Today never the same as yesterday

Photo by me At Mossman Gorge

The heat wave came and went
clothes were peeled like orange skins
rain today broke the crispness
soaked the roots of those that withered
a quieter frame of mind than yesterday
watched the water fall over gutters
standing on the deck of wood
looking at birds open beaks
in happiness and they too are quieter
taking in a new day that is
warm and soaked

The rain continues outside my
windows, hitting the asphalt darker grey
quiet moments of listening to what surrounds me
no music played, no TV watched just me alone
pensively contemplating this new day

Copyright JMTacken 9.1.2015

One,Ein,Un,Uno,Een,Um….First (Prose)

the first time I made love/erm
NO hell ~ not love
Sex~young/disjointed hmmm kisses ~ yes
you will love me afterwards???
~ who was I kidding
behind the shelter sheds/- a teenager
that’s all I’ll say/ I won’t reveal my age

the first time I hitchhiked ? dangerous~
NO WAY
girlfriend and I thumbs up to the sky
travelled far that day
Until a ‘coupla’ lads ~ deviated behind some trees
tried to/Well you know – we were just kids~
we escaped and ran away

the first time I left home?
Yes there was more than one time
I thought that I could make it on my own
bah-boom ~ only to return

the first time I drove a CAr ~ red it was
the colour hot & fast
I drove up to our hills not far from here
and just ~ well sat

the first time I was MArried – no it’s
only been the once ~ it lasted 19 years
gave me my girls~ made me a mum

the first time I gave birth/ ARGH!
you must be KIDDING me ~ give me an epidural
can’t you see the pain I’m in??

the first time I fell really in LOve
many many times-
Ech/ Lust or love hmm scratches
head – CRap too many rhymes

the first time I found my soul mate
yep Mr. S you know him by
my rock~ my everlasting
hmm his kisses in the night

the first time I sold a book/OK
so it’s not the paper kind
~ the SP type electronic
but it simply blew my mind

the first time I started ‘blogging’
I still HAte that word so much
scared of what would be said
now I’m **ADDIC-A-TED**

the first time I conducted a Service
for the bereaved family
/I knew I found my calling
my life mapped out for me

First times that I have had a broken heart – a blade twisting in my gut
First times of shedding tears over loving WAY too much
First times for knowing my life was going to change
First times of seeing my elderly parents – knowing nothing would be the same

Many many 1st times – some good & not this is for MLM’s Prompt simply about Firsts.

http://mindlovemisery.wordpress.com

Friendship turning into love

As you may or may not know I met my man the secretive Mr. S  (well only secretive because I call him Mr. S and not by his name) on an internet date site, here in Australia. Some sites are reputable, others are shams.  Fortunately the one that we used was reputable. Yesterday we celebrated 5 years today of knowing each other and sharing our lives. I had written a post some time back about Internet dating on-line-dating-its-not-just-for-the-desperate  but after celebrating our fifth year, I thought I would revisit.

This post however is more about how we met and how life can change if you step outside of the box in a not so conventional way to try and meet someone. When we first met on line,  we emailed and chatted back and forth (on the computer) for many weeks every night, we then plucked up the courage for phone calls, again a few weeks, every night, we would talk for hours and I mean hours. We also reached a point with these phone calls where we did the “You hang up…no you hang up” scenario.  Strange you may say for a woman who was 52 years of age.

I had only seen one photo of him, on the dating site, I only heard his voice, or read what he was like when we emailed or chatted on line.  Trying to gauge a person without physically seeing them can be daunting, but I had to have faith in my intuition by his down to earth nature and humour,  that if nothing else I had found a friend. When we decided to meet it was a strange feeling, number one as I had never gone out with a bald man before (or nearly bald I should say) and number two, what if he wasn’t who I thought he was? The doubts came into play and some uneasiness. I had arranged the ‘phone call’ (from daughter # 2) to phone about an hour into our meeting just to check that everything was going smoothly. In the end though I put faith in my gut instinct that all would be well. We met in a public lounge in a large Hotel Foyer, plenty of people, plenty of noise for distraction if required.

If anyone is contemplating meeting someone off the Internet, this is a priority, do not meet them at their home or in a venue that you would not feel safe in. Our first night was pleasant, yes several drinks were consumed to take off the inevitable edge. The conversation did not flow as easily as what I thought it would, considering the amount of time we had talked on the phone and unfortunately I (even though I  thought I had) had not quite reached a place of completely getting fully over my ex, which came to the fore later in the evening. Yes I cried tears when Mr S tried to kiss me, I was ready (or thought I was) and though we did,  my heart was not there, my thoughts were elsewhere. It was traumatic, how could I treat someone like this, this was not fair on him, so at the end of our evening we both decided that it was best that we remained just friends.

As we were both single and mature adults, neither of us were into the pub-pick-up scene, so movies, dinners etc and having company we thought was better than spending our lives alone,. We also decided that if we met anyone else along the way then so be it, we would part our ways but hopefully still have a friendship.  As the weeks passed we saw each other every weekend. Before either of us realised, our friendship had grown into something more. Was it love? The age old question of what is love, how do you define it, what should it feel like, were raised (in my head at least). As a teenager I had many boyfriends, I wasn’t a ‘tart’ but back in my ‘youth’ I thought there was only one sure fire way of hanging onto the ‘boy’ of your dreams… I think you can understand what I am saying here.

When our hormones were racing madly, all we thought about was sex or hanging off the arm of the best looking boy in school, we did not know at that stage it was merely lust not love. I was capricious in my teenage years, I look back now at the ‘want’ of having or being with the ‘boy’ that all the other girls wanted. Did we love each other..we said we did back then, but truly we did not know the meaning of the word. There were the butterflies every time you saw him and equally as much, the ache in your heart when you didn’t. Back then we did not care what they would make of themselves in the future.  We cared for the superficial, or sadly to say I did.

As I grew older, I was able to look at the person for who they were, their core, their values in life.   We all would like wondrous love that is forever romantic, but realistically in many cases, the romance does fade a little but love still remains. Mr. S  and I promised each other (when our light bulbs went on and we knew that we were no longer friends and we were in a serious relationship), that we would never fall into the ‘rut’ – you all know what I mean. The relationship where you don’t appreciate each other, where you don’t make love, where you take each other for granted. Have we maintained this promise? For the most part yes.

Do we appreciate each other after 5 years? Yes we do, Mr. S will put the dishwasher on, or hang up washing, or vacuum floors, or clean the house, without me asking. He knows that I work and that the weekends are for ‘us’ as much as possible. I in turn, will mow the lawns, put the garbage out, or help him when I can. Do we take each other for granted? No, we thank each other still for helping, we tell each other continually that we have appreciated an action or a compliment given.

We laugh, we dance like teenagers crazily around the house, we compliment, we kiss, we hold hands, we hug, we make love, (whenever both of us are awake long enough), but I know that this man that I met five years ago, whom I only thought would only be a friend and nothing more has turned out to be the man that I love and care for, more than any other relationship I have ever had.

Love can develop from friendship.

Yes love , especially as we get older means certain aspects of your relationship slows down or changes, love is knowing that, that person is there for you, is there to share your sorrow and your joys, someone whom you can depend on, talk to and are comfortable with. The butterflies still flutter, just not to the same degree as in your youth, this is something that happens to all of us. Nothing to be afraid of, nothing to be ashamed of.

There are many forms of love, many degrees. No matter how old you are communication and respect for one another must be maintained. Finally the ability to make one another laugh, remember to laugh together.

Mr S and I have not had a cross word or argument in 5 years. Proof that LOVE can grow from friendship.

Blog Etiquette- The 10 Commandments from the reader and the writer’s prospective – 400th Post

with the words of Pink …”Who Knew”

Indeed who would have ever thought that I would reach this, that @ the 4th April, 2013 I would have 262 followers in the space of under a year and blah blah visits (half of them probably lost with my obscure tags). I feel I have my feet firmly planted on Mt Sinai about to give the 10 commandments.

Perhaps I shall (though a little longer than Moses delivered)

1. Always be grateful and acknowledge those that follow you. They have taken their time to ‘look into’ your posts and have decided that they like and are interested in what you have to offer. Even if it is not immediate – take the time to read who you follow, we are human, we all like a pat on the back or acknowledgment for what we do. Do not be so self-centered to think that your post is the only one that matters or brag endlessly about the amount you have accumulated. .. *yawn*. Be at least genuine and sincere. Likewise if you are following someone and you have commented time after time and they do not visit you, or acknowledge your existence, then it is up to you whether to ‘pull the pin’ for this in a way is a two way street i.e. Reciprocate.

2. Always when possible, leave a comment to what they have written, for they have spent their time, their energy and their love in writing to be read by YOU. To ignore is rude, so show them that you care. Get to really know these people whenever possible, not in a ‘stalking way‘, but to show that you are interested not only in their writing but them as a human being, you have some affinity with them through their words. How nice would it be to develop a friendship albeit virtual?

3. Always be sincere in your comments, too many, at times have a line that is continually used and it is noticed from one post to another. If you feel you cannot really comment on what the post means to you, then simply hit the like button, that will suffice and in fact, to the writer is better than seeing the ‘same old line’, as it leaves us with the question of “Did they actually read my words”?. This applies to those that hit the like button within 1 second of you hitting the publish button…

4. Always remember that at times, people do not want or indeed have the time to read terribly long posts. I have been guilty of this on more than one occasion, it is difficult to reign in your thoughts, but perhaps a better idea (note to self) is to break it down into one or two. Doing this will also hopefully, keep your reader interested and want to come back for more. This is not greed for ‘hits’, this is simply providing a service of not boring your followers so much that they would inevitably ‘un-follow’ you.

5. Always be kind and considerate in your comments, this forum does not need vicious or vindictive remarks. Critique is justified in a caring manner, do not be obnoxious when pointing this out. Corrections to grammar and spelling are warranted. I have been ‘pulled up’ a few times and I am thankful to those that that have noticed an error and have advised me of such, it only improves my writing.

6. Always be aware that your readers/followers or newcomers have read you for a reason, be exhilarated that they have decided to follow you because of what you have written. In my case some follow because they like Haiku, others for prose, others simply for me just rambling about my life and being a mum. Each follower so vastly different from another. What intrigues or interests one, will not necessarily intrigue another and that is OK.

7. Always remember there is a market for everybody that runs a ‘blog’, people with different interests, different values, different stories to tell, each of us, unique, each of us bringing an idea, a thought, guidance or humour that we wish to share with the world. Do not feel ashamed that you have followers that you don’t follow…for each of us are attracted to different writers. I have followers that I don’t follow, but time allowing, I will pop in now and then to read what they are doing.

8. Always write from your heart, about your passions, your knowledge, your loves. Encourage those that feel they cannot write poetry to do so, or write from the ‘dark side’ or the melancholy or try a Haiku!  We all learn from one another, we therefore should appreciate those that can step ‘outside the box’ from their ‘normal’ writing.

9. Always, no matter what genre you choose, maintain your sense of decency, your individuality and your talent, do not be persuaded to follow what others do because it may be popular. Don’t jump on the band wagon, simply because you see that they have a ‘gazillion’ followers. You are what you are, you write because you have your own story to tell.

10. ALWAYS be yourself, do not write under pretence, write what you love, feel secure in that those that follow are genuinely interested in what you have written and show them the respect that they deserve. Yes, it is a time consuming but manageable process to follow, to read, to comment, to then write your own work. Comments do not have to be done within a second of posting (refer to commandment 3).  I have followers who are now going back through the archives to read older posts. That to me is reassuring, comforting and pleasing. Knowing that they are taking the time to do so. Remember this is NOT a competition, though some of us enter into challenges, we are not doing this to win the race of the best blog or to be ‘Freshly Pressed’. I am just comfy being myself Wrinkled and all, thank you very much.

So now I remind myself of # 4 and close – I thank you for reading and following me.  Without wanting to make any one violently ill – YOU ARE ALL PRECIOUS TO ME.

Reblogging – welcomed and appreciated…spread the love 🙂

*If I have contradicted myself in the aforementioned Commandments –  you can blame the demon drink. 😦

Life does change

She stands

in the garden, alone in her thoughts, not knowing what her life will bring, simply letting her mind wander to what the future holds for her, what goes through her mind?

she bows

her head, trying to breathe, trying to visualise the hours ahead, the day of becoming a married woman, the moment she says I do

she leans

against the wooden tree which gives support to her trembling body, for she is nervous yet exhilarated at the age of twenty-six, young and about to begin a new life

she has

her dream come true, like many other young women to find their companion in life, to commit, to begin travelling down an unknown road with the one that she loves, her wedding day

could she

have known it would cease,  did it cross her mind on this day the 16th February it wouldn’t
be forever

she has

moved on, she is very happy in her life and she is also happy for the man that was
her husband

life changes

feelings get lost, communication breaks, meeting a T intersection, different directions
are taken

but she

is ok with that, for life isn’t always perfect, sometimes it’s not a fairy tale romance, not the happy ever after, but lessons are learnt, she has grown and now she can look through the photos of that day which bring a smile to her face and she can remember ….life does change

On Line Dating… it’s not just for the desperate.

I have been trawling through a few blog sites of people that I follow of late  and also was away for the weekend (hence not writing a post for a few days). I know hand up – you have missed me **laughing** ..nothing like patting ones self on the back.

I shall write about my weekend away (for those that don’t have a TV show to watch and are bored beyond belief) later on, but I though I would write about the topic as above (psst look up to see the Title).

I have come to the conclusion that there is such a stigma attached to on line dating services.

What ? I’m not good enough to meet someone other than on line?

I have friends who will one day introduce me to the man/woman of my dreams.

I wouldn’t trust anyone that I would meet on a computer.

Questions and self doubt and I wonder why?

What are we afraid of?

Do we have the belief that it is not possible to meet the person of your dreams on a dating site?

If so, why do we think that way? Is it because you feel that if you go on a site that you may be talking to possibly a serial killer? A weirdo, a freak, a no hoper, a desperate?

In this day and age it can be difficult to meet that special someone due to the below.

1. If your social network isn’t that great.
2. If you aren’t the Pub type.
3. If you aren’t affiliated with a hobby club.
4. If you don’t do sports or go to the Gym (because hell we all know you ALWAYS meet the person of your dreams there).
5. If you are over your single friends trying to hook you up on blind dates.
6. If you feel the right person will come along eventually (you shall meet in the supermarket – that’s what my mum would tell me)  so you don’t need any assistance.

There are so many reasons to convince yourself that on line dating or match making services don’t or can’t work.

Can I tell you … you are wrong (forgive me) but you are.

I have had my fair share of relationships (well I am old-ish). I was married (for 19 years). I was even engaged to a man who was 16 years my junior) please don’t hold that against me…I’m not a cougar 🙂

For OTHER reasons other than the age difference it was not to be.

After that ended I decided to try the on-line system. I don’t have a large network of single females that I could venture out with to the Pubs/Clubs to find the man of my dreams. I was after all in my 50’s and the thought of putting my face on and journeying out to a Pub filled me with horror. So what was I to do??

One brave night ( after a wine or two)  I went on line (obviously an Australian site) and entered my details.

With this particular forum you paid when you wanted to communicate with someone. The fee being minimal I may add.

I wrote a profile of myself (which I wrote and re-wrote a hundred times) it’s difficult because you have to basically tell the world who you are, pat yourself on the back..sounds familiar and give the impression you’re a total catch all at the same time) and posted a photo up.

I sat back and waited to see if I got any response. Yes I was eager and every night and checked my emails.

Hmm 1st week a couple of bites but my gut told me …no.

Another couple of weeks went past I ended up chatting to a guy who initially I felt sounded ok. When we arranged to meet however, my gut told me no..he isn’t the one.

A little time went on and I sifted through those that made contact with me, reading their profiles, reading in between the lines, trying to suss out if they were for real ( because there are some out there that  tend to stretch the truth) and if we could be match made in heaven. I’m not saying it’s an easy process, but you have to broaden your horizons and also have your wits about you.

Then I came across a profile, wonderful sense of humour, similar likes/interests. I looked at the photo and my fist reaction was “Oh god he’s bald”. Then I took a long hard look at MYSELF and thought so?…what is wrong with almost bald (just because I had never had that before doesn’t mean we aren’t compatible).

We started to chat on line, this was followed up by phone calls which in the beginning were brief, then they got to 2,3 and 4 hourly (even with the “No you hang up 1st”). Yes I reverted to being a teenager again.

Then we decided it was time to meet… was I scared – hell yes..was I doing the right thing? What harm can meeting in a public place do? I bit the bullet and decided to do it.

That night I put on my face, dressed nicely and daughter # 2 dropped my off at the destination with leaving strict instructions as to “If I need to come home I shall call for you to come and get me”.

We met in the foyer of a Hotel (it sounds sleazy but it truly wasn’t). We both only had our internet photos to go by.

I walked in and saw this gentleman (yes almost bald..so at least his photograph was real) and tapped him on the shoulder.

I won’t say it wasn’t awkward because it was. The conversation was stilted in the beginning, after a few drinks we both relaxed, but still I had my doubts (not because he wasn’t what I had envisaged from the site) but I guess because I was being cautious. I had not long finished the ‘engaged relationship’ and my heart in all honesty was not probably in the right place to begin another.

After that evening where yes I ended up teary (blame the alcohol consumption) because I kept thinking of my previous partner I said that we could only be friends, that I wasn’t in the right head space yet (even though initially I thought I was) to have a relationship.

This man’s response was that he totally understood and that he was more than happy to be friends and if I was willing that we would go out together …for company…pictures, dinner etc and if we met someone else so be it.

So we did that, we went out now and then and then we started going out more regularly.

We became FRIENDS, until one day it dawned on me and him that we were more than friends. We had many things in common, we had both been married, both had our fair share of relationships that worked for a while or didn’t, we were at the age where we could simply be US, individuals. There was no pretence, no putting on a show of different personalities in order to please the other. No hidden agendas.

You may have read my poem to Mr. S. This is the man I have just talked about.

4 1/2 years together now not an argument, not a cross word. We are happy, we live our lives together like any other others in a relationship who have gone the traditional route and met face to face.

So what am I saying here? Simply this.

1. ONE can find happiness on line.
2. ONE can find true love and their soul mate on line.
3. ONE has to push past the barriers & misconceptions about finding someone on line.
4. GUT feeling about someone on line usually is the right feeling.
5. LIFE is sometimes about taking risks.
6. DO chat on line first for however long you are comfortable with.
7. DO talk on the phone to truly get to know the person.
8. DO meet n a public place on your 1st meeting.
9. DO have a back up plan in case you need to escape or don’t feel safe.
10. KEEP an open mind.

I met and fell in love with Mr. S and I am so glad I was brave enough to try this medium.

So if the thought of meeting someone (that could be the person whom you are MEANT to be with) happens to be from an internet site and the thought of that makes you wary…think about it ..what harm can it do…what are you afraid of? It will be your choice to chat, to talk on the phone, to meet when you feel comfortable in doing so.

I did and I am so glad that I took the plunge for if I hadn’t I would probably be sitting in my little study blogging, writing and wondering who is out there for me?

As they say nothing ventured…nothing gained.

OK he’s not Bruce…but my Mr. S is just as … Pic courtesy of Google & articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com