Rambly – I am what I am tonight

Tonight there is a gnawing in my stomach
a mini marathon ran exhausted
everything seems a little too much ~ close the walls around my grey cells
I do not wish to think ~ I am not myself tonight
children of adult age bear grievances
do not speak ~ lack of love ~ sibling annoyances
horses at the barriers ~ the gate may open ~ but they choose to hold
and not accept themselves ~ both running the same race only
in different directions
parents ageing taking on their pain ~ watching memory wash away
life slipping by ~ a battle that cannot be won
witnessing struggles beyond my ability to help
having my father say “I don’t want to leave you”
can I explain how that rips me apart
earning my keep nine hours spent with whispers that are seen
unwelcome ~ try as I may will this change yet I think
is it me not them
matters to attend to ~ what energy I possess will not
allow what has to be done
friendship lost for reasons unknown
hard to question why
day of not having to think ~ or help ~ or question ~ or ask
or plead ~ or cry ~ or vent ~ or whinge ~ or try to mend ~ or try
to heal ~ or feel sadness ~ or wish there were answers to  ~ to have
no dramas
this is all I ask
I am known as ‘the organiser’ something needs doing
turn to me
tonight I do not wish this anymore
being a mother – giving all I ever could ~ yet sometimes
I feel not appreciated ~ should I ask that I am
I suffer not from illness ~ depression ~ or physical pain
yet when did I lose myself and why
do I feel this way ~ maybe just today
hopefully just today
I look at life through different eyes
I write this not for sympathy
or comments to stay strong
this is how I am right now
tomorrow I hope will be
different

Friday Fictioneers – March 1st prompt Moving Mountains

This challenge (100 words) proudly brought by rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com
and Friday Fictioneers. This is a toughie, so a deep breath, a shake of the head and off I go!

“Ray,  honestly mate do you think it will run? I mean look at it?”
“Ronnie..you doubting his..our ability here?”
“Hell, no man, but take a look at it..surely…”.
“Trust me he knows what he’s doing, just hasn’t had the glorified touches is all”.
Ronnie shook his head, picked up his can of beer.
“Listen mate, you know the old saying love can move mountains“?
“Yeah”.
“Well didn’t we build this together, because we had fun doin’ it ?”
“Yeah but still…”
“It will move mate,” Ronnie grinned, pointing, cross those mountains over there”.

Open for critique and telling me “what a load of cods” 🙂

Deep River

theinnerwildkat.wordpress.com

Posted

Living Life Passionately

Please look at her site if you haven’t already.

I thought the line that she used so beautiful …it inspired this

I’m often a deep river
playing at being a rippling brook
my reverie unheard by others
the sound on stones

thrown across the water
mine and mine alone

you cannot see

the depth of me
or know how I feel

for words that may appear
simple may
have far greater meaning than what
you read…

a rippling brook continues
over stones
our stones
could be hurdles

there is more to me than what
I write
so much more than
words

contrast… unsure of how
the world will perceive

unknowing
self doubt
as to.. if I’m real

I spew forth words that come into my head

I spew forth words

that come into my head

incongruous to inner thoughts

words that I struggle with

or capable of

displaying

shallow perhaps

unlike

an abyss

babbling kindred

to a brook

not expressing

that become holes in 

my narrative

I spew forth words that

come into my head

wanting 

to bear richer fruit

grafted vine upon the vine

shades

cast by trees in the sun

tone

for inspiration an opus

interest

to paint a picture

impression

footprints in the sand

I spew forth

words the come into my head

but I am learning

unremitting

like fine

raindrops that fall from the sky

before the storm

in my quest

for the compelling

ramblingsfromamum 29.12.2012

Encouraged by Susan L Daniels to whom I am grateful for reaching into myself and how I write.