Havin a Chat ~ Chapter 5 ~ Shoulders and up – The End for now

So here we are, so much going on in this little area isn’t there?

The shoulders. I don’t know about everyone else but I think my shoulders are one of my better assets and if you have been reading Chapters 1-4 there isn’t much that I have raved about on this aging body of mine.

My shoulders don’t have lines that’s a bonus!

I do love to wear boat neck tops, ie those tops that go straight across the top of your boobs, so that you see your shoulders. They give women a certain Je Ne Se Qua. From there the majority of it ..well goes downhill a little.

Ok the turkey..I mean my neck, being created, I didn’t think I was going to end up as poultry.

Again the corrigated iron, just a different angle. I mean it’s mainly in the middle section, I guess it’s because I use my vocal chords a lot? I’ll stick with that. It’s fine if I walk around and never put my chin down, but sometimes in life you just have to look up.

Then we proceed upwards but veer off a little to the sides, ears. Another part of my anatomy that I wanted to hide from the world when I was a teenager, right up to my ffff..fffforties, then I just said stuff it. You see one ear, my right to be exact is slightly more protruding than my left, the bane of my younger years. That’s probably when my youngest K was born and she looked like a miniature dumbo that I had her ears surgically pinned back, she wasn’t going to suffer what I did, no sir-ee.

BUT as I said, when I hit my forties, I cast all fear aside and started to wear hairstyles where my ears showed (I know how brave of me) or how stupid I was. Ears don’t wrinkle ..jot that down.

OK back around to the mouth, what can you say about a mouth as you age, other than your lips becoming drier? Again moisturiser – sorry lip balm. The other issue of around the mouth are lines, yes I have them. We all have them and the good news is they won’t change, they will get worse. That’s what happens when you smile too much, or talk too much, so think carefully from now on in.

Up we go to the nose, my nose is a nose, not crooked, bent, too big, too small, it’s a nose and I don’t think it has changed in the 60 years, so hopefully yours won’t either.

Bare with me we are getting there, the cheeks, mine have pretty much stayed the same. I mean they haven’t moved….much, they don’t have lines, so not much report on cheeks.

Eyes oh the eyes, yes let’s hear it for the lines at the corners, the lines underneath, the fallen parts on the top. Eyeshadow now has to placed just so, in fact I learnt a tip whilst getting my professional makeup for my daughters B’s wedding.

As we age women (unless any of my male readers wear it of course) your eyeshadow should be from the outerlid to the centre, not all across anymore. It’s surprising how this opens your eyes up and hell knows as the skin starts to droop we need as much opening as we can get!

Eyelashes, the only thing I can say is that they loose their natural ability to curl when applying mascara. They say use an eyelash curler, that’s fine if you can see well enough to put the bloody contraption on.

Eyebrows, I’m not happy with mine, or what there is. Back in my teenage stupid years, it was the ‘in thing’ to pluck them, thing is us little group didn’t stop plucking, so that now instead of the ends being level against the line of my nose, they are quite a few millimetres in..ie missing, little did I know they weren’t going to grow back!  So unlike my ear bravery, I will not ..not have a fringe (bangs) as I need to cover them as much as possible.

Forehead..it’s a forehead, I have a reasonably permanent small frown line in the middle, that’s an age thing but for different reasons.

Hair, many styles, many colours over the years, of course the sparkly bits come through, but nothing a hairdressers appointment won’t fix.

Overall the jowls are saggier, I’m one of many who look in the mirror and hold the skin back to see how I used to look, same with the eyes.

You have seen the photo before, see how my fringe is trying to cover my eyebrows, the hair whisping over the ear. My head up at the right angle as to not show the iron?

In closing what can I say, us women who age have it lucky, we have moisturisers, face creams, loofahs, stockings to hold our flabby bits in, scarves to wrap around our necks. We have nail polishes to cover up unslightly nails. We have mascaras, eyeshadows  eyeliners, eyebrow pencils. You want it? In 2015 we have it.

I have contemplated face lifts but noooo.

I couldn’t bring myself to have Botox, as I’m scared of needles.

Many saying come to mind – It is what it is, beauty is only skin deep, there are many.

No one likes the aging process, all we can do is to embrace it the best way we know how. The years we have been here, the experiences we have lived through, tells through our skin.

I know more wrinkles will come, I’ll be covering up more parts of my body when they do. We can hide ourselves away, we can laugh about the process, for the time being I’ve chosen to do the latter.

Thank you for reading.

xx

Havin a Chat – Part 4 ~ The hands and arms drama

Lets just get straight into it, no faffing around.

Finger nails, thankfully no ffffff, infections on mine. My toe could learn a thing or too.

My nails are in quite good nick still (there is a God!) they grow quite quickly, possibly too quickly, though they aren’t as white as they once were.

I don’t have manicures  (or pedicures) I don’t know why, probably no pedicures, as I’m embarrassed to show my feet/toe.

Manicures? I have no excuses. I had one as I was going out somewhere very special one evening and I had a voucher given to me so I had a French manicure. I paint my own nails, I’m not a woman who goes to get gell, shellac or whatever else they do in those salons with the lady’s covered in a face mask.

The amount of little germs that must swarm around those places, sorry if anyone goes to them, anyway I digress (as I do). My fingers are reasonably long too. I know I should have been a concert pianist. I have one one small bump on one finger, ahh arthritis, yes that’s another thing you cop as you age. It can be extremely painful and I can feel when it starts to come on and can’t move my finger till it passes 😩 I should be taken aspirin everyday, but again..shoulda woulda theory.

I haven’t been a ‘must wear rubber glove’ kinda gal either, hot soapy water or using steel wool, painting, you name it bare hands, so perhaps that’s why I have non retractable skin on the back of them?

Arms needing more moisturiser, note to self. I’m hopeless in the moisturising department, but this summer I plan to be good

Elbows, what can I say they are the knees of the arms, the skin starting to fold over.

Upper arms…I’ll put an OMG here! As. I have as others may say “You’re arms are fine’ I don’t believe them!

I will only wear a singlet top of out walking, as no one will get too close. The front part of my arms I guess are still holding up, but when I have my arms at a certain angle…well I have mentioned corrigated iron before, so I’ll mention it again. Mainly when I bend my elbow a certain way, I can’t even bare to look at it.

I’VE GOT MY MUM ARMS!!!! ARGGHHHHH!!

Okay I feel slightly better now.

Next Chapter neck and face, I thank you for reading.

Havin a chat – Part 3 Bums and Tums

Are you ready? Of course you are ~ its Part 3!

Thank you to those who have read 1 & 2 and for your honesty and sense of humour.

Again I lay myself bare, or possibly not as I would all like you to get through your day without feeling queezy.

So as you may recall boys and girls we are talking bums and tums.

I did have for many years a tummy bulge, but not where one would think. My bulge was more on the top part of my tummy, around my ribs. I remember as a self conscious teenager always folding my arms in front of me. Around 20 years ago I decided I wanted a flat tummy, by hook or by crook and as I have written previously (In a really early post) I had a tummy tuck. I can go into all the details of how it went, if anyone is REALLY interested, but it may make you 😴😴 let’s just say it worked for many years, I wore tighter skirts and pants, without having to wear looser tops to cover and my skin didn’t squeeze up and over like a tube of toothpaste.

Sadly over the last few years, even though I was a gym junkie for 3 of those years going 6 times per week, I’ve been slack. We all get slack and as a result my tummy now is.

As with the legs, the skin is losing its tone, firmness and looking decidedly more floppy. 😩

Now as far as the bum is concerned, the dint that I had on my right cheek (that I mentioned in # 2) was ‘fixed’ during the tummy tuck, by flipping me over (sooo happy I wasn’t awake for this process) and filling it, again I could go into details of how but again😴😴 and because I still walk, I guess my derrière is reasonable for my age, in fact many say I don’t have one, but jeans cover a multitude of sins.

Speaking of jeans, half the battle to disguise your battle of the bulge is in the fit. Too low the toothpaste sits on the top, mid waist, you’re squashing the toothpaste in half, high rise well the toothpaste is now under your boobs. 😟

So thanks for reading and your next instalment will be hands and arms, leaving of course the best till last the neck and face!

Havin a chat – Legs – Chapter 2

So here I am again. I do hope for the whole 11 readers of Chapter 1 that I didn’t shock you too much.

Today students we move on from feet to legs. Let me show you an example (as I did with the feet in chapter 1). The below BELIEVE IT NOT we’re how my legs looked.

Now at the age of 60 ..not so much.

Naturally skin has thinned, think about tissue paper and you’ll get the idea. One slight knock, no matter how small or light will more than likely cause a bruise. I think of pops hands and how bruised they are… That can be my legs. Sooooo I am very careful walking around furniture, stepping out of the shower, or doing anything where I may knock myself.

Then of course we have the gravity issue, what normally was up sadly must go down. When I taught aerobics many moons ago, my thighs actually didn’t meet…you know where. I thought I was the ants pants, as that was THE look. Now after hibernating for winter, comfort eating, this little wombats thighs have reintroduced themselves. To be honest though they have been that way for a while now and they have decided to take the plunge southward.

Again I SIGH.

Next are the knee caps, same deal, skin that once was taut, now folds over, similar to my bottom lip when I look at them.

The final part of this ever enthralling chapter is hair. Oh yes the bane of all women. When I was younger out came the soap ( yes soap because back then I believed shaving cream was just for men) even though I was shaving…derr. Gradually I learnt women can also use shaving cream or gel and I was quietly thrilled.

After many years of shaving, I decided to try waxing. Buying wax strips, or pots of wax that was microwave heated, the pain and mess would begin. Wipe on..wipe off. Too complicated, too fiddly…NEXT?!

Out came the Eepilady. A small little electrical unit, that has quite a few inbuilt tweezers. Now at first go, it feels as it sounds, lots of little tweezers pulling out the hair by the roots. After the initial swearing it isn’t that bad. From bikini line (there’s LOTS of swearing and face pulling there) to the ankles, I zip away. The good thing about this form of hair removal is that the hair grows sparser and comes through finer, so after years of  subjecting myself to the agony, I don’t wear the mohair stockings, nor do I have to contemplate the lawnmower.

Speaking of stockings, if only I could wear them every day, as they work wonders keeping all the wobbly bits in place. Thankfully, I only have a few small veins, but nothing too worrying, something has to go right…right?

Now I’m not quite sure if the bum should be in this chapter, or the next, I don’t have a lot to tell about my derriere. It’s probably the same as most, though many years back when I was painting our kitchen ceiling and standing on a stool, I missed my footing to get to the bench and fell fair square on my right cheek (bottom that is) . This resulted in a huge bruise and weirdly enough after time a dint, think moon crater.

Thankfully I was able to get this fixed down the track. That will be in my next chapter,  I have to keep you in suspense and wanting more….somehow.

Keep on loofering ladies !

Are you Macho or a Metrosexual kinda guy and some eye candy for the ladies.

So this is for the men folk… for all you SNAGS out there (are you still called SNAGS?)  You know –  Sensitive New Age Guys…oh no
wait you are now Metrosexuals aren’t you?  Ah yes has the Macho Neanderthal beer swilling man that us women grew to know and love have now possibly faded into oblivion, to be replaced with one who spends longer in front of the bathroom mirror than what we do.

How many of you men are into facial creams? You know the ones that Mc.Dreamy  (Greys Anatomy) Patrick Dempsey advertises                        (ok I need a moment)

In fact I can’t for the life of me remember WHAT he advertises as I’m too busy drooling. Where was I? Oh yes,  nowadays as the world progresses (sometimes for the better) you menfolk have much more variety to slap on your faces than the standard 4711  or Brut (hands up who remembers them) but I’m not taking aftershave. I am talking Male Rejuvenating Products.

In fact this should be your regime : facials, moisturizer (morning), moisturizer (evening), face wash (morning), face wash (evening), serum, toner, eye cream, exfoliating scrub, mask.  ‘Ha’ I hear you laugh, I’m a bloke (Aussie for male)  “I don’t need any of that stuff, give me a bar of Imperial Leather and I’ll do just nicely thank you”.

I wish I didn’t put the pic of Patrick up there, I keep scrolling back up.

Seriously though do you use any of the new products on the market? Are you roped in by advertisements and promises of a new and younger looking you?  Or are you embarrassed about using facial products? Do you think in fact they would make a difference? I wish I had the answer. I don’t see the harm in slathering a bit of moisturiser on you skin. I mean you shave – you have bristles, you have skin that is constantly being subjected to shaving cream, brushes, razors, the harsh environment. Your skin does dry out, so I say (if you aren’t already) give it a try. As far as eye creams that firm..hmmm tipping they won’t do much (but don’t let me stop you from trying) also an exfoliating brush to remove dead skin cells (yes sounds revolting, but you have them as much as we do).

I just wonder what Charlie boy who once said “I look like a quarry someone has dynamited”..would have ever muttered the words “Give me some of that exfoliating scrub”.

or would this one have drawled “Come on punk make my day and hand me over the serum”.

or…yes I had to do it…this one saying “I’ll be back – for my moisturiser”.

So there you have it menfolk, the choice is yours. No longer will you have to hide dried out faces, or droopy eye skin or heaven forbid dead skin cells for there are miracles out there in a bottle  (or squeezy pack)  just waiting for you to spend your mega bucks on. I am sure you are relieved to know that now you not only have ‘product’ for your hair but you can ‘zhush’ your face as well.

Let’s face it us women go through childbirth, we slap all sorts of goo on us to try and make us look young again, we shave, we pluck, we laser, we colour our hair, I’m sure if you try really hard you can force your self into that Department Store for a lotion or potion that may in fact make your skin feel as soft as a babies bottom (without losing any of your masculinity).

So what say you my gentlemen readers…are you a slather kinda guy?

and that was my 450th post – thank you linesmen thank you ball-boys

Wanting to fit

Greetings everyone. This weeks prompt pic is from Picture it and Write at Ermilia’s Blog here.

Alexandria waited to come of age, she longed for the day when she could have her first ‘ink’.

Not having many friends throughout her school years, she was timid child and teenager, lacking the self-confidence of other girls her own age,  she so desperately wanted to fit in. Once she commenced college, her aim,  apart from trying to achieve the best possible marks, was the need to be one of the ‘cool’ group and having her unmarked porcelain skin woven with a tapestry of colour, she hoped that this would be her invitation into their fold, that she would be accepted,  that she would be one of them.

Alexandria felt alone, each night crying herself to sleep in the confines of her dark and silent bedroom she dreamt of having the friends she always wanted, but never had.

For when Alexandria looked in the mirror she didn’t see a pretty girl looking back at her, she had nice coloured hair, but she couldn’t see any beauty in her features, she felt herself too thin,  gangly and awkward . Her grades were always excellent, but lacking a social circle made her withdraw into her own small world too often than was healthy.  Her artwork changed that, each one gave her more confidence, each held a story that made her feel prettier than she had every thought she could be, and each more elaborate than the last. She was addicted to them as a heroin addict was addicted to their own brand of needle.

She would lie or sometimes sit crouched over the chair her arms folded in front of her in the Tattoo parlour, her back exposed and she dealt with the pain as the needle pierced her delicate skin for hours at a time, she accepted the redness and the swelling and applying the cream daily as to not let them become infected. She grew accustomed to the sting of the needle and with every one she had,  she wanted more.

Her parents hated them and tried in vain to talk her out of her constant obsession for marking.  There were arguments a plenty,  telling her that people would frown upon her and call her cheap or worse ‘sluttish’ for being branded.  Her mother pleaded constantly,  saying that although she may think that they were beautiful now,  how would she look in sixty years time when her skin started to wrinkle, when the colour faded, would they look so pretty then?

Alexandria knew she was not cheap or sluttish and she also knew this was only her parent’s way of trying to deter her, but she would not be dissuaded. She thought of when she would grow old and how her skin would wrinkle but she knew how proud she was of her markings now and knew as she aged that she would feel the same way. Proud that she was an individual, regardless of what others may say or think about her appearance.

For in her eyes, these are what made her beautiful, they were a stepping stone into a life that she wanted more than anything, to feel attractive, not to be ostracised because of her awkwardness or her timid nature, to have a sense of belonging. She was young and she lived for the here and now.

Yes, Alexandria marched to the beat of her own drum, regardless of her parents opinions. Her markings made her feel special and more alive than she thought possible. She cared not that she was changing herself, this is who she was and wanted to be.

For:   

Studio 30 – Haiku Body Want

Introducing a new site that I have joined,  so please come on over and take a peek.
2 Prompts given by Studio 30  Trickle Down or Taboo.

I have done some Haiku verses ( 3 lines – 1st line 5 syllables, 2nd line 7, 3rd line 5) incorporating both words… oh yes aren’t I the ‘smarty-pants’  (insert Aussie humour)

Drips trickle down skin
seductive wetness breath fast
senses lust alive

taboo or not want
sipping lips drinking of mouths
your skin against mine

soft hands caressing
eyes staring to mine holding
captured in your spell

forgetting lost time
fold your limbs around my limbs
pleasure and desires

grasp grip squeeze bite
animalistic penchant
sweat heat lips engage

tongues lick salty skin
trickles down loves aftermath
sated sleepy peace

Poison

Poison invades my veins
I’m in your bed, my skin hurts

are you my poison, I refuse to
believe, I clamber to my feet

I take aboard your lies, touch my face
all is forgiven the poison that entered

is forgotten

caress my skin say how you love me
you are the boy that is my lover

I ingest what you tell me, pretend
it’s me that you love

there is no anti-venom

A Blagh Day

Here I am again

Today was a blagh day.. is there such a word? Yes there is (in my vocabulary at any rate)

• A day where I truly did not want go into work.
• A day when I really didn’t need the driver behind me beeping his horn when I was stopped at traffic lights and knew I couldn’t move anyway. For him to then sit right on my ……. I’ll leave the dots up to your imagination (I’m trying to be polite here) all the way down the road and then duck and weave causing others to slam on their brakes. Not a Gen Y, but an elderly gentlemen  ‘bloke’ (Aussie term) who thought he would make my morning drive to work the morning from hell.
• A day when after a weekend of heavy socialising I stupidly got on the scales and uttered those 3 letters OMG.
• A day when I came home utterly exhausted and burst into tears because I had to.
• A day when I just felt blagh with every minuscule moment that passed.
• A day when I noticed bruises and don’t remember how or when I got them.
• A day when I realised I haven’t taken my Krill or Aspirin for a few days.

So that’s been my day.

I hope tomorrow is better.

As I went for my walk at lunch time this came into my head

Where did you come from oh jiggly arms and tum?

Jiggly as I pound the pavement my arms and tum and bum

Wrinkle lines upon my face

Wrinkly lines such a disgrace

Good riddance I say to you all

Bring back the me I used to know

Nah who am I kidding that will never be

This is you, who you are now, the younger one you’ll never see

Stop rhyming as you walk this road

Can’t you stop for just a minute the thoughts within your head

Pfft so what if you have jiggly bits and wrinkles

At least you are not dead

That because it was a blagh day… The End

Courtesy Google and style.uk.msn.com

Who Am I – Part 3

Surgery

I remember putting on t-shirts and immediately would throw them off again, as they clung way too much around my stomach or my back. Now the task of getting dressed each day isn’t quite a chore, due to the up keep of exercise but also choosing clothes that now fit my body shape. Thank god for the invention of stretchy light material that just flows and doesn’t necessarily suck to your body shape!

Many years back I did venture into the world of plastic surgery. I was sick and tired of my protruding pot tummy. (Hmm it was many years back, as I glance down to see it has returned over the last few years). Whenever I stood in conversation with someone, I’d fold my arms in front of me to disguise what I thought was unsightly. I wasn’t what you would call ‘big bellied’ but I was always so self-conscious about it (high rib cage perhaps). For anyone who hasn’t had a tummy tuck there are obviously risks involved and a great deal to think through, however l was very happy with the results.

There is the pain of the scar akin to caesarean scarring I would imagine, (though I have never had one so am not an authority) the bruising from the lipo-suction combined with the general uncomfortable stage after any major operation but at the time l took the plunge into the world of cosmetic surgery, l was extremely happy with the outcome. Now that I have ‘advanced in years’ and have noticed that my skin has loosened I am happy to report that so far I can still wear jeans without elasticized waistbands (though some days l wish l did). When I shop for summer tops I steer towards those with a little or cap sleeve to cover up the under arm skin, it’s wobbly and continues to wave even if my arm has. (Is anyone nodding?)

My hair that use to be shoulder length is now in a Vidal Sassoon original style Pixie cut , it took some while to get use to but it’s so much easier to maintain (and don’t they say us women should opt for the shorter styles as we get older anyway? They do say when one is older one shouldn’t go long (again what l have read) maybe length provides an optical illusion to disguise the drooping jowls? I visit the hairdresser for my colour/foils mainly to cover the few grey hairs that have sprouted on my head. I pluck the odd facial hair (yes some are even black) and notice a little fine down (sounds like a doona filling) along my jaw line. I don’t wear eye shadow that much anymore and if I do I am very careful not to be too heavy handed, as it now ‘falls’ into the creases and folds of my eyelids.

I’ve never been a huge water drinker, but of late drink more as my mouth and lips tend to dry more quickly. I use a magnifying mirror now when putting on my make up, especially eyeliner or mascara. I had always wondered why older women would sometimes have remnants of mascara on or underneath their eyes, or have crooked eyeliner applied. The reason was simply because like me, their eyesight was failing and if we can’t view this up closely, we simply don’t see it. I take Omega 3, Magnesium, Glucosamine  (when I remember) to try and banish the aches and pains of my old bones and help restore the memory. l realize how funny that sounded taking pills to help my memory, but then l forget to take them.

I am and always have been a sun lover, (hands up people of my generation, I’m not the only one) now of course we are more aware of skin cancer, but my years of continual exposure skin drowned in baby or cooking oil meant my skin has started to show signs of being more weather beaten. I don’t have skin like a horse saddle but lf l had been more cautious of the sun l would not have developed some Actinic Keratosis (or in laymen’s terms –small dry patches of raised skin and small age-spots).

Speaking of my memory some days are better than others- short term i.e one day not so bad, long term – well just give me a minute or several to think. My girls got to the stage of writing things down for me or sticking notes on the fridge of what they were doing, where they were going etc so I wouldn’t have to keep asking them continually.  The menopause hurdle was the next to cross over. It started just before my 50^th birthday.  Some women breeze through without even realising they have had it, whereas others that I know are still putting up with it some ten plus years on.

I had the insomnia, the flushes (mainly at night when I was longing to sleep) and alas the change in body shape. For 5 years or so years this continued, then the flushes stopped. Then low and behold out of nowhere (after almost a year of being absent) the flushes came back as did the insomnia. Oh joy I hear you say (presuming of course you are not a male reading this).

My body has been lived in for 57 years – my body has changed, and is there a funny or bright side to all of this? Well I’m still here, still breathing so that’s a bonus! Maybe I should embrace growing old gracefully after all…I’ll work on it.