Two worlds collide

Patterns are seen through my eyes
through yours, yet yours are different
They cascade like waterfalls, without
the kaleidoscope of colours
weaving through transparent drops

From darkness yours emerge, places that I
know not of, I do not feel your fear
I witness, the anger, bitterness
you who predicate you have drunk
from the poison liquid of my womb

Torn between these worlds
One I knew so well, now do not
Your world so black at times
To you I am the cause
do I know you any more?

The disdain of me or others
when your world closes in
Shall I blame you?
When the waterfall plunges to the
murky abyss, not a clear and soothing pool

Let the particles of the day fall
across my eyelids, when they finally
close tonight, so I may forget the day
To rest, cast off events, the
biting tongues, hatred glares

Let me find solace, in dreams that
may await, until a new morning
spreads it’s golden wings across
my window and hope a new
day brings us peace

copyright JMTacken 26.5.14

always knock twice (Prose)

you knock once

knuckling the wood grain

I stand

chipped enamel scratches

unpainted floorboards

stub my cigarette

hard against the lacquered saucer

it’s mate broken years ago

                ~~

step slow to the door

head tilted view

through curtains of chiffon

to make sure it was you

its been months

since you were here

               ~~

perfumed gin hangs on my breath

I wont stand so close

you are here for just one reason

to take the kid to a circus

trying to make up for

times you never showed

you knock once more

patience

not your strong point

             ~~

“Alright” I yell

“Keep your shirt on”, slurred

I wonder if you’ll notice

my mind flashes back to

better times

how you looked without

a shirt

“Nathan”, I scream

“Your father’s here

Jesus,  are you ready?”

                ~~

I hear you shuffle from

your room, hair not brushed

mud caked jeans from yesterday

t shirt with the coca-cola stain

I forgot to spray

before I washed

“Crap, look at the state of you

can’t you dress in something clean

your dad ‘ill think I’m unfit to

look after you”

                 ~~

“This is what’s clean”

you murmur, head bowed

I long for another sip of gin

“You ready mate”, he asks

as if our yesterdays did not exist

“Perhaps a shopping trip along the way?”

you smile

arms around his shoulders

walking out the door

I watch the car pull away

reach for the bottle

forgetting any future

forgetting  every past

                 ~~

©jmtacken Jan 2014

Photo Credit: Flickr and jcoterhals

I couldn’t find a photo of a little boy with muddy jeans and T, but his little face was too adorable to pass up

and thank you to Brian Miller from WaystationOne for the poke here and there.

Break The Wall (Prose)

break it down for me

the intricacies
you splinter little parts of me
as wood under my skin

disillusioned
casting reasoning to the wind
talk to me ~repair the damage
the ‘kitchen sink’ once again
dragged up ~ the already resolved

counsellors said a waste of time
don’t walk away, I say sorry
yet
I don’t know why
your words angrily whispered
slicing through
breath exhaled

arms flail in the air
the marionette
stringed by an invisible puppeteer
at least spoken words
give a chance
the silence
only lends itself
to confusion ~ doubt

pacing round the room
tension strung like wire
tears I cry watching you
you don’t realise
you’re ignorant to
my ache

our lives
topsy-turvey
both stressed
day to day
reached a T-intersection
both going different ways

we travelled the same road
once ~ now the fork divided
I’ll fight for you
I’ll fight for us
we can make this work
but break it down for me

so I can cease this hurt

©jmtacken Dec 2013

FICTION!

I wrote this some time back and strangely over the last few days of not being around too much, my enthusiasm has waned a little for writing. Perhaps the pressure of writing the Service and another to do for the 30th December, perhaps the Christmas events …and well life taking precedence.

Thank you for all those who commented on my last post (Leave of Absence) I apologise that I haven’t had time to comment individually to you all – but I think you know how grateful I am for you reading & your comments – so thank you.

I know this isn’t a Christmas Spirit piece and I am sure I will get my mo-jo back soon and I shall be writing a post just before Santa arrives.

Mums

Photo Credit: http://www.pinterest.com

Such a fool you are (Prose – Part 1)

throw it my way
the curve ball ~ the unexpected
uncertainty as it leaves your hand
unsure which direction it will take
precariously balanced as if chance governs
a number on the dice rolled across the green
will luck come my way, or do you feel the
lucky one

yet the numbers will not seal your fate
my mouth will
you haven’t heard my phone calls
hand covering the receiver with whispers
that aren’t heard, oblivious to my late night yoga
hell ~ all the classes were running late
how misled are you

so give it your best shot, I itch for the
moment you release me
so I can give you details that shall
make your blood run cold

©jmtacken 19/11/2013

PS – If anyone can tell me how to get the bottom right hand photo of my mug off – please do – I didn’t expect to have this 2nd one pop up!!

How did I love thee (Prose from 3 words)

cough, conflict, control these 3 words have been sent from  Sarah Ann – thank you and I hope that you enjoy.

sitting cross legged on the bed
sheets crumpled underneath
I watch the candle flames
burn their brightness
with the smell of frankincense
I hold you in my arms
I have the control it seems
to do with you as I please and I
cough a little excitedly
for what that means to me

I hold you tight, you don’t resist
lying comforted in my embrace
which is different from the past
few weeks,  when all we did was fight
but now there is no conflict
as I am in control, who would have
thought I’d spike your drink
allowing you to fall
ssshh ~  it will be alright my love
there is nothing you should fear
though now that you paralysed
revenge is near
so let me hold your hand ~ I swear
you won’t feel any pain
just let me heat the knife once more
and slice into your vein

 

©jmtacken Sept 2013

Change a child’s world (Prose from 4 words)

Shaun  from prayingforoneday gave me 4 words (yes he cheated ) 🙂 these are – child – confusion – unaware and woman – this is what I made of them.  If any of you know Shaun’s story, you will be able to relate to what I have written. I had grabbed only ‘parts’ of his history and upbringing to write this.   You can read his story here –
Beatings, drugs and more through the eyes of a child

****************

I didn’t understand
alcohol ~ drugs
women thrown against walls
for men to force themselves upon

I was unaware of crime
weapons that were carried
a favour for a favour
in the world of underground

I was a child and bore the cross of confusion

this was my life ~ unfolding
could I be rescued, before I grew too hard
a life of which I saw no change
only violence and hate

innocence was lost between those days

as I watched my father’s life
witness to the bloodshed
when I had no say till ‘of age’ I
found someone, I finally had a place

my saviour was a woman
a young girl as she was then
whose kindness and comfort
turned my shattered world around

teaching me to love, to
leave the past behind and
I have grown a stronger man
for her being by my side

you may all say ~ a fairy-tale
but for years, she’s stood by me
and I am in a better place
the best that I could be

©jmtacken Sept 2013

I have 2 more pieces to write for my 3 word challenge (or 4) if anyone would like to add, please feel free. I thank you all for the inspiration.

running

entering the darkened woods
casting not a backward glance
she ran
footsteps and laboured breath
in time with hers
he followed

one by one she grasped the trees
fingers bled, ankles grazed
there was no giving up
her screaming cry
broke the moonlight
help me
and still he followed on

her past would not let go
she stumbled in the dark
wolves called inside the mist
silencing her last scream
as it echoed through the trees
and rose to the stars

her heart began to tear
the blade cast in her back
she yelled
FORGIVE ME
blood fell from her mouth
her past no longer
haunted her
haunted him

Mumsy has been busy

Some of you may or may not know that Miriam from Another Wandering Soul  and Life and other Tales and I have started a new site purely for our poetry.

This is a collaboration of two minds, a young, vibrant one from Germany, and a slightly older fuzzy one from Australia.  The site is

http://wordsfromheretothere.wordpress.com

Below are two of the pieces that I wrote in the last few days. I will (apart from photo challenges) be placing my poetry works in this site, so I ask if anyone is interested in reading my work that you pop along over there. Miriam and I do joint pieces (one line each or 1 stanza each) or individual sets and also choose pictures where we write individually and post (without peeking at each others work prior to publishing).

I post these only to show you that I have been writing the last few days, just been a little remiss with ramblings – which I intend to rectify over this weekend. For those that are following us already – we both thank you. To those who haven’t popped in, we look forward to seeing you from time to time, pull up a chair, relax, the wine and cheese are on us 🙂

Courtesy of:      designinstruct.com

PROTECTION  7-6-2013

I shielded myself from your cruelty
the harshness of the elements
weren’t as strong as the
taunts you bandied, fists clenched, angered eyes

sheltered protected, I tried to hide
in recesses of my mind, I sort solitude
and dreamt of open plains where
I was free to run and feel no pain

hold on I said, I told myself a thousand times
buffer the words that you scream
until I broke, my mind collapsed
my parasol too weak to stave your evil

THE LOVE BOAT – 7.6.2013

In love what shifts like sand
friendship – admiration – trust
should we reassess now and then
where we are at; where we head

Bow or stern which way to walk
which direction; for better or worse
as waves tumultuously hit
the foundations of my judgment

Perhaps the middle along the keel
where balanced thoughts are kept
or walk along the bilge persuading
darkened thoughts to dwell submerged

Top deck I could spritely march
tossing away indecisiveness
casting aside my unjust fears
as the winds blow the sails

Was it my fault? Prose.

 

Transparent solitary tear drop falls
meandering down an opaque cheek
before another grows and spills on
a course not identical yet a twin

Lips moist against the tear that flows
eyes blink a little shake of head
try to dispel the ache the pain
sobs so strong but body weak

Capturing moments of happiness
swirled between weight of pain
steely knife penetrates the heart
my actions callow I did this

Trusted not your love of me
emerald eyes tainted vision
accusations taunting
closed ears to fake apologies

As the vinyl circles
scratched with needle music sour
your lyrics droned
none of them with meaning only rhythm

Cadence of untrusting words
delusional what you screamed
yet lipstick collars marked your trail
of where I had not been

How could I feel the guilty one
casting fault upon myself
whilst knowing that you shared
your love your heart with someone else

~~~~~~~~~

This is a piece I had been working on over at 20 lines a day, a challenge for April that meant us working on the one piece of prose or poetry for the entire month until we were satisfied with it. I am not sure if I am, but I am putting it out there regardless.

Was it a friendship?

cut through the mortar
that sets brick upon brick
fragments crumble and fall
the inside confused
self doubting me
left
wondering who I am
how do others see me
their word against
mine
my resilience
lowered
my foundations
rocked
today these words were
sent
There are 1001 things I would like to say but you would never listen to what
I have to say. It always seems to be some else’s fault… Never yours… It’s always
what other people have done … So giving you any sort of critisim is pointless…
I reel and withdraw
is she right
am I wrong
cutting as the mortar blade
her words
penetrate my heart
bring anger
to the surface
from inside my walls of skin
should I scream
“feck you!”
she who cast the
first stone
no friend says this
or do they
confusion
disillusion
of what was
left wondering
is my concrete
strong enough to stand

Combined anger & sadness brought this on today.