Havin a chat – Legs – Chapter 2

So here I am again. I do hope for the whole 11 readers of Chapter 1 that I didn’t shock you too much.

Today students we move on from feet to legs. Let me show you an example (as I did with the feet in chapter 1). The below BELIEVE IT NOT we’re how my legs looked.


Now at the age of 60 ..not so much.

Naturally skin has thinned, think about tissue paper and you’ll get the idea. One slight knock, no matter how small or light will more than likely cause a bruise. I think of pops hands and how bruised they are… That can be my legs. Sooooo I am very careful walking around furniture, stepping out of the shower, or doing anything where I may knock myself.

Then of course we have the gravity issue, what normally was up sadly must go down. When I taught aerobics many moons ago, my thighs actually didn’t meet…you know where. I thought I was the ants pants, as that was THE look. Now after hibernating for winter, comfort eating, this little wombats thighs have reintroduced themselves. To be honest though they have been that way for a while now and they have decided to take the plunge southward.

Again I SIGH.

Next are the knee caps, same deal, skin that once was taut, now folds over, similar to my bottom lip when I look at them.

The final part of this ever enthralling chapter is hair. Oh yes the bane of all women. When I was younger out came the soap ( yes soap because back then I believed shaving cream was just for men) even though I was shaving…derr. Gradually I learnt women can also use shaving cream or gel and I was quietly thrilled.

After many years of shaving, I decided to try waxing. Buying wax strips, or pots of wax that was microwave heated, the pain and mess would begin. Wipe on..wipe off. Too complicated, too fiddly…NEXT?!

Out came the Eepilady. A small little electrical unit, that has quite a few inbuilt tweezers. Now at first go, it feels as it sounds, lots of little tweezers pulling out the hair by the roots. After the initial swearing it isn’t that bad. From bikini line (there’s LOTS of swearing and face pulling there) to the ankles, I zip away. The good thing about this form of hair removal is that the hair grows sparser and comes through finer, so after years of  subjecting myself to the agony, I don’t wear the mohair stockings, nor do I have to contemplate the lawnmower.

Speaking of stockings, if only I could wear them every day, as they work wonders keeping all the wobbly bits in place. Thankfully, I only have a few small veins, but nothing too worrying, something has to go right…right?

Now I’m not quite sure if the bum should be in this chapter, or the next, I don’t have a lot to tell about my derriere. It’s probably the same as most, though many years back when I was painting our kitchen ceiling and standing on a stool, I missed my footing to get to the bench and fell fair square on my right cheek (bottom that is) . This resulted in a huge bruise and weirdly enough after time a dint, think moon crater.

Thankfully I was able to get this fixed down the track. That will be in my next chapter,  I have to keep you in suspense and wanting more….somehow.

Keep on loofering ladies !

Shopping expedition continued (Men followers you may retreat)

Hello everyone.

I have had a reasonably good response to my shopping expedition post  and for that ladies I thank you (courtesy’s graciously). This has prompted me to rant about the following:-

Sadly I would like to be as clever on the computer as http://www.irishkatie.wordpress.com  🙂  but alas I am not, therefore I can’t put up a vote block unfortunately to get opinions, so in my usual rant and rave style I shall blog.

For the mature women out there who are of ‘normal’ sizing (which in Australian standards is anything from a 10 to a 14) we need help!

Is there any manufacturer out there who would lay their reputation on the line to produce clothing for women in our age bracket  say 45 upwards that:-

1stly isn’t outrageously expensive.

2ndly doesn’t make us look like we have purchased from Rays tent City &

3rdly is modern and stylish

Though there is a list a mile long of designers/manufacturers when we venture into the copious amount of clothing stores at shopping centres, there is what we say ‘slim pickings’.  We stroll through the racks and shelves heading towards a colour that catches our eye only to look at the price tag and sigh in disbelief.

Our top designers Carla Zampatti, Alex Perry and the like design the haute couture line – would they be game enough to design for us? We unfortunately aren’t the Miranda Kerrs or Gretchen Gazelle (oh that we were) of this world and cannot don any article of clothing and make it or us look fantastic. 

We are normal and we have ISSUES.

Arms – being untoned.  Legs – being slightly veiny . Tummys – slightly or more than slightly protruding. Hips – larger than we would like and thighs – see hips.

The answer may be simple – Arms, Legs –  cover up with pants or long skirts (this suggestion is feasible).

Tummy, hips and thighs – wear floating material that doesn’t cling to your body parts (also feasible).

HOWEVER May I enlighten you – Us ladies of  more mature standing (crap ok – old) would like to still look stylish without having to pay an exorbitant amount to do so. So many items out there for the ‘youngens’ that with a little thought could also be carried off by us. I’m not talking the so short your bottom is visible, or so low-cut your navel can be seen, or side cut away jobs where on the young the waist is defined, on us our muffin tops hang out like half empty balloons.

All we ask for is for someone to be on our side, nothing more, nothing less. Fashion that is reasonably priced, with patterns/prints that don’t require the wearing of sunglasses to to wear and that caters for our ‘ idiosyncrasies’ .

I for one want to look stylish, I buy clothes that suit my body type, when I can find them that is, and not what the fashion trend dictates, however it seems to be getting harder and harder to find such suitable attire.

So unless in the thickness of an Australian summer we are forced to wear long skirts, or pants, or long sleeves, gaudy patterns or outfits resembling a marquee we are left with not much else to choose from, unless of course we pay ‘Top $” for it. Just give me a nice pair of wide waist band (to cover muffin-tops) linen pants with a wide leg and a nice summer shirt  which doesn’t cost an arm and a leg **sorry I chuckled when I wrote that* – am I asking too much?

Too much to ask? Am I being unreasonable? I shall leave it to my readers.