Apologies

I need to get something off my chest.

I struggle.

When I 1st started blogging, not knowing if in fact people would follow me, or more to the point I would follow anyone, I didn’t know how much I would be consumed.…ok I was a Virgin Blogger. We have all been there.

I have found the last few days (okay possibly longer) that I am struggling to keep up with reading and answering every post that people publish. I NOW realise when I was off work and I was totally consumed by writing to fill my day, that I bombarded everybody’s mailbox. How they must have felt – ‘Oh dear won’t she just shut up’?

I apologise for the amount that I posted….it is draining. Should we just delete the ones we have no interest in, or out of courtesy read everything that our virtual friends have written?

As I haven’t been on line for pretty much the entire weekend, I am faced with 50 emails from posts of the people that I follow.

I am a Cancerian and I am also possibly…slightly obsessive. I need to tell you all that I have the ‘guilts’ – I have the guilts when I can’t keep up. I am not spinning a tale, this is the truth, I feel SO bad if I cannot comment on every post from everyone that I follow.

It takes me a minimum of 3 hours to read every post, then to post a reply. Since I commenced last year, with every person that I followed, I have committed myself to read and respond.  If you feel that isn’t the case I apologise, but I have honestly tried to ‘keep up’ I came on WP to write, but I find myself of late reading more than I write.

I AM TRYING to respond in a reasonable amount of time, I am. I just need to let you all know that if I don’t answer immediately, I will eventually.

I wrote about blog etiquette and I am slipping myself in following through with what I believe are the rules and regulations of being a good blogger. There MUST be respect and acknowledgment. It is not about having people read what you write and hit the blessed ‘like’ button and move on. It’s about being involved with the writer, establishing a rapport, getting to know that person that you follow.

Otherwise this is plainly BS…sorry but that is how I feel.

I started writing because I enjoy writing. I did not start a WP site for praise. I am astounded by those that have followed me ( I am sure some of my followers don’t even read what I write – they do not care) but I DO CARE. I am involved with what you write and who you are and I need to tell you that I shall, when I can, read what you have written and reply. If I don’t then it’s simply a case of I haven’t the time or to be blatantly blunt a particular post you have written has not caught my interest enough to comment, or I have so many to reply too I have to CHOOSE.

Even in saying that I feel harsh… but I am saying it how it is, so forgive me.

I am here to write and then to respond, I will try my utmost to acknowledge the posts that you write, but for the moment I am feeling a little overwhelmed…

I want to be a respectful and caring blogger.. a person who isn’t here merely for stats and likes and a pat on the back.

I can only say don’t feel harshly towards me..I am but human.

Rambly is home

On the 23/4/2013 I wrote a post that I was having/needing a break from the blog world.
I felt as if I was in a maelstrom with my reading, commenting and writing over the past month. Combined with the worry of being out of work, losing the friendship of a close girlfriend and then commencing the part time job, I felt I was circling the drain, not being able to hold onto the sides and saw my self about to slither down the plug hole.

I have returned from my interlude feeling more optimistic than what I was last week. I realised in my self-imposed need to be the perfect follower and blogger by reading, commenting and writing as much as possible,  that in fact I was putting undue pressure on myself.

LIGHT BULB MOMENT!

My slightly addictive personality got the better of me, I was becoming all encompassed and consumed by my writing. However in saying that,  I am my own worst enemy and I continued, when all that was required was to take a step or two back, take a breath, centre myself and re-evaluate.

I needed to be pulled in another direction for a little while. Life does get like that occasionally, I am sure you have all experienced it in one form or another, where you feel events are getting on top of you and there comes a time/need to refocus.

The ‘obsession’ may very well take hold of me once again as the days pass and I shall possibly fall back into the sink staring once more at the plug hole, but this time I shall be holding onto the edges!  I felt I had to write for every challenge site with a photo or word prompt, every Haiku prompt every flash fiction and though I enjoyed them immensely, I think I was asking too much of myself.

This however may change a little as a couple of you made comment, I had to remember why I started this blog journey, it was my love of writing, my thirst to explore different avenues in what and how I wrote, my unstoppable quest, I did not believe for one moment that it would cause any anxiety and that all that was required was for me to once in a while ‘chill’.

I must THANK EVERYONE who was kind enough to leave a message on my post, wishing me well with my hiatus. I was quite taken back with the response from everyone. You care and I am so grateful that you do and I appreciate each and every one of you for showing concern.

All of you have been so generous with your support and I will continue to support you as much as I can, for as I have previously mentioned, if we do not support each other, then why are we doing this?

I laughed at my stats – (oh yes we all check them from time to time) and, as I wrote on my last post they did plummet to 13 views a day, which was to be expected. You don’t write, no one will read. You don’t comment on other posts, yours won’t be commented on either.

Blogging is a two way street,  do we continue to write posts day after day, week after week because we do not wish to have any feed-back, critique or kind words spoken? No, my friends I think not,  this is a community that we all share and how nice is it be acknowledged? For someone to tell you how much they loved what you wrote, or how they made you laugh, or cried, were helped or inspired in some way by what you have written. This is why we blog – this is why we place our otherwise private thoughts our lives into a public domain (otherwise we may as well keep a secret journal and be done with it).

I am honoured and I appreciate all of you.

I missed my blogging community, I missed my ‘virtual’ friends.

xx

Internal arguments

Pfft

I’ve just had a fight with my daughter.

My daughter whom I cherish, my daughter whom I love like my other daughter

I would gladly give my life for either of my daughters.

She  is 25 year old and lives at home.

It escalated where unkind words were spoken from both of us.

I love her…but she is doing things that are disappointing me, making me angry.

She yelled, I yelled…it was highly confrontational… her boyfriend was here ..he overheard and stormed out of the house

She came out and yelled at me and then left the house

I’m in two minds…grow up my young daughter, please see where I am coming from …to

I don’t care if you say you are ‘different’ and by her reasoning  I should accept that.. I’m sorry I just can’t

Why should there be this conflict? I have given her a roof over her head, helped her out monetarily, supported and been there  since the moment I brought her into this world..

If she were in her own house, I wouldn’t know how she lived, alas I am here as she is, from day to day I see and hear and I’m sorry if I can’t accept…

I love her with every breath I take as I do my other daughter…but she has a different way of wanting to live and forgive me but shouldn’t I ask that she respects what my values are whilst she is under my roof?

Am I asking too much?

She yelled that I was the worst human being she has known…. that is hard to bare…that hit me hard and I write crying.. knowing what I have  done for her..what I do for her still..

I know to attack is the easiest way out…but it hurt…and I am hurt..

I’m not feeling that great at the moment and I needed to write…I know her words were said in anger like mine were but it doesn’t help…it wont resolve what was said or how we mend it

It’s not a normal post…I know.. I’m sorry..I’m just angry and hurt and sad right now that we can’t have the relationship I so desperately want with her…

I don’t think I am asking too much…I want us to be closer… I simply cannot get her to understand how I feel about certain things..and clearly she doesn’t understand me…

I close not knowing what tomorrow shall bring…

1,816 Visitors- Thank you WordPress

What can I say?

Whoever thought when I started this humble little blog site through WORDPRESS that I would have accumulated so many people reading my gibberish?? I for one certainly did not.

I have raved and ranted and dribbled for the last three and a bit months about not necessarily the most exciting or thought provoking topics on this planet since I started at the end of July and did not think that I would even have 1 follower, 1 like, or 1 comment,  but I have over that time, learnt that’s what a blog site is all about.

You can be but a singular voice amongst a casts of thousands.

So many sites about life, fears, phobias, photography, personal hardship, personal goals…such an array of works… everyone sharing their lives in the open for all to see.

Through this I have found an affinity with so many people.

If it wasn’t for your site I would never have met or known of people around this world and for that I express my gratitude.

So this Post/Blog is to say THANK YOU WORDPRESS for giving people like me a simple suburban woman living in Australia who lives a pretty much normal existence the power of speech… an outlet to be able to say what her thoughts are, publicise whatever is on her mind at any particular moment of the day or night.

I have met and made friends (though only in the ‘virtual world’)  because of this. People actually care and comment about what I have written ( at least I think they do) and through your site you have made it possible to read, absorb and learn from so many others that contribute to it.

Yes there are sites that have had thousands of visitors and thousands of followers…but I am content with whom have liked, commented and followed my little site of ramblings. I get to share my emotions, my photos, my thoughts with people around the world whom I shall probably never meet and to me that is PRICELESS. I treasure everyone who visits me, everyone who comments, everyone who follows. I did not start this site to have a thousand followers. This site is not about vanity. This site is being able to share with people in the hope that you may connect with them…not a numbers game.

Hopefully I can continue being able to reply to everyone’s comments as I feel that they are all special for taking the time out of their busy lives to follow me and comment on what I have written.

They have all made me laugh or shed a tear and be in awe of their writing skills.

There are SO many talented people in this world, and through your site you have made it possible to see them in an otherwise unknown realm.

I do not write this for adoration or to be recognised. I write this because I feel that you have allowed me to be who I am. You have never met me I am a number or a name logged into your site..nothing more nothing less..but you have opened doors. You have by way of having this site have allowed me to meet amazing people and read posts from people unknown to me…and because of that I feel I am part of their lives be it ever so small.

So I end saying Thank You WordPress for having the insight to allow people to write what they may, share what they will and in doing so meet new friends and enjoy others in this ‘virtual world of ours’.

Picture courtesy of Google (if it remains that is!)