Courtesy of Author Richard Glover
Just a few words that should exist…but don’t
Avoiddance – The process of stepping sharply to the left & then the left again & then back down the street, when you want to avoid someone at the shops
Bellwilderment – The moment of communal panic when a mobile phone rings & everyone assumes it’s theirs
Brietentious – Descriptive of a person who shows off about cheese
Cadamite – A woman whose always attracted to the worst bloke in the room
Catasonic – The speed at which a cat moves after you tread on it’s tail
Cellulights – The especially harsh lights found in changing rooms designed to prove you must cover your body at all times
Confidont – A friend who blurts all your secrets
Dudmentia – A woman’s ability to forget how rotten all her past boyfriends turned out to be, so as to be able to fall in love with the next
Eespondent – The disappointment that follows when you discover all 20 emails have the subject line “Do you want a bigger Penis”?
Feng Shooey – The ancient male practice of abandoning at least one pair of shoes in every room in the house, in order to maximise his own energy flow
Fridgebit – Food that contains no calories by virtue of being eaten straight from the fridge, while standing with the door of the fridge still open and the light spilling out
Lollycoddle – During a long drive, to mollify children in the back seat of a car by throwing them regular supplies of junk food
Shyatus – The painful gap in conversation at a dinner party before the wine’s kicked in
Slobstacle – A person who just sits there as you try and sweep or vacuum around their feet
Tanti-climax – The bit when the toddler throws themselves face forward in the supermarket floor & holds their breath
Verboaster – A person who always uses a complicated & pretentious word when a simple one will suffice
and finally….
Weenertia – The moment in the morning when you can’t get out of bed, even though you urgently need a wee
Ramblings From A Mum 