Moon (Prose)

have you seen the moon cry
on a summers night
she weeps her luminous tears
‘cross the darkness

as we sleep, her tears
move oceans, she cannot speak
we cannot ask, we have our own
sadness, cloistered in our world
we think not of others pain

her teardrops from watching
her planet below
her oceans forever rise
though perhaps not as
significant, ours are spilt
too silently, along with hers

©jmtacken Feb 2014

For some reason my IPad decided to publish this (under stars) before I had completed it..so now I try again (under Moon)..sorry.

Goodbye my friend for Rachel her young daughter & her friends on WP

as the soft winds blow across the shamrocks
as the salt spray vanishes ‘cross the Irish seas
~ a breath last drawn, somewhere in our world
the insidious hands of a cruel disease
grasping at your loveliness your beauty and your strength
and if I had a four leaf clover, I’d wish for your return

you prayed for its release, we prayed alongside with you
and if hands weren’t clasped, you were in our thoughts
to the Universe; for though I’d never met you
a door was opened to my heart, you let the soft Irish wind
touch my soul, with your words and smiles

a life sorely missed, by your family and by us all
one moment you were with us ~ the other you were gone
we miss the friendship that you gave, the happiness you shared
your ‘lists’ and ‘nods’ and humour ~ life will never be the same

our darling Katie ~ the Irish lass who we all loved
our hearts will remember you, as you watch from up above
I thank you for being you, the gentleness of a friend
I met through writing on W P and my tears keep falling
like the Irish mist ~ I will miss you constantly

R.I.P Katie – October 2013

This was ‘our’ Katie, the Irish lass with a smile in her words, who brought me and many others so much joy.
‘Katiekins’ ~ I miss you, I love you.  You are at peace now darling and I am sure you are watching over everyone *nods nods*.

Katie was one of our fellow writers on WordPress .  If you knew her and you would like to write something to her daughter Rachel please post on  http://irishkatie.wordpress.com/2013/09/28/this-isnt-goodbye/

xxx

[youtube.com/watch?v=KHSV8igDiEo]

I was the lucky one

Another Inspiration from Trifecta Week 70  The word is   LUCKY (adjective)  The 3rd definition to be used. Please remember: Your response must be between 33 and 333 words. You must use the 3rd definition of the given word in your post.
The word itself needs to be included in your response.
You may not use a variation of the word; it needs to be exactly as stated above.

1: having good luck
2: happening by chance : fortuitous
3: producing or resulting in good by chance : favorable

I am the Lucky One

Lives interwoven as folded leaves
upon the vine love coursed through my veins
pumped to my heart
intoxicating
…..ecstasy

kindred spirits found in time
 promises of
…..forever more

who knew we would have these
moments this chance
…..to experience love so rare

a meeting of two strangers
unity of body and of mind
…..this mate of souls

it was luck that brought you to me
sun filled morns’ and candled nights
shades of your face smiling
…..reach out to me now

your voice
I hear you whisper
…..”I will now and forever be yours”

but as I stand
…..beside your grave

my pain cannot be doused
my tears are molten gems
that spring from the red volcano
…..known only as my heart

I welcome your critique – hopefully I written as indicated in the 3rd meaning.

For:

Unrequited love

I’ve travelled past your window many times, when the sky was trying to touch darkness.

I look at the lamp that yields a soft light and the curtain that blows behind the partially opened glass.

I see the wooden table in the corner with your papers and the phone, that I have rung so many times, without you answering. Have you been busy, do you not answer it at all..to anyone?

Perhaps just not for me, for I would listen as it rang, salty tears running down into my mouth, brushing back my hair to stop it sticking to my cheeks. Mascara stinging my eyes.

I look back at the lake slow ripples transverse across the water, I look back at your window.

The trees are black not green.

Your eyes dark I remember them, you think I don’t.

The water is dark foreboding, yet it draws me.

It is cold, my toes touch it’s edges, it laps against my ankles.

Touches my stomach, half of me is numbed, my dress floats to the surface.

I walk.

Each pore turned white.

The water is dark, the sky matching.

I remember your dark eyes.

I loved you.

I will be your ghost for breaking my heart.

If only you answered my calls….

A Blagh Day

Here I am again

Today was a blagh day.. is there such a word? Yes there is (in my vocabulary at any rate)

• A day where I truly did not want go into work.
• A day when I really didn’t need the driver behind me beeping his horn when I was stopped at traffic lights and knew I couldn’t move anyway. For him to then sit right on my ……. I’ll leave the dots up to your imagination (I’m trying to be polite here) all the way down the road and then duck and weave causing others to slam on their brakes. Not a Gen Y, but an elderly gentlemen  ‘bloke’ (Aussie term) who thought he would make my morning drive to work the morning from hell.
• A day when after a weekend of heavy socialising I stupidly got on the scales and uttered those 3 letters OMG.
• A day when I came home utterly exhausted and burst into tears because I had to.
• A day when I just felt blagh with every minuscule moment that passed.
• A day when I noticed bruises and don’t remember how or when I got them.
• A day when I realised I haven’t taken my Krill or Aspirin for a few days.

So that’s been my day.

I hope tomorrow is better.

As I went for my walk at lunch time this came into my head

Where did you come from oh jiggly arms and tum?

Jiggly as I pound the pavement my arms and tum and bum

Wrinkle lines upon my face

Wrinkly lines such a disgrace

Good riddance I say to you all

Bring back the me I used to know

Nah who am I kidding that will never be

This is you, who you are now, the younger one you’ll never see

Stop rhyming as you walk this road

Can’t you stop for just a minute the thoughts within your head

Pfft so what if you have jiggly bits and wrinkles

At least you are not dead

That because it was a blagh day… The End

Courtesy Google and style.uk.msn.com

Motherhood – telling it like it is..the good..the bad…the ugly

How brave am I with that Title!

Dislocating my shoulder from patting myself on the back…that’s how much.

No honestly I have read a few blogs (such a blagh word) posts..posts sounds much more dignified, of late and wanted to write the below.

This is Mumsy talking ..honest..straight from the heart …the gut…the soul…

Mums,Moms,mothers..no matter what word you use (now take a deep deep breath in) we are special, we are loving, we are caring, we are nurturing, we are protective, we are consoling, we are advises, we are taxi drivers, we are nurses, we are accountants, we are healers, we are protectors, we are hard task masters, we are insane, we are counsellors, we are time keepers, we are the carers, we are …well just mums.

No one prepares you for mother hood no matter how many books you may read, or what advice is imparted by family, relatives or friends. When I was having my 2nd, I pulled into the driveway to drop off daughter # 1 to be greeted by my mum who said “Hope it’s a boy”… Hmmph well I don’t really care at this point I just want IT OUT!!

You can take in all the advice (especially with your 1st) you absorb and then it’s up to  you..plain and simple you are the one having said child.. you are the one that is going to go through unexplainable agony to deliver said child and you are the one to raise said child to the best of your ability.

Prior to having your lovely little one….

Do they tell you that you that in the throes of labour you will hate your other half for getting you into this mess in the first place? No

Do they tell you, even though you may decide on a drug free birth that the pain is so great you may simply relinquish all thoughts of not wanting to possibly inflict any drugs into your baby’s system for taking some? No

Do they tell you that you  have to have an enema (why couldn’t I just have had prunes?) and a mini shave? (like OMG what is THAT all about) No

Do they tell you that you have to leave any embarrassment aside that you may feel about having your legs spread wide or in stirrups with bright neon lights shining onto your private bits? No

Do they tell you that you will squat, be on all fours, lay down, toss, turn, sit, pant, breathe heavy,cry? No

Do they tell you, you will feel like you are passing a watermelon and not a small baby? No

Do they tell you when your milk comes in day 3 or 4 that you turn into the devil incarnate? No

Do they tell you that relieving your sore and swollen “boobies” can only be helped by (a) standing under a hot shower (b) putting cabbage leaves across them (such elegance) or expressing? No

Do they tell you if you have had to have an episiotomy that the only cure is a salt bath and a whoopee cushion? No

Do they tell you that yes you may not be able to burp your baby and their lips may turn purple? No

Do they tell you it’s natural for you to run down to the nursery if baby isn’t in the same room with you to check on them every 2 minutes? No

Do they tell you that if your baby doesn’t sleep and you are rocking them, laying them along your arm, feeding them, burping them, laying them on your tummy and you will be so sleep deprived that you feel you want to throw them out the window? No

Do they tell you that they will test your patience, make you cry, make you scream, make you say  “Why are you even here?? No

Do they tell you that their first bowel movements may make you gag? No

Do they tell you when you bath them that it is ok and you that you won’t accidentally drown them? No

Do they tell you when you want to cook the dinner that that is the time they will play up and cry and want attention? No

BUT SHOULD THEY TELL YOU

That you will go through the worst pain you have ever experienced in your entire life  and be grateful that you did and you won’t remember it.

That you will look upon your newborn child with awe and amazement of how you created this tiny being?

That you will snuggle against your newborns skin and take in their baby smell and realise that is all you have ever wanted or needed in your life.

That you watch them feed and gaze at their sleepy eyes as they close sated with milk.

That you will listen to their first words and think they are the most brilliant child to be born.

That you will watch them take their first steps and be warm,fuzzy and proud inside.

That you will heal their wounds and band aid their cuts when they fall.

That you will treasure the moment they bring home their first piece of art work from kinder and school.

That you will be so excited for them when they have met a friend.

That you will be the shoulder they need to cry on when they have been hurt by someone.

That you will be there to help and guide and protect and nurture them for as long as you live.

That yes there will be testing times and angry times and frustrating times but it’s all part of being a mum.

That you think being a mum for all it’s trials and tribulations is what you have wanted more than anything else in this world.

That the love you feel for them is insurmountable.

That you would lay your life down for them.

Yes that is what is being a mother is all about…here for the long haul through thick and through thin, to encourage, to help, to guide, to mentor, to love.. and truly…I am so happy to be a mum..happy to have these (now adult girls) who will always be ‘my babies’. Proud of their accomplishments and yes can acknowledge their failures or have doubts about how they live their lives. BUT still… seeing a part of me in them for better or worse and being individuals and simply just them being them makes me proud.

Yes they may take a wrong turn, make decisions you aren’t happy with but it’s all part of growing up and they are learning as you  continually do.

Embrace your role …I have…I will continue to do so…sometimes it’s difficult, sometimes you want to pull your hair out, sometimes you scream and rant and rave at things they have done…but they are your creation. They are part of you and for me, my 2 daughters are … well…. two human beings that I couldn’t and wouldn’t ever want not be in my life.

I am in awe of them..now and always.

Tears

Transparent teardrop that trickles down thy cheek

followed by another,  if you could

what would you speak?

 

Transparent teardrop trickles down thy face

followed by another its path

it tries to trace

 

Could you tell me why you fall

upon skin so young and fair?

droplets of silent emotion

is there too much pain to bear?

 

Or perhaps that it is laughter

that brings you upon fair cheek

laughter welled from inside

it is from happiness you peek?

 

We can look upon the face for signs

as to the reason you have come

so transparent teardrop

are you here from a smile or a frown?

 

We cannot read you, we only see you flow

are you here from pain or joy

the answer we do not know

 

Written whilst sitting in my car at lunch-time.

This is the Lady – My Mum

Mum

I have written about my Pop but not Mum…so it’s her turn tonight.

This is the English Rose at my daughters Wedding 3 years ago.

This is the lady who says now she’s not beautiful & that growing old means people “look at you as though you are stupid or they don’t understand you, or have patience for you”.

This is the lady who gets frustrated by not being able to do what she did in her younger years.

This is the lady who suffered a fall a couple of years ago and now has difficulty walking (one of my little penguins).

BUT  This is the lady that brought me into this world.

This is the lady who held my hand to cross the roads.

This is the lady that looked after my children, so I could work.

This is the lady that took care of me when I was sick, or had a bad back & couldn’t tend to my daughter.

This is the lady who has supported me and my family with her unconditional love & affection.

This is the lady whom I have laughed with and shared tears with.

This is the lady that I have argued with & fought with.

This is lady who can say a sharp word or two to me if she feels the need.

This is the lady who has shared so much love for other people.

This is the lady that has such a good and giving soul.

This is the lady I look up to & admire for her strength & her courage to leave her home of England and come to Australia for a better life, knowing that breaking away from her parents was the hardest thing she could do.

This is the lady who has shown so much commitment and unquestionable love to my father.

This is the woman that lays Pops clothes on the bed of what he is to wear every day and continues to do so, because she thinks he can’t colour coordinate (though everything is beige) 🙂

This is the lady who bares no grudges towards anybody.

This is a lady who was told she should start her own cake business as she is a brilliant cook.

This is a lady who held ‘simple’ dinner parties for 20 people without blinking an eye.

This is the lady that was a brilliant hostess.

This is a lady that went back to work, standing on a cold concrete factory floor to work on a production line so that she could save some extra money to take my brother to England for a visit to see his Grandparents.

This is the lady that will have glassy eyes when helping Pop up from his chair.

This is the lady who lost her youngest son eight years ago and bares the grief silently within her heart.

This is the lady who has been a loving & giving person not only to myself but to her grandchildren.

This is a lady with so much pride & strength that sometimes I think she forgets that she has any.

This is a lady that looks at us with love as only mothers can.

…Yes we may have ‘words’ now and then…we are Mother & Daughter.

…Yes we may not often see eye to eye on things.

…Yes we are both different ..but in so many ways so alike .

…Yes you have grown older..but I have too.

…Yes I am proud of you, admire you, value you, adore you.

… Yes but most of all I AM THANKFUL that you are my MUM & I treasure now more than ever having you with me still..

So do not think for one moment that you aren’t beautiful because my darling English Rose YOU ARE NOW and always will be to me…

I LOVE YOU

xxxxxxxxx

Funerals

Today I attended a Funeral.

This post will be respectful for the departed.

The Service was for a girlfriend’s mother of mine. This girlfriend and I knew each other when we were little. Our parents knew each other very well. Her mother was German, her father who passed away some years back was Czech. The daughter ‘L’ was an only child.

I picked up my ‘little penguins’ ( Mum & Dad) and we drove to the Service. The clouds had formed, the rain had started and we walked into the front room to see some of their friends and ‘L’s two children, whom I hadn’t seen for possibly 20 years.

‘L’ and her husband ‘C’ were greeting everyone. I hadn’t seen ‘L’ for 8 or so years…we just lost touch as in life we sometimes do.

As we saw each other and walked towards each other …there were no words, her face showed her feelings, her teary and bloodshot eyes were enough…

We hugged and she cried saying “Can’t help it…it still…”

“I know darling, I know” I told her and we hugged tight.

Then it was time for the Service and we took our seats, mum and pop sat next to me.

‘L’s mum was lain in the coffin in front of the room, adorned with beautiful pink roses and a photo of when she was younger.

The Ceremony began and on the large screen in front of us ‘L’s mum and a picture of her were displayed.

A favourite song was played by Marlene Dietrich. I didn’t understand the words as she sung in German, but it was tearful.

Her children then stood up and tried so valiantly to give their Eulogies. The daughter was unable to through grief. Her brother took over and though struggled talked about his ‘Babicka’ or Babi. Czech for Grandmother.

‘L’ couldn’t say words…stand up and tell how she felt about her mother..we all understood… I felt for her…how can anyone in grief talk about their lost loved one..

The Service was conducted by a beautiful woman who read eloquently, elegantly & with feeling..giving this person whom she never knew the respect that she deserved.

Photos of ‘L’s mum then came on the big screen with music playing in the background.

We  were asked to stand for those that were able & recite the Lords Prayer & as we stood & watched & remembered this fine lady with the music of a lilted piano my tears flowed…

Photos of her as a child, photos of her husband, photos of her and ‘L’ and with her granchildren..

The sun then shone…

The Service ended and my ‘little penguins’ were standing to the side of me. I turned and tears were flowing from my Pop & Mum.

“She was a good friend , we knew her for a long time”, my Pop said struggling..

That made me cry even more, I hugged him tight…and wept

Her coffin was wheeled away….

My tears were also for ‘my penguins’… life’s circle is a known it’s when the circle finally joins up is the unknown…..

We went into the front room for a cup of tea and to all take a deep breath… I sat next to a woman I didn’t know who was 99 years young.

She said “You know Funerals have changed so much since I was younger, in those days the Service was at home, the deceased lay in the coffin in the Parlour and after words were said it would just be taken away for the burial..I remember my father had that”.

It took all my strength not to cry again, this elderly woman who has seen so much in her life time,  remembering her father that way..

‘L’s mum is in the Arms of the Angels now…to rest with her husband…

R.I.P Lotte

81 more sleeps …..21 easy steps….

Yes that’s right my friends. 81 more sleeps till the jolly slightly ’rounded’ man in his red suit awkwardly alights onto the suspension robe hanging from the slay to jump onto our roof, stealthily making his way across the tiles or tin & jumps feet first down our chimneys (for those that have a chimney that is).

For those of us who don’t, well sshhh we have to pretend.

It’s Christmas at my place this year, the family takes turns (well individuals do within said family) which got me thinking….

How does everyone’s Christmas Day pan out…how does it start? How does it end?

I already have beads of perspiration on my forehead just thinking about it. This is how mine goes.

 

Whoever has the blessed event at their home does the “Mains”, then one is usually in charge of sweets and the entree . The veg is distributed to whoever puts their hands up.

1. Lists that have been written a month or so prior are finally disposed of.

2. Either time has been taken off work to shop (usually 2-3 days before the big ’25’) with the hoards of other totally maniacal Christmassy folk in the Supermarkets, grocers, butchers trying to get their hands on whatever is on said lists (yours truly included) or I leave EVERYTHING to the last minute and panic ensues.

3.  Everything purchased (don’t be silly of course you need double or triple the amount you actually end up eating!) and as for the alcohol list (being the most important) half the bottle shop is purchased. Then it’s onto the table setting – do I buy nice linen serviettes this year? Or stick to the bright coloured paper jobs (yep they’re cheaper and only used for wiping grubby mouths on anyway). There are the obligatory bon-bons, again the cheap version where you are lucky if they actually to pop when pulled apart and you may get a nice poem or something not too nasty inside (or the cheaper ones where you get the ridiculous paper party hat, plastic toy and jokes (yep you guessed it the party hats win).

4. Do I have enough wine glasses, champagne glasses, beer glasses? Do I have the full set of white crockery (heaven knows you can’t serve Christmas lunch on a patterned plate!) Did any of these break during the year and forgot to replace?

(More beads of perspiration)

Twas the night before Christmas…

5. The table is set, table cloth pristine & ironed, serviettes, glasses, Clean SS cutlery (without left over dried food) bon-bons, candle Christmas centre pieces. Stand back admire, move fork to the right a bit, towel dry the water marks of any glasses. Nods head…smiles.

The big day…..

6. Ah yes up at the crack of dawn, nerves already kicking in, hoping that I time the cooking of turkey, chicken, pork correctly. Usually turkey done in the BBQ (turns out a treat it does by the way).

Is it too early for a drink?? … 6.30 am yep possibly.

7. Prepare the rum egg nog (they did so like it last time) though note to self careful about how much I consume before meal is actually served.(Of course I have to do the taste test – something to calm the nerves).

Pacing….I do a lot of that I pace, I re-check, I pace.

8. Ok so all should be good, veg is being brought, salad too and sweets. All I have to do is put the meats on and dish up the nibblies.

Sounds easy??  Pace ..pace another try of the egg nog (just to make sure).

9. Ok nibblies now out – checks the time I do that a lot also checking the time and pacing.

10. Meats in, chicken in the oven, turkey in the BBQ (you did remember to fill the gas cylinder honey??)

11. Ham glazed wrapped & in the fridge.

 

The moment arrives….

12. Hi Hi, yes yes Merry Christmas my other half greets at the door. My family knows I’m a stress head, so I hear them cautiously walk into the kitchen. Hi Hi Merry Christmas, yes yes kiss on cheeks, hugs, yep same to you (how’s the turkey going?)

13. Egg Nog anyone? (Don’t mind if I do)

14. Right good the gangs all here (the day has begun). Champagne and strawberry time (yee-ha I say). “Please go sit in the lounge get comfy” (in other words PLEASE get the hell out of my kitchen why I have my panic attacks).

15. Pace – go out to BBQ, lift lid, cooking nicely. Inside check oven yep yep chicken doing well. Take ham out to get room temperature (champagne gulped). 5 minutes? I have that..into lounge so how is everyone etc, my look at all the pressies under the tree (our tradition is to open after mains). Then there’s the weather talk in Australia we can have 40 deg C or we can have rain and hail..(be prepared for either).

16. Right entree time (can relax for another 5). Yum yum, fresh salmon or trout or antipasto platter or prawns whatever head Entree Chef prepared.

Back to kitchen pace pace timing it’s all in the timing.

17. “Won’t be long I yell” (another champagne gulp). Meat retrieved from BBQ, looking crispy and golden and delicious. Chicken from oven also looking yum. Veg have been re-heated or crisped, gravy made. Other half checks in on me and does a U turn seeing my expression.

18. Sit down (wait for the compliments of how beautiful everything looks) ..what come on..someone has to say it??

Ah there we are, thank you- thank you it was nothing (bloody hell it wasn’t nothing do you know what time I’ve been up?)

19. Onto the presents – the giving out by the selected party, the unwrapping, the oooh and the aahhs and the you shouldn’t have (no REALLY you shouldn’t have).

20. Then a small break (more alcohol consumed) before the sweets. Usually consisting of a huge bowl of fresh berries in season or pavlova or christmas pudding or all 3 (do not think of your waist line Jen.. not today).

21. The day comes a close. Our bellies sated our chatter drawn to a close. Another Christmas passed.

IF we are lucky there will be no family tiffs or tempers or words raised (usually due to the nog and other drinks). We shall talk about whose turn is it next year, what the weather will bring and slowly one by one (after I’ve had helped cleaning and washing up that is) each family member will bid their goodbyes.

aaah yes Christmas in our household …it’s a day full of prior panic..it’s a day of nerves, time checking and pacing, a day full of hoping all goes well, a day when all said and done passes with smiles and laughter and maybe some tears…

How’s yours???

PS: Sorry for the length of this post – I swear I was stone cold sober when writing it 🙂