I’m so tired today

Sleeping is not coming naturally to me of late, in fact  it hasn’t for quite some time. Yes, I’ve tried the warm milk before bed, the reading a book till you face plant the page and no bright lights. Nothing seems to work however. I’ve also tried going to bed late and early or a glass of wine all to no avail. I have also tried every (well practically) known herbal tranquilliser on the market and also prescription and non prescription from the chemists – they work but I’m trying not to get the addicted thing happening.

I went to bed last night book in hand and read till hmm let me see probably 10pm, I yawned, I squirmed and the pages got heavier to flip, so off went the dim bed-side light and down I snuggled.

I was still trying to snuggle and drift into slumber at 12.30 – 1.15 and 2.30am. I must off drifted off for an hour or so as my mobile phone chorused out its wake up alarm at 6.15.

So I am bleary eyed now, but still I write, because I needed to, as I sat at work today (shoosh please don’t tell the boss) I asked myself the questions how often should one blog? Is there a limit? Can I prattle about anything that may for all intense purposes a little bit interesting to others? Do I just blog for the sake of blogging? Many questions invade my normally rational head-space and why the hell am I making it so complicated?

Tsk tsk see this is what happens when I’m tired..

**My Memoir The Empty Nest A Mother’s Hidden Grief is now available through Lulu and Amazon (J M Kadane)**

Did someone make you smile today?

Something simple but lovely.

Walking around the supermarket with trolley in hand, an elderly couple commented on the laced up ankle boots I was wearing.

“Where did you get those? They are lovely and they suit you so much and you have the right ‘pins’ to wear them”. I couldn’t stop smiling, how gracious, how out of the blue, how nice to pass a compliment to a total stranger.. So I say thank you whoever you were for taking the time out of your day to make me smile 🙂

 **My Memoir The Empty Nest A Mother’s Hidden Grief is now available through Amazon and Lulu (J M Kadane)**

First Time Mum

Some time back I wrote a short story which was accepted and published in a book of collective stories from new mums.

Some of us have pets before we ‘replace’ them with children. That was the case for us, Ash our Golden Retriever was the baby in our family, but things soon changed after the first pregnancy test, which incidentally proved negative. Three weeks later, as my boobs were continuing to feel sore and no sign of a period, I took another and this one read positive. I phoned my doctor for the first available appointment. Yes positive, I was approximately 10 weeks pregnant; baby would be due in March. I was elated when I found out. It was a thrilling feeling, similar to setting foot on your first roller coaster ride. Unlike the ride where you could disembark, there was no getting off this one, and knowing that I was now nurturing a human being inside of me was both a joyous and terrifying thought.   

Stay tuned..

**My Memoir The Empty Nest A Mother’s Hidden Grief is now available through Lulu and Amazon (J M Kadane)**

Heart Melt

Yesterday after posting my Blogs, I thought should I pretty up my Blog Site? Maybe a touch of colour here and there, but I didn’t start doing this to have photos of me adorning the pages (god perish the thought) and do I have any other photos that would be of interest to any one else apart from myself, my friends or family. The answer would be probably not. I started this because I enjoy writing, it’s the words I want to share not much else.

Thoughts out loud: – This morning I bought some DVD’s for my parents my father Joe who just turned 85 who is Czech and my mum 83 years young who was born in England. One of the DVD’s was songs from Vera Lynn and Gracie Fields, all those warm fuzzy songs that got them through the war period and kept there spirits high. For any one who knows any of these songs one “The White Cliffs of Dover” brings a tear to many an eye (similar to Danny Boy). Mum was a trained singer in her youth and bless her can still hold a tune. I watched the DVD with them whilst both of them sung along to the tunes.  Mums voice went croaky (as I had my back to them) I turned around to see that she was crying, then I looked at dad and he was also. “It just brings back so many memories” they both said. I gave them both a hug. I didn’t buy it to make them cry, but I guess their emotions were predictable.

Then the Andrew Sisters came on singing their famous ‘Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy’, dad stood up rather wobbly (as he is now) and asked mum to dance. Mum had a bad fall last year and also being 83 has lost her confidence and her ability to do many things now. However up she got and held dads hand although as unsteady on her feet as he was and he swayed back and forth a little with her. Oh for my video recorder at that time, a sweet and special moment that tugged at my heart. I can imagine what went through their minds as they held hands, times gone by, the dance halls they went to not long after meeting perhaps. After so many years of being together they still have each other and the memories..oh so many memories..

**My Memoir The Empty Nest A Mother’s Hidden Grief is now available on Amazon and Lulu.(J M Kadane)**