Something different from Prose – Just a ramble

I forgot to do a ‘How my weekend was’, mind you I did not have enough to write about.  Friday I spent the day at the penguins and did their weeding for 5 hours, yes my bum cheeks and thighs felt it Saturday.

Saturday afternoon, went to the ‘The Circle’ to watch the fledging mediums strut their stuff, unfortunately no one wanted to talk to me. Sunday? Um Sunday – scratches head – oh yes Sunday in the afternoon went for a demonstration of a Thermomix machine the whizz bang German made cutter, slicer, dicer, scales, cooker, bread & maker everything you can imagine all in one unit that does everything apart from brown the meat. At $2,000.00 a bargain…. no I did not buy one. I hardly cook these days and not working still thought better of it.

Remember the diamond I lost out of my ring, I didn’t have enough Insurance so they only could pay out $1,000 (the diamond was $2000) so sadly instead of putting it towards another gem, I will be using this money to help with the bills etc.

I did see a service last Monday with another Celebrant from the same company as the first one I saw. This one was a gentleman however. It was a bit eerie as the service was held in the same Chapel where Mr. S.’s mum had hers. I watched him ‘do his thing’ and although he spoke quite well, to me he was to business like, there was no emotion in what he said, though he paused at the right moments.

The positive that came out of this was that this time,  I met the owner of the F.D Home. Mal, a lovely elderly gentlemen. He said Liz (the lady I first saw) I know I am testing memories here from previous posts, has been with them for years and she does generic services (I call that lazy). Greg has also been since the company started, so they have to give them priority. BUT  (I know you can’t sentences with but) he said that his niece also did services but didn’t really want to do them anymore, so they have 2, but they could do with 3… and to keep in touch with his son who is now waiting for an appropriate (hopefully smooth sailing) funeral for me to conduct on trial.

So each day I sit and write, and visit the folks – oh yes, sorry,  I haven’t really updated them have I. Dad is doing okay after his 3rd fall. We are off to see the Oncologist next week. We have to wait till the end of Nov for mums Geriatric assessment. We are in the process of getting the medical alerts pendants and also another assessment to how they are coping living in their home.

Pop is feeling weaker though, I went in yesterday and he was asleep at 10 (he wakes at 5) but normally doesn’t sleep till the afternoon. In fact sometimes when I am sitting there during the day he nods off in the chair at the kitchen table. Mum started crying, which got me going and he said he is feeling useless and weak.

Each day as it comes, that’s all I can get through and hope that he is with us for a long time to come.

 

Now just to brighten the mood a little…. Daughter # 2 has a onsey – I tried it on this morning for a giggle, so that you may too. Erm I’m a Unicorn in case you are wondering.

 

 

 

Thoughts, doubts and a little anxiety

We have been home 1 day, I think I have already settled into a routine of sorts, not that I really had one.

I am feeling quite anxious though, in fact I realised it the moment we started our holiday.

Tightness around the chest mainly and feelings of “hell can I do this – I mean really”. No, I’m not talking about the holiday, that part was easy.  As you may or may not know I completed the 2 day Celebrant’s course and have the piece of paper saying that I completed the training and I can perform a funeral ceremony. Though I still have assignments, mainly answering and typing numerous questions to finish, plus having to make 2 DVD’s one with an audience of friends (as I doubt I can pull in anyone off the street for this). One without – don’t ask why I have no idea.

These though painful to do, I shall attempt, if only to gain self confidence in my ability and speaking. My anxiety is purely built around the ‘can I factor’.

There are no second chances when you say you are a Civil Celebrant and get that first call. From the moment you knock on the door of the grieving family to conduct the interview, to having the ability to handle relatives or friends that may stand up to speak, when the immediate family have said no. There will be the moment that I first walk into where the service is being held, not knowing how I will go, will I perform the ceremony with grace and professionalism that a grieving family can and should expect?

I know as with any ‘position’ that we take on in life — the first day is always the worst. Nerves will set in, but unlike sitting behind an office desk and fumbling my way through the day, this I cannot fumble with. I can’t allow nerves to take control, though I m sure my knees will be knocking behind the lectern.

I took on this career change initially, because I felt I was capable, but nerves can be terribly debilitating and even before I have finished the assignments or produced the DVD’s, my knees are knocking at the mere thought of performing something so desperately important as a service for a departed loved one.

Throughout the holiday, when I went to bed I would be rehearsing eulogies in my head.  This may sound strange to everyone, but I could not cease . I talked to Mr. S about it on the 3rd day and he tried to put my mind at ease. It worked for a short while, but the sleeplessness returned and I found myself exhaling deeply to try and get a grip on my anxiety.

I keep running scenarios through my head during the day – a eulogy for a child, for a suicide victim, for a still born baby, a long illness, a murder, an accident. There are so many that will require careful thought process in order to write a service that is fitting.  Perhaps I am jumping the gun a little and letting myself (as us humans do) get worked up prior to even trying.   There are also rituals that can be performed, the lighting of candles, releasing of doves or balloons. Allowing someone to play a musical instrument, placing items of farewell into the casket. Time restraints are also to be considered, a half hour service or longer depending on the amount of those who wish to speak. Knowing when the music or photo tribute is to begin, when to call the speakers up, at what suitable interval.  Not to rush when speaking (as this is what we have a tendency to do when we are nervous). To pause at the right intervals, to allow reflection.

I am not writing this for everyone that follows me to say – I will be fine – honestly I’m not, I’m writing to convince myself more than anything, that I shall be okay, that this is something I can do and by putting my thoughts on paper here, it helps me a little.

Below is a picture I took from our Hotel room in Cairns, I purposely woke at 6.30 to catch the sunrise over the mountain. After this photo I have written an introduction to a service that has been swirling around my head.

If this is something you cannot read I understand, hence putting it after the photo.

The circle of life – we are conceived, we live and we die.

How many of us here today, have thought of what our reactions would be when we are faced with losing someone whom we love and cherish? To encounter a loss of a loved one is devastating and painful and how are we ‘supposed’ to manage, how brave can we be, how do we come to terms with it?

Each one of you will react differently and there is no right or wrong on how you grieve or for how long.

The question of why will be asked, why did he/she have to leave me, my life.

I wish there were answers for you, but there are none.

… played an important role in all your lives and this is proven by each and every one of you being here today, to remember, honour and celebrate his/her life.

Today you will need tissues, you may need the person next to you, a friend a relative or perhaps even a complete stranger to give you comfort, or you them. You will shed tears and do not be afraid to do so. For this is grieving and grief is not rational.  It can be overwhelming, sharp and lingering or it can make you feel numb.

As we look upon the life of … let us share stories and the shedding of tears and by gradually releasing the burden of grief through these memories of happy times and yes sad times, each and every one of you will hopefully draw further strength and solace from one another through this most difficult and painful time.

In the words of Rumi a Sufi poet – the soul flies out from the body at the time of death and lays the body aside like an old piece of clothing.

Dying is akin to a ship that sails and fades off into the horizon, we no longer see them from where we stand with the limit of our sight, but just as they fade from our view, someone will see them from their horizon and we know that their presence is nearer than we could ever imagine.

Be compassionate and understanding with those around you but in particular yourself. The pain of not having … in your life, will in time change and there are no time limits set.

We are grateful for the time we had with … rest often in this stillness and quiet strength as we say goodbye and wish … well on their journey.

Copyright
JMTacken
13.8.2013

A request to my readers

Hello everyone,

This is something I haven’t done before, nor do I intend making a habit of it.
I am putting it out there (for my daughter) as she has signed up over here in Australia for Liptember.
Please see the details below. We SHE would greatly appreciate it, if any one would care to donate anything (large or small) for this cause.

I thank you in advance on behalf of Women’s Mental Health and my daughter #2 who no doubt will be wearing zany colours throughout the month of September!

Psst: If you let me know if you contribute – I shall put your site up on a special thank you blog.
AND my daughter will also thank you.
Mumsy

Hi All,

I have registered for Liptember – Please sponsor me or donate to the cause! Please go to the attached link- thank you SO MUCH!!! 🙂

https://www.liptember.com.au/kayla.tacken

Liptember is committed to raising funds and awareness for gender specific mental health issues for women.

Through a fun, fresh and engaging campaign, Liptember encourages women to openly communicate and familiarise themselves with gender specific mental health issues.

Please share and join to help raise money and awareness for Women’s Mental Health.

The rules are simple. A month is all it takes. Women participating in Liptember must wear the lipstick throughout September at work and when out and about.

Go to the web page: http://www.liptember.com.au/ to see full details.

 

 

Why Mental Health?

• There is little gender specific mental health research applied to women
• More focus needs to be placed on treating men and women separately when it comes to mental health
• Suicide is the biggest single cause of death for Australian women aged 18 to 34
• One in three Australian women will suffer depression or anxiety during their lifetime
• Women are more susceptible to anxiety and depression than men
• Post natal depression affects 15% of women within the first year after childbirth

My day and update on Pop

2 hours of reading and commenting on posts. Time 8.44pm Tuesday night *yawn* tis hard work.
I just wanted to let you know about my day a little and that I am feeling slightly more optomistic about Pop.

The NEPT (non emergency patient transport) picked him up this morning – praise all that is good! They put him on a stretcher,  as apparently if you want the wheelchair transport (you have to supply your own wheelchair) well we don’t have one, so poor dad was laid out and carted away to the ‘facility’ (sounds ominous I know, but it’s a Health Unit which houses elderly and also has specialists and Physiotherapists working there to help the elderly.

His appointment was to last 45 minutes then the NEPT would pick him up after being called by said ‘Facility’ to come and get him, so he finished at 10am and waited like a stale doughnut to be collected at 11.45.

I spoke to him tonight and my first question was.
“So darling what did they tell you”.
“Well you were right they said I have to move more”.
“Hmm that does sound familiar, so Nurse Ginger was correct in telling you to walk to the front door and back as much as you can with your walker”?
“Yes Nurse you were right”.
“I did tell you that if you aren’t moving then your muscles will atrophy and make them like jelly didn’t I”?
“Yes darling you did”.
“And because you aren’t doing that that is why you are struggling so with walking and getting in and out of a chair”.
“Yes, that’s what they told me and I start Physio next week once a week for 10 weeks”.
“Then that is settled, and you will walk tomorrow won’t you Pop and you will do as much as you can, remembering if your body is aching it’s because it isn’t use to the exertion, and if you don’t, you won’t get better and you won’t feel like life is worth living, when in fact it is and I want you around for sooo much longer yet”.
“I shall start tomorrow, Ginger, I will”.
“Good and how is your back”?
“It is feeling better today, probably because you told me to move it more”.
“I think so”, said I smiling over the phone.

So I may be
but this is keeping him motivated.

His trip home was on a stretcher into the ambulance but this time assisted by two young lady paramedics (which I think he enjoyed)

Well done Pop – I am so proud of you. I feel a little more comforted knowing that he will try to keep moving and gain strength.

 

I want to thank everyone for their wonderful and kind support through this time.

To those that suffer pain

For Shaun from http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com

and for all of those who experience pain as part of their every day life.

Days of darkness silent stares
transfixed on rain
through foggy window
wondering if there

shall be a brighter tomorrow
a time without….the need for pills
a brighter year ahead
less painful than the last

thoughts of why
this happens… what brought
suffering to you, I have no explanation
no words of comfort can be sought

but let me say these words
as a friend to a fellow friend
maintain courage..keep up the fight
you will not break…. but only bend

 gather strength from people everywhere
that …. one day your pain will cease
and there will be another chapter
and in that you will find peace

Growing Old

Please

Stop the clock from clicking time
for as long as can be granted
times still need celebrating
and lives are wished to live
without thinking of the imminent
for they have so much more to give

please

let them feel the freedom in their legs
so they may walk as in their prime
without the need of 4 wheeled ‘helpers’
on which they now rely

please

let them bend and lift and stand
and make them strong and able
let them swirl upon the dance floor
in each others arms once more

please

let them pass the day without
the aches and pain
a time table of tablets taken
to ease their suffering

please I plead

let them simply be
as they were when they were young
before the troubles of their age
let them have the days ahead
without feeling so afraid

For my parents – my readers forgive my posts the last couple of days. I need to write at the moment to expel my feelings of pain and frustration out. I thank you for your patience and understanding. Hopefully my father (Pop) will recover from what he is experiencing right now and I shall be in a better frame of mind and my writing will be of lighter content.

Elderly and my Pop

I have previously written posts about my Pop but today I needed to write once more, so forgive me for not having a ‘cheery post’ to submit tonight. I simply need to be able to talk about how I feel.

I am watching my father decline rather rapidly. It is the most heart breaking thing I have had to witness (apart from having to hold my 16 year old dog as the Vet put her to sleep) and anyone who has cared for their elderly parents will know what I am writing about. This.. this is something almost unbearable to face.

He will be 86 in July my dear Pop.  

The last few weeks he has been experiencing so much trouble walking, he struggles to actually raise his leg to place one foot in front of the other. His hands also shake uncontrollably and he is embarrassed to eat in public.

Thankfully they are only a seven minute drive from where we live, so I am visiting as much as I can, helping in whatever way I can. Mum is also struggling with walking but currently she is managing better than what Pop is.

They both are so frustrated with life. The last couple of days I have heard mum say,  “If I could end this I would, I can’t do what I use too, I hate being this way”.  This afternoon around 4pm mum phoned,  just as Mr. S and I were heading out to watch a Movie. The call of help – “Dad had a lie down in bed and he is standing but can’t walk”.

Mr. S. and I drove over immediately. Dad was standing holding onto his walker, his whole body shaking. I gave him some pain killers and helped him onto his chair, his middle back and hip are hurting and he has sciatica symptoms. The issue is that he is not walking or able to exercise and his muscles are seizing up. After making sure he was comfortable (as there was really nothing else I could do to help), we went to the pictures (the whole time me watching Oblivion) thinking of how he was. As soon as it was finished, I went back to see him.

Dad in the Middle

He was standing cleaning his teeth holding onto the basin. I asked him if he wanted to get his pyjamas on so he would be more comfortable. Then I changed him, taking off his glasses, his jumper, undoing his shirt and slipping his pyjama top on carefully and very gingerly. I then took his track suit pants off (sweat pants) and put his PJ pants on.

This gorgeous man, my father, telling me it was all right for me to see his ‘privates’, thankfully no embarrassment from his side and certainly none from mine.

Then I gently rubbed some pain cream into his back and put his dressing gown on before helping him back to his chair.
He sat there shaking his head, feeling so depressed about how he had become, how he felt that life was not worth living anymore. This is the hard part, watching the man that you have idolised since you could remember feel that their life no longer holds any purpose.  I gave him a sedative, which I told him to take 20 minutes before he went to bed to help him get through the night without pain, I turned down his bed and placed a pillow for him to put his legs on. I gave him a drink of water. I watched as mum put her arms around him and stroked his white hair with tears in her eyes saying “We are here for you”. It is so hard to be strong in front of them, I turned my head not to show my tears. He replied “My girls”.

I have tried to talk them into moving into an Aged Care facility, but mum unfortunately is being a little stubborn and refuses to move anywhere.  Granted uprooting yourself from your family home at their age is a difficult proposition. I worry constantly about how they are coping and I feel guilty that I am not there 24 hours a day to help and support them. My life is now centred on being there for them whenever I can, this is what a child should do, as our parents age, we are the ones who then have to nurture them,  as they did for us all those years.

I wrote a card for Pop some time back and he must have misplaced it and I found it on his bed head this afternoon. I wrote what I thought of him as a father as a man as an individual. This soft spoken caring human being who has never said a wrong word about anyone in his life, who has always tried to be there for everyone is now in need of my help. He said  “I read your card Ginger” (my nickname) you have a way of making a grown man cry”.  I just hugged him and tears came to both of us. I sat in front of him and told him I know how frustrated he must be feeling and that he has to think that now he is in this stage of his life that he is limited with what he is able to do. I told him not to get depressed about his situation or mums, but to try each day to simply do what they can and what they aren’t able to do, I am there to do.

I fully understand why the elderly want to pass from the earth plain, to obtain relief from their suffering, from the embarrassment that they feel of no longer being fit and able without requiring or asking for help.  It’s humiliating for them. For so very long the mere thought of either of my parents passing has made me almost physically ill. No one wants this, no one wants to say goodbye to those that they love. Now though I understand, when I watch them, barely able to walk or in pain, now I understand…it terrifies me beyond belief,  this is something I hide in the back of my mind wishing for it to go away, to bring me back the parents that I had, for their sake not for mine. Sadly I know this will not happen and they will decline further and all I can do as their daughter is to be there.

We can say they have a ‘good innings’ but that does not bring me comfort.

If I could be by their side all day to help them I would, but as I am working now it is an impossibility. Tomorrow morning I am going over to do the weeding and mow the lawns and just be with my mum and dad.

Oh my darling Pop I wish that you weren’t facing this part of your life as you are, knowing that you were once able bodied, I understand how this must be tearing you apart inside.

I love you, I adore you, I am so proud of you and I am here for you……..your Ginger. xxx

Wanting to fit

Greetings everyone. This weeks prompt pic is from Picture it and Write at Ermilia’s Blog here.

Alexandria waited to come of age, she longed for the day when she could have her first ‘ink’.

Not having many friends throughout her school years, she was timid child and teenager, lacking the self-confidence of other girls her own age,  she so desperately wanted to fit in. Once she commenced college, her aim,  apart from trying to achieve the best possible marks, was the need to be one of the ‘cool’ group and having her unmarked porcelain skin woven with a tapestry of colour, she hoped that this would be her invitation into their fold, that she would be accepted,  that she would be one of them.

Alexandria felt alone, each night crying herself to sleep in the confines of her dark and silent bedroom she dreamt of having the friends she always wanted, but never had.

For when Alexandria looked in the mirror she didn’t see a pretty girl looking back at her, she had nice coloured hair, but she couldn’t see any beauty in her features, she felt herself too thin,  gangly and awkward . Her grades were always excellent, but lacking a social circle made her withdraw into her own small world too often than was healthy.  Her artwork changed that, each one gave her more confidence, each held a story that made her feel prettier than she had every thought she could be, and each more elaborate than the last. She was addicted to them as a heroin addict was addicted to their own brand of needle.

She would lie or sometimes sit crouched over the chair her arms folded in front of her in the Tattoo parlour, her back exposed and she dealt with the pain as the needle pierced her delicate skin for hours at a time, she accepted the redness and the swelling and applying the cream daily as to not let them become infected. She grew accustomed to the sting of the needle and with every one she had,  she wanted more.

Her parents hated them and tried in vain to talk her out of her constant obsession for marking.  There were arguments a plenty,  telling her that people would frown upon her and call her cheap or worse ‘sluttish’ for being branded.  Her mother pleaded constantly,  saying that although she may think that they were beautiful now,  how would she look in sixty years time when her skin started to wrinkle, when the colour faded, would they look so pretty then?

Alexandria knew she was not cheap or sluttish and she also knew this was only her parent’s way of trying to deter her, but she would not be dissuaded. She thought of when she would grow old and how her skin would wrinkle but she knew how proud she was of her markings now and knew as she aged that she would feel the same way. Proud that she was an individual, regardless of what others may say or think about her appearance.

For in her eyes, these are what made her beautiful, they were a stepping stone into a life that she wanted more than anything, to feel attractive, not to be ostracised because of her awkwardness or her timid nature, to have a sense of belonging. She was young and she lived for the here and now.

Yes, Alexandria marched to the beat of her own drum, regardless of her parents opinions. Her markings made her feel special and more alive than she thought possible. She cared not that she was changing herself, this is who she was and wanted to be.

For:   

The spirit side session # 2

Tonight was my 2nd visit to the Circle, though after our meditation had finished instead of being in a circle, to hear from those that connected with spirt side, we lined our chairs in a row.

I did not get the purple third eye vision as strongly and in fact (I was willing it not to happen) to see what would occur. As soon as Carol reached the part of inviting our spirit guide into our Aura, the purple appeared, but only very faintly.  My girlfriend once again connected, as did everyone that stood up.

The session was running slightly overtime it was 9.40 when Carol (Head Medium) asked me if I wanted to get up, before I knew it I was. Bearing in mind this was only my second visit, I stood in front of the group. My mind was blank, I stood there like a dumb bunny, I can honestly say that I stood there thinking  ‘for *bleeps* sake Jen think of someone, anyone, anything’. Carol asked male or female energy. I blurted female. She asked vibration (sister,grandparents etc) I blurted Auntie, passed with breast cancer and 2 children. Then all I could ‘see’ was blonde hair, but I didn’t say anything. Carol then stood next to me.

From what I was told prior to standing up (from the lady next to me) who has been doing this for some time, is that Carol also picks up on what we see/hear and if you’re ‘spinning a tale’ (to be polite) she will know.  Now at this stage before Carol intervened, I had 3 people that connected with Auntie passing from breast cancer. When I said 2 children it got down to one. I said 2 girls, he said no a boy and a girl.

Carol said I see the letter P – the daughter was called Paige. She said I see a postman or something to do with letters, the Auntie was married to a postman. I was still standing there with my left leg shaking uncontrollably for some reason. Nerves don’t usually get the better of me in front of an audience, but I couldn’t stop it.

Carol asked me if I had anything else. I said all I saw was blonde hair and then blankets entered by head. This gentleman who is very olive skinned said his Aunt’s hair was blonde. The blankets? His partner said last night they were tossing on and off blankets all night..

Make of it what you will, I am still confused and second guess myself… but to have 8 ‘items’ for want of better terminology…can that be a coincidence?

Till next week

Believe it or not.

 

 

 

 

 

Letter to my new Employer (warning does contain explicit language) a little…

Dear Prospective Employer who ever you may be,

I would like to submit this letter to give you a little insight into what I seek for my next position of employment. Having been given the arse the sack…been (in my eyes) wrongfully dismissed from my previous employ, I hope you will not be offended if I explete profanities now and then, for at the time of writing this, I have had pretty much a gut-full.

No,  shit,  sorry that came out wrong, as gut-full may imply that I have been imbibing in the demon drink and as strange as this may sound too you (not that you know me) I haven’t, which if you did know me, you would think rather odd.

In fact can I ask you to hold on a sec as I’m going to get one and then my gut-full may make more sense. So if you could take a short break in the reading of my application I would appreciate it.

You see to tell you the truth I’m pretty much fed up with the total office environment. I am, god forbid, no longer (not that I ever was) a Gen Y. In fact as I am not obliged to tell you my age in my submission I will withhold that information,  but let us say I am between 55 and 58 years young. If you smiled I am glad, that was my intent, however moving on here; this is OLD according to some prospective Employers.

Our lot have passed our use by date, in being able to contribute anything worthwhile to the workforce. Well what the fuck feck is that all about? Just because our memories are not what they use to be and we have a few character lines, does not mean we are over the hill or are completely bloody useless.
May I give you point form to properly explain myself?

• I am clearly not over the hill or 6′ under it therefore I am worthy of being employed.
• I do not want to be in an environment with all females as we all now it ends up a bitch fest.
• I do not want to keep my mouth closed if I feel something is being handled incorrectly.
• I do want to be able to voice my opinion without being  sacked downtrodden because of it.
• I am a hard and conscientious worker (hell even my last Manager told me that just before I was sacked).
• I at one stage ran my own business, so yes I do not what customer service is about, how to answer a bloody phone call and use a computer. Please don’t ask for Excel spread sheets utilising multiple formulas or Powerpoint or anything to heavy in Word as I’m a little fragile in those areas.
• I am not on medication for dementia, depression, ADHD, schizophrenia or even headaches.
• I shower daily and don’t have an old persons smell (though that may come, depending on how long I am in your employ).
• I am past the child baring age, so I won’t be walking in with a huge grin on my face, holding my stomach and blurting “Guess what” and having to look at your pained expression of “Oh God Maternity Leave”.
• I have travelled (though yes I would like to do more) let me say for this Resume I am tweeking it a little, but I’m not going to stay with you for 4 months only to then tell you I’m leaving  you stranded for a 12 month European vacation.
• I do have a vice of smoking, however I do not ‘smell’ enough to reek and cause other staff members to run from the room holding a tissue over their nose. I do not require 24 breaks during my work day to light up, one or two is sufficient. This I know you would completely understand.
• I enjoy a drink (socially only of course) which reminds me this one is finished..be back. That being the case I do not carry a hip flask at all times and you will not find me under my desk slurring my words propped up against the back wall.
• I do not use any walking aid ie wheelchair that would require the help of Gen Y to push me to my desk or to the toilet.
• I do not wear hearing aids, so I do not need batteries replenished throughout my working day, or those to yell at a higher decibel level than normal.
• I do wear glasses whilst using a computer, but I do remember where I leave them.
• I do not get sick. Stop laughing. I have had the common cold twice in my entire life. Therefore I will not be taking endless sick days because of ‘gastro’, I stubbed my big toe, I have a migraine or I just didn’t want to work today.

Concluding because by now I feel you have had enough, well let me tell you something so have I!I want a change a sea-change, a life-change, a different course in my life to work out my years till I can retire. I am over pettiness in the work place, family businesses that refuse to let outsiders ‘in’.

Over the bullshit, the crap, the smiling sweet to those I cannot stomach., hearing ‘back in my day’ or how old did you say you were???

• I possibly have some anger management issues that I should deal with.

Looking forward to you favourable response at your earliest (ie one round of interviews is enough, if you can’t make up your mind the first time, then you are wasting my time…and I am old remember!!)

Yours Sincerely,

Rambly