milk | Ramblings From A Mum

Milk and eggs

This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:

A wife asks her husband,

“Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk,

And if they have avocados, get 6.”

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, “Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?”

He replied, “They had avocados.”

(If you’re female, I’m sure you’re going back to read it again! Males will get it the first time.)

How to make a Christmas Cake??

1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1 bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit.

Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to make sure the Vodka is still OK. Try another cup just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a time trying to count it. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver Sample the Vodka to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the Vodka. Now shit shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the Vodka and wipe the counter with the cat .

Google & http://www.news.com.au

By this I do not mean that you forgot your son/daughters lunch money (though that has happened).

I do not mean you told them that they couldn’t go play with the chicken pox infested kids next door (though I think that has happened also).

Nor do I mean that you told them they couldn’t have Maccas two days in a row (I definitely have told them this).

I mean those little moments when you did something that caused them physical harm and yes could have led to a Hospital visit.

I shall explain… When my youngest was about 5 she suffered a little with Asthma (you don’t need me to do a link) as you all know what that is.

She suffered from coughing more so than the ‘wheezing’ type (thankfully).

One night in mid winter I had put a vaporiser in her room (do I need a link? – no I shall explain) It’s a plastic box that you fill with water and in the container that half immerses into the water and the top stands up off the container..oh hell I’m putting the link clean-vaporizers-800×800.jpg …one of those things.

In the middle of the morning, when not a creature was stirring not even a mouse (no it was Winter..Santa comes in Summer) a cold and very tired mummy (PLEASE) keep that in mind as you read further, tip-toed into her baby’s room to give her some mummy hugs & cough medicine as she was coughing very badly.

It was dark so I left the light on from the passageway as to not disturb her sleep too much, then carefully poured out the 10ml of cough medicine I had sitting on her bedside table.

“Cough Cough” then louder “Arggghhhh Mum” her beautiful little face screwed up and holding her throat.

“What is it sweety”??

“Tell mummy”?

“You had it before and it was ok”?

“Mummy”, coughing and now tears flowing. “It’s burning”.

I raced to the bedroom light (bugger the sleep) to find that I had given her 10 ml of Eucalyptus oil… yes you guessed it the stuff that goes into the Vaporiser.

PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!

“OMG what did I do, what have I done”???

I raced to the phone and called the Hospital spluttering that I have tried to accidentally kill my child…my baby…with long blonde her to her waist”.

“Calm down take a deep breath, she will be ok” the Nurse on the other end advised.

“Just give her some milk and keep an eye on her for 30 minutes. If you only administered 10ml, the milk will work, she will be ok, trust me” her calming voice replied.

“MILK”? “But surely I have burned her oesophagus,YES …YES it was only 10ml, I didn’t administer it on purpose, it was dark, I’ve POISONED MY BABY“? (Mummy now crying along with daughter).

http://txfx.net/2005/10/20/in-case-of-poison-ingestion-drink-milk/

“No…no you haven’t, if you’re still worried you can bring her in to be checked out”.

After we had both calmed down (ok after I had calmed down) and had hung up the phone,I looked upon my poor sweet, angelic baby girl and hugged her tight.

“I am sooo sorry, it was an accident” I blubbered.