am writing for everyone’s forgiveness and to advise all that I follow that I can’t keep up at the moment, until the Services are written.

I know you will understand – but I have kept up with all of you constantly to date and this is still my intention to do so, just right now…… it’s not possible.

So my apologies for not being able to visit and comment on what you have written – truly.  😦

Mums
xx

Was it my fault? Prose.

 

Transparent solitary tear drop falls
meandering down an opaque cheek
before another grows and spills on
a course not identical yet a twin

Lips moist against the tear that flows
eyes blink a little shake of head
try to dispel the ache the pain
sobs so strong but body weak

Capturing moments of happiness
swirled between weight of pain
steely knife penetrates the heart
my actions callow I did this

Trusted not your love of me
emerald eyes tainted vision
accusations taunting
closed ears to fake apologies

As the vinyl circles
scratched with needle music sour
your lyrics droned
none of them with meaning only rhythm

Cadence of untrusting words
delusional what you screamed
yet lipstick collars marked your trail
of where I had not been

How could I feel the guilty one
casting fault upon myself
whilst knowing that you shared
your love your heart with someone else

~~~~~~~~~

This is a piece I had been working on over at 20 lines a day, a challenge for April that meant us working on the one piece of prose or poetry for the entire month until we were satisfied with it. I am not sure if I am, but I am putting it out there regardless.

Have you ever been a bad bad ‘can I forgive myself’ mummy?

By this I do not mean that you forgot your son/daughters lunch money (though that has happened).

I do not mean you told them that they couldn’t go play with the chicken pox infested kids next door (though I think that has happened also).

Nor do I mean that you told them they couldn’t have Maccas two days in a row (I definitely have told them this).

I mean those little moments when you did something that caused them physical harm and yes could have led to a Hospital visit.

I shall explain… When my youngest was about 5 she suffered a little with Asthma (you don’t need me to do a link) as you all know what that is.

She suffered from coughing more so than the ‘wheezing’ type (thankfully).

One night in mid winter I had put a vaporiser in her room (do I need a link? – no I shall explain) It’s a plastic box that you fill with water and in the container that half immerses into the water and the top stands up off the container..oh hell I’m putting the link clean-vaporizers-800×800.jpg …one of those things.

In the middle of the morning, when not a creature was stirring not even a mouse (no it was Winter..Santa comes in Summer) a cold and very tired  mummy (PLEASE) keep that in mind as you read further, tip-toed into her baby’s room to give her some mummy hugs & cough medicine as she was coughing very badly.

It was dark so I left the light on from the passageway as to not disturb her sleep too much, then carefully poured out the 10ml of cough medicine I had sitting on her bedside table.

“Cough Cough” then louder “Arggghhhh Mum” her beautiful little face screwed up and holding her throat.

“What is it sweety”??

“Tell mummy”?

“You had it before and it was ok”?

“Mummy”, coughing and now tears flowing. “It’s burning”.

I raced to the bedroom light (bugger the sleep) to find that I had given her 10 ml of Eucalyptus oil… yes you guessed it the stuff that goes into the Vaporiser.

PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!

“OMG what did I do, what have I done”???

I raced to the phone and called the Hospital spluttering that I have tried to accidentally kill my child…my baby…with long blonde her to her waist”.

“Calm down take a deep breath, she will be ok” the Nurse on the other end advised.

“Just give her some milk and keep an eye on her for 30 minutes. If you only administered 10ml, the milk will work, she will be ok, trust me” her calming voice replied.

“MILK”? “But surely I have burned her oesophagus,YES …YES it was only 10ml, I didn’t administer it on purpose, it was dark,  I’ve POISONED MY BABY“? (Mummy now crying along with daughter).

http://txfx.net/2005/10/20/in-case-of-poison-ingestion-drink-milk/

“No…no you haven’t, if you’re still worried you can bring her in to be checked out”.

After we had both calmed down (ok after I had calmed down) and had hung up the phone,I looked upon my poor sweet, angelic baby girl and hugged her tight.

“I am sooo sorry, it was an accident” I blubbered.

Pic Courtesy of Google & http://www.sheknows.com

 

 

To this day this story is brought up and strangely we have a laugh..with a slight dig to my ribs…

Have you done anything like this?

Share your story with me (hopefully I’m not the only one that has done this type of thing… surely not… )